How do you agree on custody before a divorce? Especially if there's major tension between husband and wife, with a baby? I actually turned my husband in for hurting me physically, I wish it hadn't come to this but it was awful, he was so angry at me saying I would leave him and he started pushing me around and slapping me - again, this has happened over 10 times in a four year marriage. Now I have an 8 month old baby, after separating from him once, I moved back and got preg without meaning to. I love my little ? boy. My husband threatened to sue for custody, part of why I didn't want to leave him. I was afraid, he's rich and powerful, used to getting his way. So when he threatened me I yelled and cussed at him, resulting in this last fight. I have been gone out of state for the HOlidays ever since but now I have to drive back and find an apartment. I'm not sure if I should move nearby him for the baby's sake or five hours away where we used to live prior to a move 7 months ago. I don't know anyone in our new city, I think I m ight want the comfort of the old town I lived in. How do I make agreements with my husband while I try to get the courage and money together for a divorce. I don't want to get into restraining orders and such, I just need to stay; away from fighting with him. We bring out the worst in each other. I have pushed him some and yelled at him too. He pushes and pushes my buttons, maybe I do the same to him. It's so sad for children that adults can't get their acts together but I guess as many shrinks as I've gone to, this might be one of the marriages that can't be fixed. I just need to know what to do, here soon too as I have major decisions to make in the next TWO days. Help...

Get the book Mom's House/Dad's house, they have some great ideas for custody plans. Many other books have great suggestions too. Also find "How to help your children cope with divorce the Sandcastle's way" This book has age appropriate visitation (parenting time) recommendations.

If you are a SAHM and have a baby, the courts will likely grant you more time now. The new standard is 50/50 custody, which can only be accomplished if the parties live close to each other - and can compromise.

The child support you get will depend on how much time you have with your child - which could also determine your living arrangements. If you try to move out of the area, the X could as for a decision Pendente Lite (pending litigation) to prevent you from moving too far away. States differ on this.

And in many cases, minor domestic abuse on either part is not considered greatly as the courts seem to recognize that emotions run high around divorces, so dont' count on this as a way to keep your X out of your child's life. Get some of these reference materials and start from there.

Divorce sucks, and if the parent's can't agree on the easy parts, it only gets worse. Get a really good counselor for yourself.

I figure he'll get off on his domestic violence case, an attorney told me if he hires a good one since it's his first he'll get off likely. He already pleaded not guilty. So of course I'm regretting having called 911. True that this increases at time of divorce but it's gone on and on in my marriage and I waited until the end to do this. I had a feeling the courts wouldn't take it seriously as there's a lot of games played I'm finding out. How can they prove it anyways, it's "he said, she said" and likely I wont' even go to his trial - he's before a jury trial they said and I don't even have a right to say n ot to charge him in this state. Seems like a wierd deal, likely I'd just back out if I could, and call the DA perhaps to try to get him off. We are going to have to work together for the child, he's only 8 months old. I'll go to the library and will find that book. It looks like a divorce is inevitable unless by the grace of God something amazing happens. My husband is in denial, I called him, he wanted to know when I was coming back and just did small talk, which is likely for the best anyways. I know a lot of this is my fault, even the physical part as there's been times that I pushed him or pushed back. I have a bad temper, perhaps worse then his. He has never hurt me unless I"ve yelled and screamed and mostly it's been pushing and some slaps. Seems insane that it had to end in such a rediculous way, as we were going to counseling and really it was getting better. I just wasn't patient enough for the change to take place, perhaps he has made small gradual changes through the past few years. Actually I think he hasw - there's a book on how to deal with button pushers my mom gave me for Christmas and it's true, you don't deal with them by yelling and losing it. I married a difficult man, and I guess I'm not easy myself. Just seems like such a shame.

I don't know how to work out custody if we just separate for awhile. Is there such a thing as a legal separation to figure out about the children? Maybe that's what we need to begin with. I'm debating moving 5 hours away but staying in the state but I'll read the book first and will talk to attnorneys again about it. For the baby's sake he needs time with his dad, plus for once I'll actually get baby breaks as my husband didn't give me very many - I could drop him off at the house, go ride my horse or go to a movie while he's with the baby. And if I go out of town on business, I can leave him with his dad for a few days at a tiime perhaps.

How does it work if he gets a job in another state? One of our contentions was that he was going off on an iinterview without my permission, in another state. It just steamed me as I just moved for him 7 months ago, right after a baby. He makes more then me and I guess that means my career isn't as important although I just expanded my business and very well might make more then him in the next few years. We've gone round and round about this. I know that I hear of kids going to their fathers in another state when they are older but what about when they are this age? I've heard of men moving to be closer to ex wives too. I am niave about all of this, I love my little boy but never dreamed my life would be such a nightmare.

How does it affect a child of this young age? He's young enough he won't remember, but I know he needs some stability and he and his mom staying at various hotels won't provide that. I just can't decide to move to an apartment in the same town as my husband or go 1-2 hours away, or even back to where we came from 5 hours away but in the same state. I wonder if it's 5 hours and in the same state if he can try to get me back. I remember a guy I dated had to see his little boy, about 2 at the time, meeting his ex half way every other weekend as she moved about 5 hours away from him during the divorce.

Is it true that men usually find someone else right away? I don't know what he'll do, he hates being alone. Once I found cell records that he'd called some gal just for friendship and I almost believe it while I traveled a lot our first year of marriage. But in the back of my head I've always wondered. There was some porn sites on the internet, one was married women you could pay for escorts in the local area. He had written down a town and a name, it was a city he hadn't been to in years, in a drawer from before I married him. Of course I've wondered if he's ever done "that." I subscribed to that service out of curiousity, today I got an email that there were two local girls in our area that could meet at their homes or a hotel and what dates. REALLY.

I don't know what to believe. I can forgive but as for trust, I doubt it could happen again even with intervention of God and good counseling. An innocent little boy is caught in the middle of this. It's sad. He deserves a family, stability, instead the first few years of his life will be filled with turmoil. I'll try to stay as stressed free as I can, but how can one when going through a divorce plus a dying father? Lately I've been sleeping with him for comfort, we are buddies, he's the happiest kid around everyone says. But I still worry about the impact. Is it true that 1/2 of kids in school come from divorced families? I don't remember much divorce when I was a kid in a small town or in our church.

Awwwwww.... I'm a whiner these days.