I've come to terms with the fact that my marriage is all but over. Our house is being sold, I'm moving out soon to get away from his insanity.

Now - how to I handle WH being a complete jerk? I talked to him yesterday (big mistake) and he's trying to tell me I'm responsible for 1/2 of his 22,000 worth of debt that he racked up buying crap for HIM (his motorcycle, weekends away without me on his motorocycle, etc...) I was hoping to avoid alot of attorney involvement because that will just cost us more $$ -- seems now I can't avoid that though.

Then - I'm at my neighbors last night and she let slip that a woman was hanging around the house all day today (my WH works from a home office and sleeps elsewhere at night) So - seems he's got his whore hanging at the house while I'm at work. That was the ONE thing I'd asked of him - do not let her in that house - that is my space and it is an extreme violation to have that skank in my space. But - of course, he doesn't care what I say!! So - I'm just really mad and constantly amazed that he can be such a jerk. Through this whole horrible ordeal I've been extremely civil to him -- he's the one who cheated!! multiple times too!! Isn't that enough torture for me to bear??? He needs to continue it??? I left a message on his cell phone last night basically telling him i know she is there and again saying that i realize you have zero respect for me but i don't want her in that house!

It's ridiculous.... any ideas on how to not let this get to me?

He may be a jerk, but he may not be stupid. Any debt incurred during the M is the responsibility of both parties. So you may have to pony up for his toys - unless he bought them after you filed.
Check with your lawyer, or let your lawyer guilt him. However, if you have 1/2 the debt, you also have 1/2 the assets, so you could take the motorcycle.

And what is it with divorcing guys and motorcycles? My X bought one too.

No, he didn't buy them after we separated... the cards were in his name only, I didn't even know about the purchases... I talked to the attorney I had consulted with briefly - he agreed that it is marital debt but that if my husband is walking away with the motorcycle the court may make him take the motorcycle related debt as well -- I just think it is so crappy that he can't be a man and just take responsibility -- i'd been telling him for years to stop spending money like he was -- he lived way beyond his means for so long.

I knew that motorcycle was going to be the death of our marriage -- he spent way way too much time on it and it took priority in his life.

You own half of that motorcycle. I would attempt to point out to him that half of everything is yours - the assets and the debts. Drill into his head that you can be as tough as nails concerning exactly what you WANT out of this divorce, and start negotiating on how you want to handle what you consider to be yours and what you think is his. If he wants to keep the motorcycle, he'll have to buy you out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Really, try to be reasonable but get your lawyer involved. They really know the law and how to talk to people and negotiate. When I filed for divorce I listed ALL marital assets and their $ value in one column (house, cars, savings accounts, retirement savings, you name it) and all debts in another (mortgage, car loans, credit card, etc.). Above each column was a H (husband) or a W (wife) and a check mark for who 'owned' the asset or debt. Sometimes both were checked. Sometimes only one column was checked - my car vs. his car for example.

Now the lawyers and you and your spouse negotiate. If you can't come to some agreement, it goes to a mediator. If you STILL cannot agree, it goes to court and a judge. Getting divorced can take a very long time.

Get educated on it. Involve your lawyer. Be firm. Don't let him scare you.

He does realize I own 1/2 the stupid motorcycle as well but the value of that doesn't come close to how much 1/2 his debt will be. I've made it quite clear that I'm going to fight. I know I have to retain that attorney, just don't have the $$ at this moment -- will do it after the holidays.... or maybe now?? Was hoping it wouldn't get ugly -- seems it will!

Thanks for the advice!

Still,

If your state is an Equitible Distribution State, like mine is, newly is right, the debts and the assets aquired during the marriage are divided equally. The way I protected myself was to put a notorized separation agreement into place as soon as I possibly could (when my WS moved out from M home and in with OM). Being a legal binding document, you can stipulate all of the conditions that you wish to adhear to, set up an asset and liability clause and a property settlement structure. The courts have the ultimate decision as to the equitability (fairness) of the division of such, however, IMHO, some legal protection is better than none. Getting my WS to agree and sign took some finess, but it was worth it for me.

I also feel for you on the subject of 'invasion of your space'. I called it my 'sanctuary'. I was living in the M home when it was on the market and we divided everything up. (she took almost everything, I wanted a fresh start). I packed it all for her and moved it into the garage. I asked her not to let anyone in the house when she moved and she agreed not to. I left for the day so she could move out unincumbered. I returned to find her and OM in the house. He was standing in my bedroom! I kept my cool at the time. The next day, I expressed my displeasure and disapproval and her response was that 'he needed to use the bathroom' and 'it's still my house, too!'. Well, trying to explain equitable distribution (and that my bedroom was not a bathroom) to a WS who is in a fog and apparently in denial can be very frustrating and I don't suggest trying it (from personal exp). It got to me, at first, but that action just made me realize how much of a fog she was in and that she was still in 'Taker' mode, so I just accepted it and moved on (Oh, and changed the locks! - don't know if that was legal, but I figured I would find out soon enough)

newly; being a 'divorcing guy', I have no desire to buy and have no idea what it is with motorcycles. Personaly, I can't stand being around or sharing the road with motorcyles. IMHO, it is an ego thing, a very adolecent, "look how cool I am", thing.

Good luck and Be strong!

samm