Well.... divorce proceedings not started but I've moved out of the house (which is on the market) and am starting fresh for '05. Trying to limit contact with my cheating husband who is still seeing the OW.

I'm doing OK but still freaked out by the whole situation. It still seems so surreal to me -- so much has changed in 3 months. Any pointers out there for how to get through day by day? I'm trying to take it a day at a time -- am adjusting to living alone, etc... But was wondering if there are any words of advice from those who've "been there"...

I haven't "been there", but I'm going there. Seeing a lawyer this week to see what my optins are. WS has had at least 3 A and is currently involved, but I don't think he knows that I know. Unfortunately he is also out of work, so that complicates things. We also have two children. It is going to kill them. I hope he moves out soon, though. I'm tired of all this.

Just wanted to give you some encouragement.

I'm just starting this as well. STBX moved out the week before Christmas.

I take it day by day. I've re-connected to friends I've lost touch with and am keeping myself busy. I'm making plans for at least one weekend night for every weekend. If nothing pans out, I visit my parents, brother, other family.

Good luck. It isn't easy, but it gets better. I'm still waiting for the day that I wake up and feel "normal."

I too am going thru this. I want my stress headache and the constant sick to my stomach feeling to go away. I still have the feeling of wanting to "try " to save the M, but in my heart I know that I will be better away from H. I think that when H moves out and I can start living my life without worrying about what he is doing, who he is seeing, and if I will be hurt yet again by all of it I will be better and I will learn to live life for me and my DD.

I think the waiting period to move on is the hardest. I just want it done in a snap so I finally am out of limbo.

I find reading and posting here helps me feel that I am not alone and I can survive.
Take car

hello, I'm new on the boards, but have read everything Dr. Harvey has written it seems. My WH had an affair last year that lasted about 9 months. He moved out 10/30 - he only admitted to the affair 11/28. He says he wants his "family", but realizes he has some serious issues to deal with. He hates to talk about anything because it makes him feel bad and I get upset. He is seeing a psychiatrist Thurs. and thinks this will help him think "more clearly", but I think his clear thoughts will prove that he's most happy where he is - moved out and on his own. He admits that he likes his own space. I don't want a divorce, but am I a fool for clinging to such an infintessimal strand of hope? I can barely stand going through each day. I wish he'd either work on the marriage or say it's over - why keep me hanging on? I'd love some outside advice and opinion.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by stillprocessing:
<strong> Well.... divorce proceedings not started but I've moved out of the house (which is on the market) and am starting fresh for '05. Trying to limit contact with my cheating husband who is still seeing the OW.

I'm doing OK but still freaked out by the whole situation. It still seems so surreal to me -- so much has changed in 3 months. Any pointers out there for how to get through day by day? I'm trying to take it a day at a time -- am adjusting to living alone, etc... But was wondering if there are any words of advice from those who've "been there"... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I moved out two weeks ago, so I guess I've been there. Something I learned from lots of traveling over the years (before all this came up) is that the person who is in a new setting has it easier in some ways. In a new setting you have new things to catch your attention, and don't have the familiar things that remind you of your spouse. You don't expect the spouse to show up in that setting. But the person who stays behind has all the memories to deal with, plus the spouse's absence is more noticeable because he/she normally WOULD show up in that setting.

I am focusing on the good things about living alone, and on home improvements. Home improvements represent an investment in my new life, and give me a creative outlets as well. Plus allow me to make long term plans for things I want to do someday - in other words, in some small way I'm replacing the dead "dream" of the great M with a new "dream" of my great new house - however small it is. (But first I had to realize I had an expectation of having a great M - and that it wasn't real.)

Try finding things you didn't have time for when married, but used to enjoy. Maybe that's reading a book, or renting a movie, or... whatever you have the time and freedom to resume doing.

Good luck!

Dear Still and others,
I am a returner to MB from over 2 years ago. Thought I had repaired but alas it was not to be.

I too am moving out of our home (sold in 1 week thank god!) into my new home (all my own!) the first of Feb. The limbo thing is a killer. You want to keep trying that one last thing that will be the magic that turns everything around again! My H has turned into a very cold callous individual, his way of dealing I guess!

I am finally realizing that it will be the best for me to be in my fresh new place with my kids. No memories around every corner.

I am reading a great book by Susan Anderson called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing". It is helping me very much and actually gives exercises after each stage to work on. Maybe it might one of you our with the moving on part of this new journey.

Take care and know that we will survive and grow from these lessons.
Happiness and sucess is the best revenge!

My husband moved out the day before Christmas'eve and now has rented an apartment nearby. I actually feel much better when I don't see him, because he has refused to absorb my anger as a result of his 2 year affair. He just doesn't want to talk about the affair, and he thinks it was just a mistake and let's sweep it under the rug and move on. I cannot move on until all my questions are answered and my feelings are dealt with. I have started seeing someone that I really like (no physical contact yet, just talking and connecting). I have been thinking a lot about this new man, and this helps me forget about my husband even though I still stay in the house and everything reminds me of my ex. So for me, having a someone new in my life have helped me move on without my husband.

My husband moved out about 3 weeks ago...he has been seeing OW for about 2 years now. In some ways I felt a little relief knowing that I didn't have to worry about when he was coming home at night, etc. but it hurts knowing he won't "ever" come home at night. I try to keep myself as busy as possible by working, hanging out with some friends I haven't seen in awhile and doing things for myself again. I realized I had been neglecting "me" and deserved more.

It is hard to deal with that horrible sick feeling inside all the time but I just know it has to get better (doesn't it??) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I wish you much peace and happiness. Just focus on getting through each day...one day at a time. That is an accomplishment in and of itself somedays...I know.

God bless..

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one that battles that constant sick feeling.

It helps to hear I'm not alone out there in the world of "starting over"... I am feeling much better in my own space without the reminders of WH all over the place. I'm starting to focus more on me and the things I'd like to do and am now realizing how much I'd given up when I was with him -- and just the little things -- like renting the movies I wanted to see, having a clean house that is actually furnished -- each day things get better as I get back into a routine (I'm such a creature of habit that change totally freaks me out).

I do still miss him which drives me crazy. He's still very much involved with OW and I try to keep my contact with him to a minimum (we're in the process of selling our house though so I have to talk to him (try to stick to e-mail) And I still catch myself thinking that maybe, just maybe, we will get back together -- what is wrong with me!??! After all he's done??? I'm just hoping he misses me a little bit - he really just seems to be handling this all just fine -- another thing that drives me nuts. Guess I just can't dwell on that type of stuff.

Thank you all for your words. It really helps to know others are starting a new life. I'm so glad '04 is over and I'm looking forward to a happy '05!!