2 1/2 years ago I posted to MB after I discovered by H was having an EA with my BF. I was so grateful for all the support and I found the strength to confront and be adamant in my point of view. He cut off all contact and we went to IC. I wanted MC but he was not willing. We slid through the following years without really having solved the issue - we had only applied a bandaid.

H has since become a CPCC (Certified Professional Life Coach). He still works his regular job at the bank. IMO these trainings have done nothing but support his selfish view of live and I am afraid I have not been overly supportive regarding the retreats etc that have, I feel, taken over his life.

In October he was on a weeks retreat in California and came home totally detached (more than usual). He had a seminar he had to create and give and he decided to do it on Intimacy!! TO me that was quite a jolt - but you know they say those who can't do teach! (no offense to teachers out there I think you are indespenible!!) Anyways my thought was that I would like to attend with an open mind, I always felt left out of his life when it revolves around coaching,maybe I would feel better about the secret society if I found out what it all stood for and was familiar with the unknown. To make a long story short it ended up that I couldn't go as a single and had no one to go with me as he was facilitating. It felt horrible left at home. I was hurt and felt abandoned again.

At the end of the weekend we had really bad fights, I tried to explain my feelings but he wanted no part in it.

He left the following weekend for a coaching conference ( I was supposed to go but child care arrangements didn't work out). He came home the following Monday and announced he was unhappy in the marriage and wanted to live alone. He said he hadn't been happy ever and new there was a better life out there somewhere for him. I said I though we should have gone to MC years before and asked if we could go now? He said he wasn't interested in fixing anything. We ended up going to IC again. It helped me to talk to her to get my self in a position of strength again and I wanted to work on myself in order to be a better partner. Apparantley his C suggested he has been in a victim triangle most of his life and he says he is working on this although he keeps saying nothing is going to fix us!

We have three children together, we had a beautiful home. He has a great career and I own my own business. You would think that would be worth preserving.

I stayed fairly calm for 6 weeks while he kept saying he was leaving as soon as he could get the $ together to leave. I couldn't just sit around and wait to be left in a big home I couldn't keep up myself. I found a smaller home and bought it, me and the kids move in Feb 1, our house sold in less than 10 days and he will be in here alone for 6 weeks after we leave before the new owners take over.

I guess my question is was it wrong for me to make the first move if I wanted to keep hope for the marriage? We would have so much work to do on the marriage if he decides he wants to try. He hates my business and has never been supportive of me in any way regarding it, just angry, he has travelled alot for business and his coaching and I have had to be the constant at home with the kids for longer that I wanted too but I also wanted to support him in his career choices.

I'm sorry I am rambling but I feel kind of numb today - H is in CA on another weeks retreat and today when I was going thru the bills I found lots of long calls to the suspected OW since Oct last retreat. She is in the group and he is there now again with her. He says nothing is going on but I cant belie <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ve that! I think she may have been at the convention with him.

I called his voice mail today and said I was giving him one last opportunity to come clean about it and he should be upfront if he wanted to remain on amicable terms with me. Did I do the right thing?

Plan A, see if he will move in with you. Hire a PI and see if his affair ever stopped or if he is having a new affair. MC. See an attorney to know your rights.


He may have continued his affair behind your back or had one this weekend. No one makes that sudden a move without somewhere to go. Was infidelity a factor is previous relationships for him?

Keep reading-Hugs.

Thanks NJ for answering.

The first A ended shortly after D Day and the former BF now has wrecked another marriage and is hot and heavy with her new OM. This new one is a M mother of 2 who lives in AZ, we are in Canada. They are in a coaching group and see each other every few months as long as the course continues until March this spring. I know that these relationships are a way he has of filling his void, my IC says she thinks he is a narcisist to some degree, 5 of 9 points on scale.

I think that when I got tired of being alone and started my business 6 years ago ( he said he would divorce me if I did) he figured he wasn't going to be the center of my existence any more. I really needed to feel alive and wanted to accomplish and succeed in my own world once my children were all in school. I have been quite successful and have just recently expanded. This created further animosity between us. We have never been able to resolve on our own. I have always felt that if we worked together on it we would have something more to retire on. He could offer so much in the way of business acumen if he chose to do so.

I really love him in so many ways and accept the imperfections we all have.

There is now way he would move in to the new house with us unless he could not afford to buy his own place. He even says he will rent if he needs too! He is adamant that we will not get better and not to have hope. I did Plan A years ago and it worked very well, still not enough to convince him to MC. I have been trying to do a decent Plan A but this time it seems harder. I am afraid that once I move that the separateness will make Plan A almost impossible especially if he is distracted by outside interests.

I have three weeks once he gets back before we separate. I will do the best I can and hope that he will have a change of heart.

We have an appt with a mediator on the 12 ofJan to go over our separation agreement. He wants everything on paper quickly. I worry about the future and the post move feelings the kids will experience; it's going to be hard to single parent teenagers. So far they are great kids but I am afraid they may get angry and I won't be able to cope with it all. It's all happening so fast and I am afraid! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I just got off the phone with H and asked him about the OW. He says she is special to him and her husband knows about him and their friendship! I have a hard time believing that it would be okay with him if he knows the extent of their connection!

He says our marriage is definately ending and I should accept that and resolve to be friendly with it all! That MC would have never fixed us because it has been wrong for so long! I am so angry that his long term selfishness made it that way!

I am feeling so betrayed right now and I am afraid I was not very Plan A in my responses to him! I think I blew it again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />