my husband has decided he ewants a divorce. i dont, but as i was at his house on tuesday - we have been se[arated for 4 months - his exgirlfriend called him. he told me a week before that that he had called her. i have a 21 month old that calls him 'papi' (from a previous relationship) and our 4 month old son. he was born 8 days before i kicked him out. he possibly fathered this girls son, but we dont know for sure. he cheated on me with her 1 month after we started dating, but claims it was over before we got married. we have been married a little over 1 year. he has not worked for over 6 months, and smokes marijuana. i have the 2 kids, which i have to be responsible for most of the time, and i work and go to college full time.
i fell like he married me just to get over her, and it did not work. she is 16, he is 23, and i am 28. his father is amrried to her mother, and they have lived together as brother and sister before. i always thought it was pretty sick but i ignored that thought because he was so good to my daughter, and he accepted me even though i have herpes. he was very romantic for a very long time.
i am trying to be more of a christian, although it is not easy during school and since i attend school every other weekend. he has made no attempte to go to ahy church. i dont know what god wants for me, i dont know how to pray, and i dont know what to do. i feel like i am fighting against something that i cannot control. i dont WANT this, i want my children to have mommy AND daddy, i am scared that they will grow up to resent me. i feel like i will never again find a man, a fat divorced woman with 2 kids from 2 different men and a disease. i thought this man was my soul mate. thought we would be together forever. he promised to never hurt me, and swore he would never be with this girl again. now they laugh at me, because they were more powerful than our love for each other.
i still have hope that someday he will change his mind. but in the meantine, how do i know what god wants for me? how do i save my marriage? IS there a way to save it? do i give up, keep trying, divorce, not divorce???? i dont KNOW!! some people tell me to walk away, others tell me to just hang in there. but i need to know what GOD says. how can i find out? how do i listen? and what do i do while i wait??????????????????????????????????????????
i dont know where to turn, and i am tired of crying. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
<small>[ December 30, 2004, 10:29 PM: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</small>
