My heart goes out to you because I know how hard it is to imagine not being with your spouse if the DV goes through. These ugly, painful situations can cause us to do some crazy things.
Though when my XH and I were first dating many years ago, we used to party a LOT, I'm not a drinker anymore. I have a drink maybe once every couple months.
But during the beginning of his A, when he was drinking all the time, I had lost focus of who I was and just wanted to be with him...to be close to him...whatever it took. I got REALLY soused a couple times with him and ended up in a similar situation to you (didn't get led all over the house...but still had the same end result <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ).
And yes, it did feel good to be in his arms again, but then I sobered up and thought about it and the more I thought, in my case, the more it ate at me. In my eyes, it was fake. We were both drunk. It wasn't genuine. He was seeing another woman. I just happened to be the convenient one to have sex with at that moment.
Although I missed being held and being loved (still do, to an extent), I feel better about myself overall by not lowering myself to do something that wasn't done under the proper circumstances.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with downing a few and having a wild night of sex with one's spouse..."if" I have a healthy and intact marriage.
Otherwise, at least for me, it just lead to bad feelings about myself. I felt like I cheapened myself.
LL
