I am new to this board but man do I got a situation here at home. I need some advice. Here's the skinny...My wife and I have been married for over 8 years and dated for three. Throughout our marriage our sexual life has been poor to non-existent. Even when we were dating it wasn't great. We were pretty hot in the first few months but it fizzled out after that. When I met my wife for the first time it was love at first sight! What a powerful feeling. There's was no doubt in my mind that this was the girl for me. I felt it was divinely ordained. Looking back I didn't see the red flags mainly the lack of sexual chemistry between us. I will add I am attracted to her in that way and she excites me. but unfortunately it goes only one way. I compromised my needs all these years. My wife was everything else i wanted except in the affectionate/sexual realm. I did not idly sit by completely, I did mention on several occasions our lack of sex was not normal and we should go to counseling. Her remark was "well I'm just not that way!" I don't why but I just accepted that excuse. My previous relationship prior to my marriage was mainly sexual and it didn't have a future. So I guess I settled because she had everything else that I was looking for in a mate. Well as the years rolled on and this summer 2004 she brought up the lack of passion in our marriage. And she acknowledged that we have a problem. My wife has said to me that she does not have any sexual attraction to me but she loves me deeply. I doubt she can be sexually attracted to anyone. Maybe its me..who knows. I think of myself as an attractive, stylish man. I'm a christian, professional who makes a good living. Throughtout our marriage my wife had not been affectionate and giving of herself. I asked her once "do you ever think of what I can do for my husband?" Her answer was an emphatic no! Let me cut to the chase I could bore you with exploring her childhood, her temperament.etc..I tell her that she doesn't love me but she denies it but will admit that she could live like this for the rest of her life. Being affectionate and yearning for physical intimacy is not a priority for her. I love romance and I am turned on by the romantic side of a relationship. Well let me cut to the chase, based on what you guys/gals know is this something that can be fixed. She obviously has put up barriers to me, but why! What should I do? Anybody in a similar situation? what are the causes of situations like this? Could it be as simple as she doesn't have it for me?

<small>[ December 21, 2004, 01:29 AM: Message edited by: enfp ]</small>

I am sorry to hear of your sadness and heartbreak. Yes, everything is fixable if those will admit to problems, do the repair work. Gentle solutions do exist. Takes two. Read everything here you can, share everything from your heart. All your hurt. Your wounds must be cared for and treated first.

In the mean time. I am sending you get well card to cheer you up!

http://www.angelhugs.net/GetWellFlowers.html

smiles
sky