Hi,

I'm 35 and my wife is 32.

I am a year out of gastric bypass surgery and have lost over 130 pounds so far. Before the surgery my wife and I recived the warnings about it and said " No, not us. We'll be fine" except..we're not now.

My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years now, no children and I work offshore, so I'm home 30 days and gone 30 days. We both gained weight over the years, but for me it was getting to where I wouldn't even leave the house on my time off anymore and became nearly a shut-in at 400+ pounds. My wife gained weight also, but it didn't seem to bother her like it did me. Sex went right out the window due to body issues I was having. So I researched, studied and decided on surgery.

So now for the first time in years I'm under 300 pounds. I get out more, I like doing stuff outside the house and things should be great....right?

But thats just it...they aren't great. She seems to resent the fact that I don't want to stay in the house anymore. We have all these long silences that I want to fill, but I dunno what to say. Sex ? No...now she has self image problems. I have this feeling we are headed down the road to getting so far apart that theres no coming back.

She doesn't want to see anyone to talk about this...and yet she doesn't want to talk about it with just us. Its like she wants to ignore it and it will go away.

Now heres the part where I feel like a bad guy. I'm not sure that I want to wait for her to " come around" to fix this. I feel like I've been a prisoner of my own body for the last 10 years of my life, and now I want to do things and be things that I didn't before. And the selfish side of me wants to "Go" and " Do" those things I wasn't able/willing to do. And I feel like I shouldn't have to wait for her to come around. oes that make me a bad person?..probably. But I don't know how to make myself stop feeling that way.

Any advice or input is welcome. And if you feel I'm being an [censored], share that too. I don't mind ...

Merriest Christmas--my warmest hugs to you during this sad time. God loves and accepts you just as you are!!! I pray His love and comfort will touch you and bring relief! It's going to be alright...your going to be OK.

I am sharing heartcomforting e-cards. So if you can turn up your speakers for a moment. God wants to comfort you because He loves YOU!

I am sorry about your wife-It hurts all so very much! Please be very kind and gentle to yourself!

http://www.angelhugs.net/AngelByYourSide.html

Christ Love
My love
Sky

We all sometimes feel guilty for our feelings but I believe our feelings are our feelings. However, we should do what is right. And what is right is being patient with your wife. She is your wife, not your possession. You cannot force her to get help but you can pray for her. Suffering, unfortunately, is part of life and sometimes, in the cause of the Lord, we don't do what we "want" but what He "wants."

Don't be a martyr, though. You are not her possession either. If going out makes you happy, then find some guys or family members to go out with. Keep inviting her and showing her how much she is needed and wanted in your life. If she just wont budge and finds your invitations annoying, then give her a hug and try to connect with her in another way. Watching TV and sleeping in the same room rarely do it though. Try sharing a book or playing a board game. Even learning to cook some yummy (dietary maybe--be careful with this one) treats.

I was worried about you and thought I would put my thoughts in.