There is such a wealth of informtion and people on these boards and I am asking for help with this situation:

Several years ago after WH had left our home, our 13 y.o daughter ( at the time) dated a total scum ..... you know what I mean. He eventually went to prison for 3 years for credit card theft but he also had a lewd and michevious charge too.

Throughout his stay in prison, he wrote to my daughter. She never responded. He wrote as he was about to get out of prison - he gave her his number & said to call if she wanted. He wrote that if she didn't contact him, that he wouldn't contact her again.

Tonight I found out that he has been calling her on her cell phone. She has told him not to call, has had friend's boyfriends tell him not to call... He called last night & she told him that she would contact the police if he ever called her again.

My head is spinning. What can be done? What do we need to be aware of? Any help is appreciated

d.

Hi WGTT,

It's been awhile since I've seen any of your posts.

I'm sorry to hear what your daughter is going through.

A few questions...

Does your daughter have any record of the phone calls? If so... she needs to be able to show a Police Officer the amount of documented calls (Caller ID or cell phone incoming calls), and if it's three or more... they will pursue this individual... if in fact your daughter contends it is harrasment

State laws differ of course, but if someone calls within three times, in a very short period of time, and you file a complaint of harrasement with the Police, they will most likely follow it up, and pursue the charges.

Did I read your post right?

This guy was in Prison?

I would keep very close watch on your daughter and her activites. I would also make sure that when she is outside the home... that she is with people that she can trust and possibly help defend her... if this clown decides he wants to do something stupid.

This is bad news WGTT, you need to get the Police involved with this ASAP. I'm sure they will cooperate with you... especially if they know this guy was in Prison.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Scary! I totally agree with the other response. Get with the police if he doesn't stop immediately. I might call and talk to them even if he DOES stop, just to know what your rights are and what help might be available should you need it.

And if he's calling her on her cell phone, does it list the incoming call #'s or does it just say "incoming call"? I know our bill isn't all that detailed. Need to find a way to figure out where he's calling from (or does she have a number) and where he lives. Does your daughter know any of his friends, or people who associate with him?

If you could compile some of that info, if anyting questionable ever did happen, you would have some kid of lead to give the police to work with.

LL

WGTT
Sorry we have to reconnect through this yucky situation. Wallace is exactly right. Get the police involved ASAP. Also, some cell phones can block numbers. Can this work on your daughter's phone? It can also prove that he is harrassing her (through the billing or call records). Your daughter may need to file a restraining order. Is she prepared for that?

Sometimes on the phone, guys who hear "no" can also think they hear "yes, call more" or even get off on the fact they control the phone. Tell your daughter to not mess around with this! She could also call the police and file a report that his parole officer could know about, which would help her too. But the main thing is to be ON THE RECORD as not wanting to interact with him. Now.

WillGetThruThis,

I would have your daughter go make a police report right away. Start documenting his calls. If he calls her cell, tell her not to answer the phone that way he may leave a message and you would have that to play for the officer. In MI the law is 3 unwanted contacts, via phone, email, letter or in person it is stalking (misdemeanor), and it becomes aggravated stalking (felony) with further. What state do you live in?

Hi-

Thanks for your replies....

My daughter corrected me - she was 15 when she dated this sleeze. She doesn't want to go to the police right now because they will notify him. (She has to be the one who files a complaint...) I have a feeling that she is Hoping he won't ever call again, and that if she gets the police involved now, it may piss him off & he do something stupid.

Yes, he was in prison for 3 years. My daugter really rebelled when her Dad was first doing all his "stuff" and she picked the saddest scum to "help". He was from from an alcoholic family, that makes our family look like Leave it to Beaver.

Gotta run for now, daughter wants to go to the gym...

D.

Hi Widget,
I know it can be a hassle but why doesnt she get her cell number changed. And how did this scum who just got out of prison get her number anyway?

I dont think this is anything to mess with by "hoping" he wont call again.

Please take care.
Smiles,
Dawn

This was posted in recovery & am blown away by the informaiton, especially the last suggestion to read the article(s) by Dr Joe Carver. ......


........having been a stalking victim myself I know how truly frightening it can be. The best defense initially is to educate yourself and your daughter. Here are some pages with helpful links to get you started:

http://www.stalkingbehavior.com/

http://www.aware.org/booksnsites.shtml#Stalking.Sites

http://www.antistalking.com/resource.htm

http://www.soshelp.org/

The more the both of you know, the more able you will be to support her and help her make wise decisions to assure her safety. Oh, I just thought of something else that may prove helpful :

http://www.drjoecarver.com/

Pay careful attention to the detachment portion in the article entitled, "Identifying Losers in Relationships". Preparation is very important in case he makes actual physical or voice contact with her. Keep us posted okay? Best, KB


Sunrise - she's had the same cell phone # for years. Plus I think he know friend of friends... great.

I feel like I'm taking a crash course in this subject. I am very gratefull for all of you.... the information and concern are fantastic. My daughter kind of laughed at me when I said I needed to post on MB to get informtion. This place has saved my sanity so many times.

Thanks,

D

PS Hi Wallace & Avondale - I lurk on occasion to see what's up with everyone. Lately, I find myself on three boards. Not sure exactly why... but then again it doesn't really matter!

Everyone else - thank you!