I've posted several times recently about my ex and how I'm really trying to stick to supervised visits only, as it says in the divorce decree, no matter what my ex does. Now he's sent me an email that if I don't allow an unsupervised visit, the kids won't get any presents from him this year. He's already been bragging to them and me that he bought them over $600 in presents. He tells me I'm bitter and twisted for wanting to follow judge's orders, and doesn't see how I sleep at night. He told the kids they can't have their presents this year, because "mom won't let me give them to you".

How do I handle so much mean-ness? He knows I want my children to be happy and so he's using that to get me to do something else that could harm them.......it's a no win situation all around.

ann,

You stick to what the decree says!!! It was worded the way it is for a reason and you must follow it!!!!

I forget, how old are your kids? If they are old enough to read let them read the e mail from the x saying that he won't let them have their presents if you don't let him have un-spuervised visits. He is bullying you, let them see it. Put the problem back where it belongs on him. He is the one not doing what the decree says, there are rules for grown ups just like there are for kids and your x isn't playing by them, let the kids see that, it will show how he truly is, the kids have probably already figured him out tho, the saddest part is that no matter what, he is still their dad. The same as my x, is still the dad to my kids, they've got him figured out tho, took awhile, but he is still their dad and they stick up for him, but they know!!! Does that make any sense?

ann, do what you have to do to protect your kids they are what is important here!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ann,

i have to second the motion- stick to what hte judge has ordered.

Not knowing your ex- or the situation,,,yet i'm left wondering from what you've shared as to him saying the things he has,, i doupt that i'd trust an unsupervised visit,, as i'd only wonder if the possibility exists that this would go against you,,at some later time????

as much as this whole ordeal is saddening, for those innocent children,, my heart goes out to them,, and you.

Sometimes it hurts to have to be against,, who we used to be all for- and being the other parent of our own important assests, our children-->

I'm not sure what to think about having the children read what theor dad said though,,?? the age surely would bve a determing factor?? are they in their teens by chance? If not, may i only suggest trying to refrain from allowing them to read,,

is it possible that you can place this on your shoulders, and let them know that mom said no, and for now- we'll leave it as such?

Regardless, he is their dad- as mean/cold as he may be,, he's still their dad.

What do 'you' think? will he turn this around, and use it against you? How do you feel? Do you feel you can trust him?

If you refuse to allow the unsupervised visit, as we're sure he may become mad,, and remind you he won't give them their presents- simply remind him,, that's your choice honey, sweetheart, or darling, or whatever nice calm name you want to place in there,,,

only shring my cents worth, and most the time, it may only be a penny's worth,,lol

stephan

Thanks Stephan and daybreak. Here's a quickie recap of my situation, if it helps:

3 years ago I literally "escaped" from my ex who was verbally, emotionally, and threatening to be physically abusive to me. The judge quickly granted a 2 year restraining order against him.

Through a tip off from the county sherriff; I learned that before I married him, my ex had a felony for pulling a loaded gun on an officer, and had done prison time for molesting two stepsons from his first marriage. This brought up huge red flags, as he had refused sex for the last 7 years of our marriage, suddenly many lies made sense, etc.

When this information was presented to the judge, he immediately granted me sole custody and said my ex should have counseling with someone specializing in sexual abuse.

My ex never did any of this, and after the no contact order expired, he began to call and come around and be charming and kind.....talk about how he wanted to be a good father, how he didn't treat me right.....etc. I weakened and allowed him some Saturday afternoon visits, as long as all the kids were together and no overnights. He soon changed and began demanding individual visits and overnights, I said no.....then got married to a man with strong boundaries who my ex didn't like......my ex punched him when my H backed me up.......and I put my foot down about a month ago as to NO unsupervised visits.

The kids are 9, 11, and 13 now.

Does that help?

Ann,

i'd be refusing the unsupervised visits,, in fact, i'd probably refrain from allowing that thought to even be entered into my thoughts,,,

and you now what, not knowing your religious ways,, but maybe you can let your children know-if they don't already- that Jesus only recieved three gifts.

With ex punching your now H, how long ago? Can you still get another RO against him?

and you wonderful mom you,, keep that foot down! and planted too! lol
stephan

Stephan,
I'm a Christian, and we attend a Baptist Church. This happened about a month ago, and two deputies were sent out.....they don't trust him at all and have "hinted" they are investigating him; altho I don't know why. In fact, the sheriff said they had just served him papers that morning, altho not what for. That was interesting as I had nothing to do with that...he is current on child support, etc.

Anyway, the sheriff "scolded" me for allowing him any contact with the kids, so that has really given me more backbone; and my new husband is so much less soft hearted than I am; a good thing in this case.

It's just hard seeing the kids want a relationship so bad with their dad, and he lets his anger and hatred towards me get in the way.

Stick to your guns and what the court says. I dropped a restraining order against my husband and now I really regret it. It is very costly to get them in my state. You have to go to court with an attorney, etc. So, now I just have to bear up under the abuse until I can get my divorce filed. Your x is using manipulation and control. He will use the same things on your kids. Although, I believe sometimes they are smarter than we are. It is so difficult to make these decisions when the kids are involved. As far as what they know, etc. I'm not sure what to do. I really think I'm making mistakes in that area too. But, you fought to protect them, so don't give it up now. Your kids are pretty close to teens. They'll understand one day. If you get any good advice on how to deal with them, pass it on to me. Mine are 11,13 & 17. They don't have a clue that their dad is a substance abuser. They do know about the OW though.

Anna,

As much as you don't want your kids to know the truth about their fathers past--

You really need to be honest with them about it, even if you have to get the police reports or newspaper articles--your kids have a right and a need to know--so that they know you are trying to protect them--and not just saying--"no, I don't want you to see your dad"

As you don't know all the details of the situation of the past--you can tell your kids he went to jail for touching their brothers inappropriately--
and because I love you SO MUCH, I don't want to take ANY Chances of him doing that to you--

and because of his past actions the judge said he needed to get counseling--and his visits need to be supervised--so that HE could make sure you are protected from that happening to you--

It's not that I don't want you to spend time with your dad, because I know you love him--but I don't feel that you would be safe being there alone with him--and because I love you, I don't want to take ANY CHANCES--

you really do need to be honest with them--so that they don't try and run to him--and then something happen to them and then they be afraid to come home--