I won't go into specifics here - it would take too long to give all the setup anyway. But it just never ends.....

My X and I have been divorced about 6 months. We had no kids, and everything has been settled. But it's never enough. He wants more stuff; he finds other reasons to continue calling. He vacillates between implied threats and gestures meant to show how "wonderful" he is...

I changed both my home and cell numbers, because he and OW were calling leaving really nasty messages. Now the only number he has is my work number, and though I could probably change it as well, that would be a big hassle, and I would really rather not. I also really love all his family, so I would hate to make it so he has NO way to contact me, as if anything happened to his parents or someone else in the family, I would want to know.

But I'm so tired of the drama. I think he's addicted to it. Everytime things settle down, and I think "finally, I can move on with my life and have things be BORING again," he starts the drama up all over again.

I don't return his calls. I don't return his e-mails. So what's the latest move? He's returning to church. Evidently, yesterday, did the whole "going up front, crying, saying how wrong his life has gone, etc."

Ok, I realize that sounds very cynical of me. After all, that's what I should be hoping for, right? That he find his way back to normalcy. But this is not the first time he's been in front of the church saying he has problems and needs help. Last time, he fully admitted to me that it was for my benefit - to get me to believe him more. Fortunately, I had a headache yesterday afternoon and didn't make it to the service where he showed up.

I do hope he's sincere this time, but.... I won't go back. It's over. He was WH who refused to call it off with OW, went from discussing having a family with me to, two days later, telling me about the affair. Already got OW pregnant once (she lost the baby though.) And though I do hope he's sincere and gets his life back on track, there's no way at this point it would be with me. And now, on top of it, I feel selfish because all I can think is that I don't think any of this IS sincere, and that if it is, I really wish he would take it to another church. I am VERY involved in my church, and switching is not really an option for me. The people there are my second family - the only "family" I have in the area where I now live. He was never that involved in the first place. So why can't he go someplace else to get his life straightened out?

Of course, I don't think that's really what it's about at all. I think there were problems at "home," that possibly (probably?) OW kicked him out, and he was driving around, not knowing where to go or what to do, and ended up driving to the church.

I think I've suddenly had a revelation.... I married (and divorced) a drama queen! Who knew?

Ok, I think I'm done venting for now. I'm just trying to get it all out of my system during the week this week, so that I can steel up my resolve and strength for next Sunday, in case he actually does show up again.

I have even found that over the past few months, I've really been wishing that X and OW would be one of the ones to beat the 3% odds, and actually stay together. Because whenever there's problems between him and her, he shows up in my life again!

((( hugs )))

Keep your invisible protective shield raised to guard you from their toxic fallout.

"drama queen" ... ~LOL~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

Thanks, Pep.

I really want to send him the lyrics to a new song I've been hearing on the radio that says it all. I can't do that, though, because I am refusing to contact him for ANY reason. Contact just encourages him to keep trying to draw me in.

But I love this song, so I'll post the lyrics (what I have of them, anyway) here.....

My Give a Damn's Busted
Sung by JoDee Messina
Written by Joe Diffie

Well you filled up my head with so many lies,
You twisted my heart 'til something snapped inside.
I'd like to give it one more try,
but my give a damn's busted.

You can crawl back home, say you were wrong,
stand out in the yard and cry all night long.
Go ahead and water the lawn,
my give a damn's busted.

I really want to care,
I want to feel something,
Let me dig a little deeper,
Naw, sorry... nothin'.


You can say you've got issues,
you can say you're a victim.
It's all your parents' fault,
I mean, after all you didn't pick 'em.
Maybe somebody else has got time to listen,
my give a damn's busted.

Well your therapist says it was all a mistake,
a product of the Prozac and your co-dependant ways.
So, who's your enabler these days?
My give a damn's busted.

I really want to care,
I want to feel something,
Let me dig a little deeper,
Naw, still nothin'.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

heeehawwwwwww

good one!!!

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I love those lyrics!!! Wish I could hear the music. I will be looking for it. Pat

Penguin

Would you consider getting back with your X if you knew he were sincere?

I'm in a similar situation but find myself waiting for a chance to reconcile with my X. I can't wait til I'm at a point where I don't care anymore.

You can hear this at
http://www.jodeemessina.com/home/

Sweethomenm...

No, I wouldn't even consider it at this point. Too many things have been said and done.... I could never really trust him again. Plus - family is very, very important to me, and in all this, he didn't just hurt me, he hurt my family. I know his personality, and my family's, and I doubt he would ever go back to visit my family with me again. Nor would it be a very comfortable visit if he did.

Then there's what I told my sister the other day. My mom has been rather worried that I might feel sorry for him and let him back in my life. I told my sister that she shouldn't worry - now that I've gotten my life and my house back, he wouldn't be back in the house 24 hours before I'd end up killing him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Every situation is different. In my case, the extent to which he lied and went behind my back is just too great to overcome. I discovered he had been putting personals on-line for years that were very blunt about him being married and wanting to just find people to mess around with outside his marriage. I really don't think he was ever looking for a replacement for me, or to get out of the marriage, that he just ended up getting in over his head with the latest OW. I've thought several times through all of this that he was sincere about wanting to get back with me, and even that he was sincere at the time about stopping the cheating. But I also think his problems are larger than that - that he would do it again eventually, no matter how sincere he is right now.

I don't know your story, so I don't know how realistic it is for you to want your X back. For me, it would not be a very good idea at all, and I recognized that. It doesn't mean that I don't care, unfortunately. If that were true, I probably wouldn't have posted any of this at all! But some days are better than others, and I can see how much better and happier my life is these days, so it outweighs the sadness over the loss.

And the best thing I know to tell you is this: the more you work on yourself and on having a good life without your X, the easier it will get. You may never get completely to the "don't care" stage, but the busier and the more involved in your own life you get, the better it will get.