I was married to him 5 years ago. 2 years ago we started seeing each other again. then this summer he asked me to move back in. 5 months later he is distant from me. says to much building up inside him, hates himself for asking me to move back in. The problem is that he never forgave me for the affair i had on him and getting a divorce. A little about myself back then, i had a hystericotomy totally messed up my thinking, felt unloved by everyone, found a friend on the internet that friend turned more, actually he was something i was missing. but didnt know it at the time it was wrong. My family left me go to do as i please. Now its still in my exhusbands mind. I think he is having the winter blues, and i am the punching bag taking it out all on me not caring how it is hurting me. We were getting along wonderful, but he says not. He is a type of man that holds things in and explodes. Well the explosion is on me now. I have all the love back with me and now he wants me gone, but he keeps telling me he isnt telling me to go. We talk and i bring tears to his eyes, because i didnt know what pain i brought him 5 years ago. I know how it feels now. I dont even want to live anymore. i cant eat or sleep. its been 10 days with no food. Still i have no hunger just pain and all i do is cry. He keeps giving me mix emotions about our situation. I cant take this no more. i would rather be dead then go through this. Not knowing how to fix this. I talked to a rev. at the church i used to belong to, that is his family minister. She feels that he needs to talk to her. well he agrees, but only doing it to make me understand. Not to let her know that he is still hurt from what i did, he never told me this at all. Now out of the blue its killing him inside.. Please can this be fixed. I cant bare to be without him. i finally got him back in our lives not to let him go. The sad part about this is that i feel like we never got divorced that we are still married. Oh god help me.. how can i fix this, i cant stand the thought of having him out of my life and having the boys go through this again. I would have never moved back in if i knew this was going to happen. Why cant men tell there wifes or lovers how they actually feel. or did he do this to get back at me. make me feel like i made him feel 5 years ago. He still worries what people are going to say when they find out we got back together. To me thats wrong. is there anyone out there can help me. before its to late for this relationship to work or before its too late for me wanting to end my life, without him in my life.. etherway i will die soon. from heartache or from starvation. please help me.. before its too late... cant stop crying... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Why wont anyone respond to me, i am hurting so bad and confused and dont want to live anymore, i thought coming to this site was going to help, but no one is helping me..

Have you considered getting counseling? It sounds like you both have some issues you need to deal with and a counselor can help you sort them out if you are both willing. In my situation I was willing, but WH was not. I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like an antidepressant might help you as well. Have you talked with you physician about that? A chemically unbalanced body can cause you feel very overwhelmed and out of control.

I would have taken my WS back in second if he'd have shown any remorse and acted as if he wanted to work it out.

Hey welcome to MB, babedol!

Sometimes you have to be a little more patient before help comes, but don't give up! Have you read the articles on this site? Not the forum, but Dr Harley's articles. There's one on how to rebuild trust in your spouse and mend the marriage. Also, you need to understand what went so terribly wrong in your marriage before you can 'fix' it. Take the EN questionaire with your hubby and rediscover what both of you missed in the relationship.

There's no straight answers to fixing your problems, dearie. Each situation is different. You would have to learn more about your hubby, yourself and what works for both of you. Take it step-by-step. It may be a long journey. Your husband is struggling too. We'll give you good support.

Something simple everyday-- you can ask, what can I do today to make things better for him? Remember, it takes a lot of patience, understanding and tolerance. That's what a good marriage has.

I wish you all the best in this journey.
You are a brave woman.

* I don't know whether to use the word 'ex' or 'hubby'. I choose hubby, because you said you felt as though you never divorced him.

** Also, it's easier for us to read when you put your writing in paragraphs.

babedol - I think the first thing you need to fix is yourself. Sounds like you're in terrible shape. Go see a doctor to get your depression diagnosed and treated.

Once you've gotten that taken care of, you can focus on getting the relationship back on track. The main thing is to get yourself back on track because if you don't that affects how you handle the re-building. Would you want a drunk, high and out-of-control construction worker working on your house?

Make yourself THE highest priority. Once you do, you'll find that however the re-building goes, you'll be able to cope with it and have peace. Trust in God, he performs miracles.

Good luck!!