I'm 33 y/o divorced..4 kids. I innitiated the divorce due to physical abuse, drug and alcohol use, and failure to help support the family. 13 years married. Now he's remarried to a 22 y/o who doesn't "really like" my kids. He is working steady for the first time ever. The wife quit her job and stays home while he stays at work for several days(in motel in another part of the state) I have heard from someone she was cheating on him with just prior to the wedding that she still is. Now.....when this all falls through...I still want the covenant marriage with him. I still pray for his salvation and conversion. I know there may be issues...she may have children by him(I don't want to think about that) I don't know if this is what God is calling me to...or am I so co-dependant that after 2 years....I still can't get past it? Has anyone heard of an abuser changing so much? I just don't know if I'm thinking right. I do believe that God hates divorce and I should stand and pray. I have dated, but it never lasts beyond the fact that it's just not him. thanks...Gina

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I innitiated the divorce due to physical abuse, drug and alcohol use, and failure to help support the family.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like getting him out of your life was the right thing to do.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now.....when this all falls through...I still want the covenant marriage with him.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's not a healthy individual.

What you want may never be possible with an addict.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still pray for his salvation and conversion.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pray for him, sure ... Meanwhile, keep yourself and your children safe, away from an abuser and addict.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I just don't know if I'm thinking right.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you know you are not thinking right. You just want affirmation that you did the right thing ... getting away from an abusive situation is ALWAYS the right thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do believe that God hates divorce and I should stand and pray.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God does not want you to get hurt,nor does God want your children living with an addict.

Make peace with your past... and just live the best life you can right now. Are you getting child support?
Pep

What you want and what you can expect to have in may be different. You do not have the power to restore this relationship. It is fine, I think, to pray for anyone's health - including mental or physical health for any person including someone who has hurt you.

I have a feeling that what you miss is not the marriage you actually had. I think you miss the marriage you thought you were promised.

I doubt you miss the pain and chaos in which you probably lived. I doubt you missed the way your x treated you.

To want a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship is one thing. To want to reenter an abusive one is another.

He has started paying child support about 2 months ago...first time ever. He refused before..he has started asking for his kids now when he's off.(as opposed to having the wife pick them up and he was never there)....he's never worked before at a real job. He's starting to grow up...he and the new spouse are already having problems also...she has never been refused anything by her dad....now he has told her he can't afford all the stuff she wants and is telling her to go home to her parents. He has told me before that he didn't realize that I had "spoiled him" by paying all bills, etc. He's figuring it out. I think God is able. I don't think God works on my time. I think i'm ok now....I just don't want to move on and not know that God may be working on something amazing. Gina

Pepperband is right. God may not want people to run around divorcing each other at the drop of the hat, but God is whole heartedly against suicide and throwing away his most precious gift: Our very selves.

Look at it this way. A nice kind man gives you a glorious and rare orchid to enjoy and care for while he's busy at the office. He provides an outline of how to care for it, but leaves it up to you. Now, do you let the neighborhood hooligans trample the plant? Do you neglect to water it? If you discover sun spots because the sun is too strong in that window, do you leave the plant there because you decided that was where the plant looked good?

God is not an excuse to go back into an abusive relationship with an addict. God is a reason to get away and keep yourself and your children safe physically, finacially and spiritually.

Have you checked into www.Restorem.org? If not, please check them out.