I haven't been here for a long time, but have felt the need to return to this safe and sympathetic environment.

This weekend has been very "revealing" to say the least. I have suspected that my husband was again seeing someone and finally got some confirmation about it. As luck would have it he has been text messaging and emailing pix to and from OW and I found them on the computer. (Lucky for me I'm a former computer teacher.) Haven't confronted him yet. I want to get all my ducks in a row first. Found plenty of emails that are quite interesting to read. Even found one where OW admits to having an STD!

I have appointment with a lawyer this week to see what my options are. Found a receipt that my husband has already seen a lawyer, unknown to me of course.

To throw a monkey wrench into the whole situation WS resigned his job of 24 years 3 weeks ago...not sure if that's the whole truth or not. He was warned 2 years ago about "improper relationships" with co-workers and threatened with being fired so am wondering if this is what actually happened. So he has no job and is seeing someone else. Not sure how far it's gone, but from the tone of the emails they are both soooooo in love. (Makes me want to barf!)

We have two children (DD-13; DS-8) and have been married 20 years. Affairs have been off and on since year 2 of marriage, but I didn't know anything until 2 years. Talk about blissfully ignorant. This is his third affair that I know of, but the first I've been able to discover on my own. I feel somewhat empowered at the moment that I've found all this "evidence" on my own, but when I think of what's ahead I feel very overwhelmed.

Don't have any advise - Just letting you know I understand your pain and aggrevation w/the situation WH has put you and your family into..

I've been in a simliar situation (serial cheat) though luckily no children involved. It's hard to accept that someone we care(d) so deeply for could betray us many times over...

Hugs and Healing Vibes Coming Your Way...

Thanks, ITHURTS,

It's nice to have a sympathetic ear listening.

I only wish that I found hard evidence. All I have is speculation but I think that's all for the better. If I knew for sure, I'm not sure how I'd deal with it. You're a very strong person.

Good luck!!

I'm sorry. Good for you getting your ducks in a row. I never found any hard evidence with my cheater, but my gut and the odd behaviors tell me otherwise. I, too, was blissfully ignorant for a while, but no longer.

Good luck to you.

Thanks for the encouragement. I got lucky (answers to prayer maybe) on finding stuff. I happened on some pictures he'd downloaded from OW and then I found his email password and was able to print out a bunch of emails they'd written back and forth. I am not sure if they are just in the beginning stages or if there has been PA. I'm sure the lawyer will advise as to what to do. Am not looking forward to it, but am somwhat relieved to have confirmation. Does that make sense?

It's always nice to know you are not paranoid, overly jealous, suspicious, crazy, etc.

It sounds like your H is a serial cheater, especially since he's been warned at work. My dad was one too. My mother didn't find out about any until after she'd been married 22 years. Once she threw him out of hte house, people started sharing stories with her about whta my dad had been up to.

Try to keep the children out of it as much as possible. They don't need to know the gory details, although obviously you will have to tell them an age appropriate amount of truth.

I'm glad you're talking to your lawyer first. Very smart.

Good luck.

I am so sorry to hear you are in this situation, but it really does sound like you are calm and collected and that you have your ducks in a row.

And yes, I do think it helps to actually find the evidence, as painful as that may be. As more and more came to light (because my XH started spilling his guts--and then expecting me to understand his reasons?!), it helped me know I really wasn't going crazy and imagining things.

LL

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I also went through this...serial cheater. It is not a fun way to live especially after putting your heart and soul into the marriage.

Do get with your lawyer. Start getting your finances in order. Get your name off of credit cards, take extra money out of your account and put it somewhere. Get important papers, life insurance policies, bank accounts, IRAs, titles of cars, trucks, etc. Make copies of all the emails you find. Get a folder and hole punch and start getting documentation of everything.

Be strong and know that it is not you, even when they try to "explain" (blame) you for their actions.

It is not an easy thing to do--especially if you still love your husband....but get moving for you and your kids. Try to be there for your kids--and get ready for the emotional rollarcoaster ride of your life. I am so sorry this is happening to another family. Be strong.

Take Care Pat

Sure to appreciate all the support from everyone. Thanks for the good advice about the practical things I should be doing as well. Tomorrow morning I see the lawyer. I was feeling very good about it yesterday but today was a rather down day. Called a close friend who was so supportive and encouraging on the phone with me...cried with me. Can't put a price on friends like that. She offered to go with me tomorrow to the lawyer. How great is that? I really need the moral support. It certainly is an emotional roller coaster, but I'm not as shocked as I was.

Thanks, everyone.