I am in the middle of a custody battle with my W. I have an order of protection against me that is almost expired. Nothing violent, just bad words coerced by my W, if I must defend myself.

Anyway, she is insisting on sole custody, while I am asking for Joint Legal with extended sleepovers (meaning one or two days during the week, as well as every other weekend).

Currently, she refuses to let me speak with our kids on the phone since December 10th. I used to have the opp to speak with them but she cut me off. Order of protection allows for phone contact.

I am sending her 90% of my paycheck to pay the bills in our house. However, after crying about money for 3 months, she refuses to accept the checks for 3 weeks now, and is not paying the mortgage, etc.

We are seeing a court-ordered psych and he is very sympathetic to my story. We have a 7 year old boy with autism, 5 year old daughter, and an 8 month old girl.

I think she is going off the deep end because she cannot afford the home we live in and is having a hard time dealing with the kids, house and home business which she is responsible of overseeing.

Our conference in family court comes up next week and I want to feel "reassured", if you will, that I will get what I'm asking for. I've lost nearly 4 months time with my kids and have seen them a total of 4 hours at the local Y, supervised since September 17th. This is such a joke.

Basically, I don't know if it's post-pardum depression or not, but my wife went downhill a month after giving birth to our daughter.

Meanwhile, she ordered the psych exam claiming I'm unstable. Yet, I brought to the doctors attention the physical, emotional and verbal abuse at the hands of her mother that occurred in my home in front of my kids. I'm talking fistfights, truck-driver cursing daily, plus a ton of guilt and emotional abuse. The psych then told me he was ordering my MIL in to speak with him. (Yippee!)

It was my opposition to the fact that my wife never could set boundaries with certain people in our marriage that got me taken from my home. She simply could not stand being between me and her family. Even though they verbally assault me consistently.

I am not a violent person at all. But my wife went on a mission to destroy us financially and held an attorney's retainer over my head for 3 months before I finally had it with her. That's where the order or protection comes in. She claims I threatened to hit her, etc. All false.

Anyone seen a sitch like this before? I'm dying to see my kids.

My brain is kind of empty today, but I'd see if the court will appoint a CASA for the kids. Court Appointed Special Advociate is what I think it stands for. It's basically a third party who will investigate the situation and make recommendations to support the best interest of the children.

Husbandlost- i must say, i can relate where your coming from,, i feel for ya,, more important i do feel for what your children are going thru.

I'll share my thoughts, and i'am no expert,,
for awhile the only expert i was- was the hurting expert.

I'll apologize in advance if i say soemthing that leaves you angered,, you must know though, it's only in hopes to help! sometimes i can be over blunt,, lol

After hearing only "your" version of the "problems", i'll say this, there is your story, her story, then there is the facts, truth, and results. hey, it does take two to make, and break.

I had a PPO served against me as well- a bogus lie filled info PPO. I filed the motion to have this terminated, after running about 8 months.

My 4 children, were quite affected!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have an order of protection against me that is almost expired. Nothing violent, just bad words coerced by my W, if I must defend myself.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i'm wondering, and only with curiousity, why didn't you file for this to be terminated? if it's only for words?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">just bad words coerced by my W[QUOTE]

what do you need to be heard from saying this? it was all your W's words? What role did you have? Can you, or do you, have any accountability/responsibility with this PPO? Other than your W's words that is?

anyhow,, i know this isn't the info you're after-

I've noticed thta alot of what and hgow you communicate, is as though it's all your W. ??
It still takes two-

[QUOTE]Anyway, she is insisting on sole custody, while I am asking for Joint Legal with extended sleepovers (meaning one or two days during the week, as well as every other weekend).</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i'm aware that more and more judges in the past has awarded JC. Are the two of you still residing in the same school district?

Something that just came to mind,, is it possible that the two of you adults can place your selfish wants on hold, and begin thinking/acting like adults? It is a choice, - still.

Your children are the ones who loose, and lose ultimately. and for much longer, than the adults. Besides, this shouldn't be about the adults,, should it?

Currently, she refuses to let me speak with our kids on the phone since December 10th.

I used to have the opp to speak with them but she cut me off. Order of protection allows for phone contact.

I'm wondering, how are you able to make such an assumption? Do you have the facts, and the evidence to support that claim?

you said- Order of protection allows for phone contact.

Then why don't you call your children?
I'm really not understanding here, if the PPO allows phone communication, yet the PPO was served as the results of words,,,??


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am sending her 90% of my paycheck to pay the bills in our house.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">tis nice hearing that your being responsible, regardless. Why are you sending the 90% though? Usually the CS rate is gased on all financial aspects, how many children, your weekly amount earned,,,???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">However, after crying about money for 3 months, she refuses to accept the checks for 3 weeks now, and is not paying the mortgage, etc.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">if your either obligated, or even feel obligated, maybe you can deduct that mortage amount, and pay it yourself directly to,, and keep records.

Again, what evidence do oyu have, to support such an assumption? Is this just an 'accusation' towards her? Is it possible that maybe she had to pay something else, there for choose to hold off the mortgage???

Are you saying she's not paying, for the fact she has not accepted any money from you in the last 3 weeks?

We are seeing a court-ordered psych and he is very sympathetic to my story. We have a 7 year old boy with autism, 5 year old daughter, and an 8 month old girl.

I too am sympathetic to oyur situation,,, for the children especially.

What is your W doing, that "you" feel she needs to have this? If it's just a result from someone being upset, angered --- could this maybe be an act of revenge? With hopes of maybe getting the JC?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think she is going off the deep end because she cannot afford the home we live in and is having a hard time dealing with the kids, house and home business which she is responsible of overseeing.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">change is quite scary. Is it possible, that maybe she too is just as confused?

I lost the house WW abd myself was buying,, for a short time, my 4 children and myself were homeless. It's nothing but scary, knowing the results, before the facts are even apparent. I was quite worried/scared, didn't necassarily mean i was over the deep end though? Maybe one could label. or judge me as such, dependin gon the eyes/mind of the observer. Do oyu understand what i mean?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Our conference in family court comes up next week and I want to feel "reassured", if you will, that I will get what I'm asking for.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is in the state i live in anyhow, they go by a point system,,, although i had recieved the majority of the points, there were still no absolute guarantees-either way. no one has a crystal ball.

One thing i did, was spoke nothing but the facts, and the truth. I didn't go in there and talk down, or bad about my W. I had no accusations, no assumptions, ?? {she's going off the deep end,,,???"} If your convinced, and or concerned,, maybe you can word this calmer
-example- i'm concerned about her well being,,,??
These people deal with upset, angry parents probably-daily.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've lost nearly 4 months time with my kids and have seen them a total of 4 hours at the local Y, supervised since September 17th. This is such a joke.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, i'm sure it is a joke. A sad joke, and very painful, with no laughter though. The joke, is with real emotions, and real tears. including- real fears. Can you imigain what your children may be experiencing? And wondering? including, asking "what did i do?" ????

yep, you may have lost 4 months, can you go back? WHats the pay off? Do you want to stay there? or move forward? Accept the hurt and pain,, it's ok to shout and yell if needed, just give it to a tree (for example) though.
Basically, I don't know if it's post-pardum depression or not, but my wife went downhill a month after giving birth to our daughter.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Meanwhile, she ordered the psych exam claiming I'm unstable. Yet, I brought to the doctors attention the physical, emotional and verbal abuse at the hands of her mother that occurred in my home in front of my kids. I'm talking fistfights, truck-driver cursing daily, plus a ton of guilt and emotional abuse. The psych then told me he was ordering my MIL in to speak with him. (Yippee!)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">granted, i'm no expert, no lawyer or judge,, although i'm wondering, what accountability could you as well have in allowing such acts, in front of your children?

You claim she is,,,off the deep end?? and (whatever else your claiming) she is claiming you're unstable,,, ??

If i were the judge, i'd be wondering about both adults about noe. Regardless of this outcome, you both need to, and always will be co-parents. right?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It was my opposition to the fact that my wife never could set boundaries with certain people in our marriage that got me taken from my home.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what do you need for to be heard from this statement? This is all her fault? We do need to learn to accept, and maybe even learn to accept responsibility? can you agree? It's ok to be po'ed, in my opinion, you need yto accept some form of responsibility.

So far, i've heard all about what you W did,,is this what you want everybody to hear? including the judge, friend of the courts? the psych?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She simply could not stand being between me and her family. Even though they verbally assault me consistently.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not quite exactly sure what you're saying here? Is this soemthing you helped leave ger feeling? as though she was between ???? I don't think i would like feeling i'm between something as well?? -spoken with some confusion-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not a violent person at all. But my wife went on a mission to destroy us financially and held an attorney's retainer over my head for 3 months before I finally had it with her. That's where the order or protection comes in. She claims I threatened to hit her, etc. All false.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">maybe this is all false. Now, can you ask yourself this, is it possible that this is a reflectionh of how she truly was left thinking and feeling?

I ask trhis, cuz i can feel the anger in your tone -even thru typing.

I wasn't ands never have ben violent towards my W in any aspect what-so-ever,, you know what? Thru my expressions of frustration, she was left not only scared, mad, confused, she was scared. At first- i was blown away. ALl i could think about was, - how can she lie like that? Rather i know for a fact she lied, honestly, all i can really do is wonder, cuz i don't have her mind. Maybe she 'felt' justified, for a reason.

Anyone seen a sitch like this before? I'm dying to see my kids.

not only have i seen a stitch like this prior,, i've lived a similar stitch.

I'm wondering, what are the chances,, you mentioned phone contact is allowed? right? I'm wondering- whats the chances of maybe tuning it down, and phoning her, being Mr Humble? Mr. Empathy? ANd Mr. Nice? Try listening to what she says, w'o your thoughts/feelings - just listen.

regardless of the outcome, just "thank her." and hang up/ I would keep the conversation topic, only about talking to the children.

I realize i may have sounded rough, harsh, ands i woul dbe lieing if i said i wasn't, bu tthose children, they are the hurting and the innocent ones. and,,, i'am only trying/wanting to help.

good luck,,work on you, &educate yourself.

stephan

are either of you involved with someone else? as in an affair? or dating somebody else?

Stephan,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i'm wondering, and only with curiousity, why didn't you file for this to be terminated? if it's only for words? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We did and was denied until psych exam was complete. Process has taken almost 4 months.

As for my role in the PPO, guilty as charged, but I found out from a friend that she was planning on instigating me to have me removed. In other words, this PPO was intentional, not spur of the moment. In fact, when the sheriffs wanted to remove me, she gave them conditions as to the time, who would be home, etc. Obviously, she was under no real threat.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">tis nice hearing that your being responsible, regardless. Why are you sending the 90% though? Usually the CS rate is gased on all financial aspects, how many children, your weekly amount earned,,,??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was paying all bills after I left. Judge ordered to give her the money to pay them and she has not even cashed the checks as of yet.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm wondering, how are you able to make such an assumption? Do you have the facts, and the evidence to support that claim?

you said- Order of protection allows for phone contact.

Then why don't you call your children?
I'm really not understanding here, if the PPO allows phone communication, yet the PPO was served as the results of words,,,?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How can I claim this? She told me I can't speak to them and not to call!! When I try to call, she either never answers or refuses to put them on the phone! My children are too young to answer the phone.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One thing i did, was spoke nothing but the facts, and the truth. I didn't go in there and talk down, or bad about my W. I had no accusations, no assumptions, ?? {she's going off the deep end,,,???"} If your convinced, and or concerned,, maybe you can word this calmer
-example- i'm concerned about her well being,,,??
These people deal with upset, angry parents probably-daily. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The way I described her was for illustrative purposes only. Much easier than trying to type out exactly what may be going on in her mind. I never denigrate her to anyone, it's quite the opposite.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yep, you may have lost 4 months, can you go back? WHats the pay off? Do you want to stay there? or move forward? Accept the hurt and pain,, it's ok to shout and yell if needed, just give it to a tree (for example) though.
Basically, I don't know if it's post-pardum depression or not, but my wife went downhill a month after giving birth to our daughter. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Without serious, serious intervention, I doubt we could ever be together again. The families got way too involved and she is very close with hers. P.S. She even Christened our daughter without telling me while I was shopping for toys for Christmas! What does that tell you about her?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what do you need for to be heard from this statement? This is all her fault? We do need to learn to accept, and maybe even learn to accept responsibility? can you agree? It's ok to be po'ed, in my opinion, you need yto accept some form of responsibility. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My MIL is extremely abusive. Cursing, violence, you name it I saw it in my own home. She will stop at nothing to come between her kids and their relationships. I've seen it happen to all 5 of her grown kids. So while I accept responsibility for whatever I did wrong in the marriage, she was instrumental in splitting us apart. My wife simply wants to go back home. Maybe I shouldn't have bought a house so close to her. She lives within blocks of us.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm wondering, what are the chances,, you mentioned phone contact is allowed? right? I'm wondering- whats the chances of maybe tuning it down, and phoning her, being Mr Humble? Mr. Empathy? ANd Mr. Nice? Try listening to what she says, w'o your thoughts/feelings - just listen. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believe me I tried for the first 2 months and the more I tried, the more she told me I deserved it. Not even a hint of trying to reciprocate. To me, this is not a marriage that can work. I was clearly outnumbered and my wife wants to show me that. She can be a real bully like her mother. They are not very lady-like at all. These are people that will destroy you any way they can if they are perceived to be hurt. They are very dangerous. We have 2 homes, a business and my wife would rather see it all go to waste than to see me have anything, or her kids! There is no excuse for that. Divorce is one thing, destruction is another.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Something that just came to mind,, is it possible that the two of you adults can place your selfish wants on hold, and begin thinking/acting like adults? It is a choice, - still. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want nothing more!!!! She refuses to even speak to me about anything! She placing it all in the judges hands!

husbandlost,


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">this PPO was intentional, not spur of the moment.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">not really understanding- hmm, spur of the moment,, (W talking here- i think i'll go place a PPO on my H) spur of momemts, are usually w/o much thought- right? Intentional, is it possible that she allowed some form of thinking process within her way of thinking?


What does she say, in as much of her words, why she refuses to allow the children to talk with you? What is she so mad at you for?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The way I described her was for illustrative purposes only.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(through interpretation and assumption of things you cannot KNOW)...in turn, when you focus on negatives it naturally reflects back your mistrust to your W which then is processed by her and fed back to you in yet another non-productive/hurtful/angry response)


Much easier than trying to type out exactly what may be going on in her mind. I never denigrate her to anyone, it's quite the opposite.

As this was the exact same in my situation, was i accused of certain things, in my mind the answer was and only could be yes. In her mind, i'm sure there was a validated reason- that's not saying neither of us were right.

WHile reading your posts, i hear a lot of negative coming from you,, 'if' this is the way you have learned to respond with your W, she too will hear -even through your menas of communication- our emotions, and thoughts reflect the way we will communicate. The impression, of which we will leave with others... so- i'm only wondering, if there may be some light shed within you, so as to only try to see where your wife may be coming from?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Basically, I don't know if it's post-pardum depression or not, but my wife went downhill a month after giving birth to our daughter.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">some more negative thinking, in another form-
is she post-partum, maybe- maybe not. Is this helping you? or her? to allow these thoughts?

What do you want me to hear with this? Are you labeling her by chance? Can this be something of judging her?

Is it possible her doctor can see her, and give a check-up?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Without serious, serious intervention, I doubt we could ever be together again.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what MG is all about??? Your M still can be saved, and thats the goal of Dr. Harley--and others. Can it be saved- there are never any guarantees-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The families got way too involved and she is very close with hers. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">sadly enough, most families really mean well, yet their own personal thoughts become to involved,, saying things like, "i never liked him/her anyway",,, you'll be better w/o,,,

families are to be supportive, right? I wonder if more family members were to visit and educate theirself with the principlas, maybe there would be more supportive families, to lean more towards saving a M, opposed to leading them to the Dv courts,,, just a wild thought there-sorry.

As i'm sure, if the vast majority of family members could only allow the empathy- and they were to feel that depth of the betrayal, frustration, the real pain to that most inner core-in ways they can only imagine,, ,but more so when there are children involved i'm sure there would be less Dv's---

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">P.S. She even Christened our daughter without telling me while I was shopping for toys for Christmas! What does that tell you about her?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">tells me she was concerned maybe about the child,,, are you wanting me to make a judgement call? WHy does this bother you? This was her choice, and she allowed that choice,,,,

is it possible that you can look at it in another perspective,, "at least she shared this with you." May not have been the time you wanted/needed, yet she shared,,

Do you think she did this, to intentionally leave you bothered or annoyed? Is this what you want me to hear? is that your bothered?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My MIL is extremely abusive. Cursing, violence, you name it I saw it in my own home.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Was this 'abuse' physical? Abuse comes in a lot of ways, and there are several different definitions of abuse? Whats more important, is that one would need to know the true intentions of the accused abuser. Can you ever know the true intentions of anothers mind?

Husbandlost, i'm not implying that there was no abuse, i'm only again, trying to help/ I can see from the way you share your thoughts, there is a lot of accusing, blaming, and in return, only generates more negative thoughts- negative thoughts are going to influence your thinking process, including your communiication ---


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She will stop at nothing to come between her kids and their relationships.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">see, another judgemental statement. Can you see the accusation here? How do you know this is what she wants? or is her goal? Has she toild you this?


I've seen it happen to all 5 of her grown kids. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So while I accept responsibility for whatever I did wrong in the marriage, she was instrumental in splitting us apart.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is where i'm trying to help lead you to,, "whatever" you did wrong? Lets talk about that? What did you do wrong in your M? You don't need to answer my question to me,, i'm only hoping you can/will answer to yourself,, at least.

WHat has your W had to say to you with that question in mind? What does she say? Have you listened to her?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife simply wants to go back home.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, tell her good-bye, and if you will miss her, share that with her too.

i think there is a part of you, that would surely rather work on the problems---
anyhow, this again is by choice. You don't have to agree, nor like it. If thats the case, how you share those feeings/thoughts with her, can depend on how you leave her feeing.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believe me I tried for the first 2 months and the more I tried, the more she told me I deserved it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ok, just agree with her, thats not saying she is right- it's not about right or wrong.

.essentially, it is about learning how to handle yourself: how to keep the discussion safe; how to stay curious and listening with an open mind; and how to share how you feel, without threat.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She can be a real bully like her mother. They are not very lady-like at all.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">These are people that will destroy you any way they can if they are perceived to be hurt. They are very dangerous.[/QUOTE]

i find these phrases- a real bully, not very lady like, these people will destroy you, they are very dangerous judging. can you agree?

Can you focus on why you feel this way? In other words, focus on why you frame your mind inot thinking this way? as reisforced with words you use??? Does this make sense ?

A question came to mind??? While your in conversation with your W, do you turn this form of thinking off, and turn on some other form?

Again, it is perfectly normal to hurt, and even be mad,, what we say and or do, can/will make all the differences,,,


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We have 2 homes, a business and my wife would rather see it all go to waste than to see me have anything, or her kids! There is no excuse for that. Divorce is one thing, destruction is another.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">divorce is destruction, destruction is divorce.


Does she have an e-mail account? Is she willing to talk to someone neutral? Can you send her a letter thru the mail ?? Is there a neutral friend available?

Do you have a court date yet? You do know, with her refusing to keep the children from you, has the potential of going against her,, the same applies with you, how and what you say, has the same potential,, ??


She has to be with reason for her actions and thoughts, they just don't appear for no reason,,,

i realize i may be way off with some of, or if not all,, i only hope for you, to see-hear- and focus on you, aga9in, i only wish to help <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

good luck-
stephan

Stephan,

With all due respect, how can you place so much judgement on me??? In regards to Christening my baby daughter without me or my family, what kind of mother does that to her child?? I AM HER FATHER AND YES THAT BOTHERS ME AND YES I AM YELLING AND NO THIS IS NOT THE REASON WE ARE SPLIT.

I feel you are looking into things too much and placing blame on me for these disgusting actions. I witnessed my MIL physically punch people in the face in my home while my wife goes to the court accusing me of domestic violence. Yet she conveniently "forgets" to tell the court evaluator about these incidents! Don't worry, he knows now!

Please stop analyzing every little word here. The point is that regardless of who is wrong, where and why, there are proper ways to treat people in these situations. And my wife simply will stop at nothing to punish me for crimes I did not commit. That is all I'm saying. Thank you for your insight.

Stephan,

With all due respect, how can you place so much judgement on me???

if im guilty of judging, i will give you my apology, i'm sorry. I only was hoping to point out what i was hearing from you-- with the way you were expressing yourself.

Yes, i would be mad at my W as well with the Christening w/o my involvement- you have evry right to be mad, and i agree.

In regards to Christening my baby daughter without me or my family, what kind of mother does that to her child??

if i were to say a selfish mother, would this leave you feeling better? Did she think of anybody else?

Would it help if i were to say the type of mother who would do certain things to their own, is a mother who is either mad, pi##ed off, frustrated, hurting,, and maybe even confused?

I can't answer those questions, as i was trying to point out, no one can truly know the true intentions, motives feelings or thoughts of anothers mind, can we agree with this?

We can make those assumptions, but where do they get us? mad again-or still?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I AM HER FATHER AND YES THAT BOTHERS ME AND YES I AM YELLING AND NO THIS IS NOT THE REASON WE ARE SPLIT.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yes, you are her father, and yes you have every right to be mad about that- this was her coice to do, not saying/implying you have to agree, or like it.

I was trying to see if you could see this throguh her eyes, only in hopes that maybe there could be an understanding- from her perspective,, i'm not saying i agree with her choices,, because honestly- i don't and i can't.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel you are looking into things too much and placing blame on me for these disgusting actions. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i appreciate your being honest here and sharing your feelings, i can say, i'm not blaming you, blame isn't a good thing- believe me i know, i've been blamed for quite awhile, and still am,, it doesn'yt leave one feeling to good,, it leaves ones mind to place on those verbal boxing gloves, and come out boxing--- so i can justify your feelings, realizing there is validation in my leaving you feeling blamed,, thats how you feel.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I witnessed my MIL physically punch people in the face in my home while my wife goes to the court accusing me of domestic violence. Yet she conveniently "forgets" to tell the court evaluator about these incidents! Don't worry, he knows now!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">great, and the courts do need this info- i didn't douptyou- that you had seen such.

The point is that regardless of who is wrong, where and why, there are proper ways to treat people in these situations. And my wife simply will stop at nothing to punish me for crimes I did not commit. That is all I'm saying. Thank you for your insight.

Husbandlost,, my W did alot of the dsame, wanted to punish me, for things i wasn't quity of,,, yet she felt i was,, thats not saying she was right or wrong?? the same with me,,

i've been accused of attempting to popison her, two occassions, raping her, abusing her, and the list does continue,, she felt the need to punish me-- 'for soemthing,'obvious- i was hoping to help you to see if maybe there could be some justifaction in her "feelings" again, thats not implying that your guilty of anything,,
thats not the message i wanted to leave, maybe i failed to communicate proper>

Feelings are not something that is right or wrong,, they are something that changes as much as the wind changes directions,,,

i do wish ytou the best of luck,, i remember still, the pain i went thru, when my children were refused to phone me, and even see me.

When i was permitted to see the,.. they would literally try running away, crying screaming, and asking why daddy? why are you doing thids to me? I love you daddy? They would also grap each and everything in their paty-hanging on with all their smite, refsuing to let go,, ading, don't make me or us- go back there,, she is mean,, hers ugly,, crying all that much harder,,

There was a reason,for her decision/choices- rather it's justified or not, there was a reason, i wanted to help you see that reason, from her perspective,(not implying either of you are right/wrong,,) but more so for those children of yours,, for you. for them,, i feel that pain of yourds, i've been there.

wishing you the best,