It’s been a few months since I’ve posted; but I’ve lurked occasionally to see how everyone is doing. Many of you may recall my story so I will not rehash it. Recently my WW became my XW and is still seeing OM. OM’s W finally had enough and kicked him out but I do not know if OM is living with XW.

Many of you may find it interesting that XW will go to almost any extreme so as not to see me face-to-face. XW even arranged for our D to be done over the phone so she would not have to face me. (I was driving to the hearing 45 minutes before our scheduled time in court - cell phone rang - XW’s atty said that they were in judges office and wished to proceed immediately. I started to resist, then asked judge if this was on the up & up. He assured me it was so I got divorced over the telephone! First I’ve ever heard of divorce-by-phone.) Also, 12 yo DD was with me last week and forgot her glasses at my home after going to XW’s. I could not leave to meet them but waited for her & XW to stop by & get the glasses. XW pulled car all the way to next door neighbors house so as not to look in my window & see me. DD said she “accidentally” passed my home! Perhaps reverse is not working on her vehicle. It’s been months since XW will even look in my direction. My sis says it’s guilt but I haven’t a clue what it is and don’t worry about it. I’ve wished her the best and hope she finds happiness.

I’ve recently met a woman who is compassionate, responsible, respectful, and enjoys giving. I have to admit that I’m not used to this behavior. It feels funny, but good! (Or good, but funny!) She is showing me what’s been missing in my 15+ year M and I am slowly accepting it. I’ve been brutally honest about going slow and she says she’s willing to wait as long as it takes. I am nowhere near emotionally ready to enter a serious relationship, but this woman is a God-send and has helped me through an incredibly difficult time in my life.

For those who wonder if I would take XW back – my answer would have to be negative. No doubt there are times that I miss her, or the thought of her, but I am unsure who “her” really is or ever-was. The woman that I was so in love with (best-friend, lover, confidant, business-partner, etc.) is long-gone and may have never been there to begin with. Reality and history shows that XW is very dishonest and probably always will be. There is no way I would date, much less marry the person she is now. Besides; XW is extremely prideful and will never admit to wrong-doing. XW continues lying to my 19 yo DD (her step-DD) about her actions w/OM and mine. DD wants so badly for us to be together that she is not speaking to me due to these lies. (XW told DD that I would not forgive her. Reality is she never gave me the chance.) I’m having a very hard time with that, and hope that God’s plan is for DD to experience all of this for her better future.

Other than older DD; I am at peace with my situation. Marriage again is not even a thought at this time. I’m focusing on younger DD, work, home and church. 6-8 months ago; you could have knocked me over with a feather, but faith in the truth (thanks God), friends and family have helped in recovery. I’m finally looking forward to the future with anticipation (like my old self) rather than regret and it looks pretty darn good!

FR

Hi Fishracer,

I'm with you. My divorce will be final next month (I hope). It was short and I'm more than ready for it to be over. I'll get all the assets because he feels guilty. (My story is below.)

My stbxh left with only a note in mid-Oct. I had thought we had a loving, deep 25 year marriage....although he'd been having tremendous mood swings over the past year. Our grown kids and all our friends and families were equally clueless. He ran off with some chick he met on the internet.

After a couple months of pining and sighing and crying and another couple of weeks of soul searching, I'm more than ready to move on. The kids and I spent Christmas skiing at Vail - something I never would have done before. While I was up on the mountain, I realized I want to sell my house and move on. I'm going to law school....something I've wanted to do all my life. I'll be 52 by the time I start, but I can't think of a better time to do it.

So....yes....I, too, am moving on; eyes on the horizon. It's going to be a great journey!

Hey there gettingthere:

Sounds like you're doing well - congrat's! One of the truly amazing things about my journey is how so many people can be fooled (including me) by a spouse who is "miserable". We (I) have good friends in the acting industry. They were shocked when they heard about XW & A, saying that she definitely missed her calling - she should have been an actress!

Law-school. Sounds like fun. I'm happy for you.

One thing to keep in mind - I think he will be back at some point with his hat in his hand and his tail between his legs. Just be prepared! Good Luck!

FR

Blessings-Happy New Year. Loved your thread title, stood out and touched my heart in such a good flow. I am terribly saddened by what has happened to you. My condolences things didn't work out for you.

Wanted to drop off this e-greeting card to brighten the strength flow of your direction and day.

Many of us are starting to heal and actually at the constellation connecting points of recovery. The giant voids recede thankfully. I am grateful for the collective support to get us on to a better and brighter path though it is splintered.

God uses this all in unique way to draw us closer to His Heart and Soul. Would of been nice if our x's had the same vision, purpose and joined in.

Guess they are on a different path will meet with Him another route.

Life is always in flux-situations beyond our control happen. We pick up the pieces best we can,grieve, and move on to new horizons. This leg of the journey has produced a profound meaning that's for sure.

Salute,
Blessings,
Christ love,
Sky

http://www.angelhugs.com/Tranquility.html

Hi Sky Diver:

Thank you for the wonderful introduction to 2005! I wish the same to you. I was able to read a brief bit about you, but no details. Take care of yourself & thanks again!

FR

Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gettingthere:
<strong> I'm going to law school....something I've wanted to do all my life. I'll be 52 by the time I start, but I can't think of a better time to do it.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You go girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> We are the same age. I have a year left of coursework in my PhD program, and didn't start my Masters until I was 48.

Cheers!

Fishracer, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I’m finally looking forward to the future with anticipation (like my old self) rather than regret and it looks pretty darn good!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good for you! My WH has been gone for over 4 years and I've been trying to divorce him for over 2 1/2. I still swing between anticipation of the future, fear of the future, and I still sometimes feel the way you described:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...there are times that I miss [him], or the thought of [him], but I am unsure who “[he]” really is or ever-was. The [man] that I was so in love with (best-friend, lover, confidant, business-partner, etc.) is long-gone and may have never been there to begin with. Reality and history shows that [STBXH] is very dishonest and probably always will be. There is no way I would date, much less marry the person [he] is now. Besides; [STBXH] is extremely prideful and will never admit to wrong-doing. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm hoping I'll be able to finalize the divorce in 2005 and that it will bring closure. Ive maintained no contact with the help of a restraining order, but he also avoids seeing me. The last time we were to appear in court, he sat outside in his car and his lawyer had to keep interrupting the proceedings to go outside and confer with him. Even so, the judge agreed to his unreasonable demands. When I got back to my car there was a deep scratch along the driver's side.

Your older DD's unwillingness to talk to you must be so painful. Hopefully she will soon be able to see through your XW's lies.

gettingthere, Your statement </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had thought we had a loving, deep 25 year marriage...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">reminded me of the findings from a research study at the Univ. of Chicago in 2002. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The study found no evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married. Even more dramatically, the researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later....The vast majority of divorces (74 percent) took place to adults who had been happily married when first studied five years earlier. In this group, divorce was associated with dramatic declines in happiness and psychological well-being compared to those who stayed married. Unhappy marriages are less common than unhappy spouses; three out of four unhappily married adults are married to someone who is happy with the marriage.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">gettingthere and Deja Vu, You are inspirations to me! I'm 53 and have wanted to go back to school for my Masters but have felt overwhelmed running the business my H and I used to run together without the freedom to make significant changes to free up my time because I'm supporting H and OW (since business is 1/2 his) and don't yet know what it will cost me to buy him out, or if I even can. Hopefully, this will be my year to really get free and move onward and upward!