Even as a Navy wife, I'm clueless about some issues my girlfriend is going through. For background, she has a RO and MPO against her H and he has served her with divorce papers. The RO's were served a month ago after his assault against her.

1. We have PPV in military housing. She was originally assured that she could stay until the divorce. Now he has contacted the leasing agency and wants to cancel the lease and evict her and the children. Can he do this?

2. Can the amount of BAH that is automatically sent to the leasing agency be construed as child support?

3. Does anyone know a quicker way to get an emergency child support hearing, as she hasn't even been able to get one scheduled yet?

I posted on MB because I've seen some outstanding advice given to military members and spouses here. I was hoping someone would have some good advice. She is seeking help through Family Advocacy and NMCRS, but continues to be told that they're looking into it. The poor woman has two children, very little money, and is facing eviction. I'd like to find out anything I can that will help her.

Thank you in advice for any wisdom you can send my way.

Dobie

double post....

<small>[ December 18, 2004, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: cat_lover ]</small>

Hey! Wife of a former (15 years active duty) Navy Sub Sailor here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Question 1. Answer: Yes he can. (it sucks, but he can). The assumption of military housing is that it's a privilege extended to the military member and it can be withdrawn with the military member's consent at any time.

Question 2. Answer: If the child to be supported lives in the house that the BAH is paying for, the answer to this question is also yes.

Question 3 Answer: No answer to offer here, depends on the state. However, if your friend is willing to get her STBX in trouble she can go to family services or to the JAG office and complain formally to his command.

Okay after re-reading I see she's already tried family services...try the JAG office. If her husband is enlisted she can request a meeting with the command master chief, (that usually works better than a request to see the CO if the member is enlisted) or if the member is an officer try the CO. In both cases she can also try to get some assistance from her STBX's division/department head.

I know this seems like a nasty process overall, but the military really does take a dim view of service members who refuse to care for their families, especially their children. Justice is out there, but the military is a cumbersome organization and you do have to work at it.

I hope this helps.

cat_lover

Edited to add: My husband has read this post and his opinion is that your friend needs to go through the channels I've suggested at the STBX's command. His remark is that as soon as the command knows what the STBX is doing he will be risking a major career melt-down. Family problems can and do make their way into evaluations (particularly for officers), as they can be used to judge a member's character and readiness for advancement.

<small>[ December 18, 2004, 03:58 PM: Message edited by: cat_lover ]</small>

cat_lover,

Thanks for your answers. I've been wracking my brain for ways to help her and the kids. Unfortunately, I'm not sure this jerk is thinking much about his career right now, so his command can't do much. He's more focused on getting revenge. He went so far this week as to deliberately break the MPO in front of witnesses at Family Advocacy. I'm hoping that since this is his second documented domestic violence incident that he'll be discharged for it. I've done a little research, and in that circumstance she'll qualify for Transitional Compensation.

I've done some research and we're in a state that does allow alimony. I profoundly hope that the evil actions he's employing now will factor into that.

Thanks again for your advice.

Dobie

As a AF active duty wife of 21 yo and living in a state the gives alimony I wrote a letter to the judge on how it is I had forgone my career to help xh's and to support him and was awarded a sizeable $$ plus CS and half of his retitrement when the time comes.

Make sure she has a lawyer that is familiar with what a military spouse should be getting and are entitled to. There has to be a Militray Pension Division Orde written at the time of divorce if she wants any of his retirement. Even if they have not been married the 20 yo of active duty, she can still claim some of his retirement if the order is in place. Most states Retirements military or other wise are considered property.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks daybreak. From his current actions, I'm thinking maybe if she got a portion of his retirement income in the divorce, he'd get out just to nail her one more time. Hopefully, that's not the case.

Say a prayer that they don't have to move into the shelter when he gets them evicted. I know that he will be liable for child support and possibly alimony, but that'll take some time and it's running out too quickly.

Dobie

Dobie-welcome to our site- I am so touched your are standing for your friend. The situation sounds so terribly sad and should not be.

Reading brief details- The matter is highly dishonorable and wrong. I feel so sad for your friend and extend compassionate e-card of comfort and prayers for the both of you.

http://www.angelhugs.com/GoingThroughLife.html

My love
Sky

Sky,

That's lovely! Sending it to her right now. Thank you.

Dobie

Dobie-Delighted you enjoyed! Delighted to know your forwarding special thoughts for her. I can only imagine how devastated her interior world must really feel like. Disgraceful, how she is being treated-this should not be! You are a good friend!

Imho-If one will not receive help I should think immediate discharge dismal should be appliable. Good common sense. Don't think woman and children should pay the consequences for others nonscences. The lack of compassionate care your friend is receiving and treatment is ludricious.

Help is abundantly available for her Husband. He "chooses" to be a Bully. He rightly needs help. Seems some major housekeeping needs to be done!

Lovingly
sky

I just wanted to update those who offered advice and support for my friend. She finally got a temporary child support order. Her H's lawyer tried to claim that the rent payment was child support. The judge said that in that case, his BAH would count as income and his child support order would actually increase from what it was if you discounted BAH. I love that judge. There was also that issue that child support can't be "designated" for what the payer wants it to go to. It's up to the custodial parent's discretion.

Her Congressman also put a stop to the eviction nonsense. She's still looking to move out soon to cheaper housing, but the possibility of her being homeless is no longer an issue.

She still has a LONG road to travel, but thankfully she has some breathing room now. Thanks again to all who responded.

Dobie

Dobie & Cat-Lover

I was drawn to this post because it mentioned the word "military". My husband of (6 months) is in the Navy (17 yrs) and I really could use the support of some other wives out there probably going through or been through what I'm facing right now. I don't want to take away from the intent of this original post, so can you guys email me personally at amcarr777@hotmail.com and tell me where I can go in this forum to find this support. Thanks.

As for the poor Navy (STX), I will keep her and her children lifted up in prayer. Thank God things have started looking up for her.