Ok, I'm interested in your responses,,,,,In this whole mess of betrayals, affairs, ruined marriages, and destroyed self esteems, is there one thing (no matter how big or small) that sticks out for you and hurts you more than all the rest??

For me, its the fact that my husband lied to his girlfriends and told them that
1) I abused drugs (NEVER NEVER NEVER,,,,,I smoked one marijuana joint when i was 16 years old)

2)That he never knew when I would or if I would come home at night to take care of the children (I NEVER spent one night away from my children that I didn't know WHO was taking care of them and WHERE they were)

3) That he was forced to work nights so that he could take care of his children during the day (they are all in school during the day, and thats when he would carry on his little affairs, so why they believed him I dont know)

What hurt the most?

The realization that there was NOTHING I could do to make him better or realize the total destruction of a family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> NATS said: is there one thing (no matter how big or small) that sticks out for you and hurts you more than all the rest??
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmm....for me it would be the fact that my husband of 25 years looked me straight in the eye and said "I'm not having an affair" when in fact he was (and later admitted). This was one person I thought would NEVER lie to me. I think I could get past all the other stuff(and have, to a large degree) but that incident still stays with me.

The emotional damage to all our children in the continuing war against me....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The emotional damage to all our children in the continuing war against me.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree 100% with amnow.ok

The fact that he had multiple affairs through our 5 1/2 year marriage but only had the spine to say he wanted out of the marriage when one of those affairs turned into an emotional connection as well.... if you were THAT miserable GET OUT first -- don't wait until you've got a girlfriend waiting for you!!

Waht hurt the most for me was losing the illusion that I had a happy family and marriage. I honestly and sincerely thought that we had something special that no one else had, and that we were going to be the one's to make it. I was just deluding myself, and when I looked at reality and realized that my illusion was just fake...it killed me.


CJ

ALL OF IT....

I can't pick just 1 thing that "hurt the most"...

Every one of WH actions hurts like H#(%)

Maybe - knowing that he can't, doesn't care, and won't change his lifestyle around is the most difficult to "Accept"....

When I finally saw the DENIAL I was in
"What hurt the most for me was losing the illusion that I had a happy family and marriage."
In hindsight, it was never a partnership or a marriage, I just wanted it to be soo bad, that in my mind it was. And then it vanished. And I'm a better person.

It hurt the most that the man that I loved, cherished and had been faithful to had allowed this to happen to our marriage.

The second thing that hurt was the revisioning that he did trying to justify why he had allowed himself to have an affair.

It hurt for along time, only because I allowed it to. I don't anymore, I've moved on!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

By far what hurt the most was watching someone I loved self-destruct, and knowing there was nothing I could do about it.

The revisioning comes in second. My ex-wife left without explanation, and when (six months later) I finally got something of an explanation in her interrogatory response, she said - among other things - something like "I do not want to hear from him again that I cannot make it on my own."

For more than a decade-and-a-half I had tried to do everything I could think of to help build her confidence and self-worth. To discover that in her mind she had somehow turned all that around...

I had tried to console myself that from me she had at least learned something of how she ought to be treated by a man who said he loved her - something she had not had the opportunity to learn from her father. If she didn't want to be married to me, I thought she might at least have her memories of how I treated her to help her discern whether any potential future relationship was healthy or not.

Now though, I do not know whether those memories are completely eradicated or merely deeply buried. And given the complete lack of contact, I doubt I will ever know.

By far what hurt the most was watching someone I loved self-destruct, and knowing there was nothing I could do about it.

ditto...

LL

Before my ex WW moved out I asked her to make one last attempt to save our marriage by visiting a marriage counselor. She told me "I don't want to save our marriage". I think that hurt more than the affair, the lies and everything else.

I am sorry for the discomfort and falseness. It would so crushing to hear stuff like that. But healthy normal intelligent people don't do stuff like that-only lost troubled souls that have lost their moorings.

I am sending along e-card link-just be cause your hurting so much, and want you to know how much God loves you!

http://www.angelhugs.net/AngelsAreSinging.html

Christ Love
My love
sky