My STBXW is turning into the typical greedy, back stabbing go for everything you can get your hands on person you hear about.

ISBTH

My divorce went rather smoothly, took nine months but I had no bitter contacts with my XWW. I sense that she really did not want to dv me but at the time was too much in lust and was pressured into the dv by OM.

Well that's just it. I am sure my STBXW's OM is like a little bird in her ear telling her to go for this, do that, don't put up with this etc. etc. etc.

ISBTH

ISBTH,

Ditto for my XH and his OW when we went through ours a few months ago. The dust did settle a bit once the papers were final, though. Look forward to that.

LL

unfortunately I am very early in the process and the dust wont settle for a long time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

unfortunatley I went through the same, the ex W totally went into self preservation and "get as much as she could" mode.. its natural instinct for her to do this, as shes probably already planned a life without you and knows that she will need everything she can get her hands on and achieve whatever fantasy she has.. especially if someone is whispering in her ear.

You should definatley have a clear plan on how you approach this and make sure you look out for yourself too... Im not saying get nasty like her, but you know whats fair and what you would be happy with.. I played everything more than fair but think I should have been a bit harder.. no regrets tho, just be aware that when in that mode she will try and get as much as she can..

I thought about the future when I went through this, will I be happy when I look back? Was I always the gentleman and the bigger person etc.. make sure you look out for number 1 not only in monetary or an assets basis but also look after the health of your state of mind, baggage is easily picked up and harder to dump, so the fairer you are about it now the easier it is for you to be positive about yourself and your actions..and later when the time comes to move on.. (well thats how I approached it) I really wish you well for 2005.

Yes.. in answer to your question there are agreeable divourses but I'd say not usually, but it takes two empathatic people, unfortunatley in divourse there is a lot of pain which clouds any empathic feelings so it normally ends up being every man (or woman) for themselves.. tho in saying that.. in atleast having one emapathic and fair party always helps things run smoothly just make sure you as the empathetic party dont get walked over.. there are more experienced members on this board that will be sure to comment on this..

<small>[ January 04, 2005, 09:22 PM: Message edited by: Confused-NZ-Auckland ]</small>

Some people are just that way, when they are in conflict they go for the throat. Get the best divorce attorney that you can find; this is usually the one that command the highest billing rate. The local bar association usually has a listing of "distinguished" attorneys in the area; use one of them. Think of it this way, every dollar that you spend is one less you will have to give to her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I can only speak for myself - I reluctantly gave in to her demands to divorce me and kick me out of our house.. I let her have everything she wanted - not a chicken's way out but I wanted for our 2 kids to have as much as possible.. she was also greedy, lying and backstabbing, never could get enough stuff from me and wanted more. I took the bare minimum to survive and of course, NONE of our money - oh no! She cleaned out our entire savings and put it into HER own account. I walked away with $15 in my pocket after our Divorce while she had $23,000. I let her keep it.
It's now 6 1/2 years later. She's already had to file personal Bankruptcy, lost a lot of her stuff.. and she continues to spend money like water - whenever she can get her hands on any..
What happened to me?
I've never had a higher standard of living as I enjoy now - not snooty rich or anything like that, just better off now than I was.. She's still broke and always will be - just like that movie 'The Money Pit' - ha! That's her - she never will have much of anything to show other than big fat bills.
Believe me, you take the HIGH ROAD and when you look back and see your Ex-Spouse crashing and burning, you will KNOW in your heart that you had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with it and so you will not feel guilt, no matter what they say to you, coz they will SURELY blame it ALL ON YOU and you can say that is a LIE just like everything else they said to you because YOU took 'The High Road'
I sleep good at night, knowing it was ALL her OWN doing.
SDLOTR

My separation/divorce should be pretty straight forward and simple but whenever WH gets around OW he gets completely ridiculous -- I know she's yammering in his ear and trying to get her paws on as much cash and "stuff" as she can get. I moved out and took what I needed to set up a new place -- we had discussed the stuff I was taking (he was the one who started all this after all). Then after spending a week with OW he changed his mind -- said I shouldn't take any mutual property from the house -- right... moved anyway and took what I was planning on taking. Then he says he's going to make a list of all the stuff I took so we can figure out what its worth!! I'm like gee ok, let's see, I took a 6 year old king bed (mattress set only) and the stuff from the kitchen -- I left the big screen TV and surround sound system -- hmmm... what is worth more????? idiot.... only because he is now inconvenienced and has to sleep with his overweight OW in a twin bed... too bad! (sorry for overweight comment, normally I'm not like that but can't help being catty when it comes to her!!!)

That's just it. My STBXW gets powerful after spending time with her OM. Then she settles down and says she wants to be cordial. We are still living together and things have been peacful the past few days. I am ever so cautious however. I figure she is setting me up for a big one.

My STBXW spends money like it's water as well. I can imagine her running her OM into debt soon after we part ways and they hook up officially.