Here's a link to our false recovery:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=016458

Went to court today to file Relief From Abuse permanent order (RO). I had a lawyer, he didn't, so he was granted a continuance (delay) of 2 weeks to find one. So, temporary RO stays in effect (NC with me children, property etc. 300 feet or through a third party).

Anyone else dealing with abuse stuff that I can tap into? I need help with this!

My lawyer offered to talk to him off the record about getting a lawyer. WH gave her quite the sob story, crying and everything, said the RO was done to hurt him. He does not have a clue about taking responsibility for assaulting his wife and child (or anything for that matter). WHATEVER!

Here's the kicker...my very best friend drove him to court. The friend that harrassed him a lot during the A, the one I am not allowed to talk to, the one who he has always hated, his best friend's wife...Wow, what a blow to me today! She actually tried to approach me and I told her to please get away from me and how could she protect him when I finally cried out for help for the abuse. She said something like he needs help, and she understands how I feel. I am so hurt by this. Another dear friend posted his bail. These are what I thought were REAL friends, how on earth could this happen??

He got them sucked into the fog, too, I guess. That's all I can think of. That fog should be like put on the weapons of mass destruction list or something. It's sure destroyed my life!

I asked her when WH was going to Maine (to reunite with OW like he had decided last week), and she said he has no plans to go there.

Well, I filed for the D today and he was served by my lawyer right there in Family Court.

I feel like utter cr@ap.

I know I should be rejoicing about getting away from him. He has been addicted to p&t for years, has verbally and physically abused me for years, and now this frigging A. He has traumatized our entire family, all the while blaming me for it all.

This is not going to be easy.

Words of wisdom, you wonderful MB people???

{{{{WAID}}}}

I'm so sorry things are going so rotten for you. I'm at work--scanned your link to your other post--but don't have time to write much right now.

Just know you WILL be okay!

LL

You will be better off without him. Just keep that in mind. You don't need the abuse. Hang in there. By the way, I like the term "Fogman". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LL
So good to hear from you. I know I've been on all the various boards, but all of them have their time and place. I just know that MB is an absolute haven and Godsend to me.

((((MB))))

bmbo
Yeah, he hates that term, thinks that the "fog" is not real, only his feelings are. It's quite comical, really. An abusive relationship has such a hold on you I cannot believe I fell for it all. I think that the loss of love I have experienced over these past 11 months has really opened my eyes to it. I suspect an unusual level of love develops for your abuser that somehow overpowers your own common sense. This will be something that I will be reflecting on heavily over the next years, I'm sure.

I'll be bumping as more of the D/D board reads up on my stuff, if they have the time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Waid. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I read your history of the false recovery and noticed that you didn't mention the abuse til close to the end of the posts. I have been in an emotionally/verbally abusive marriage for years (we are now separated). I just started IC this week for my anxiety, since I am still having trouble coping.

What are you doing to cope with all of this emotionally? Have you ever acknowledged the abuse before or is this something you are just beginning to accept? I know it made me feel pretty awful to realize what I had put up with in my life.

I NEVER told anyone about it at all, even if they asked. I would say that we always bickered or something but that we were attached at the hip.

I am totally raw to the whole thing right now. I am definitely having trouble that I put up with this for 20 years. See, he never actually "hit" me, just pushed me down, threw stuff at me, yelled at me to shut up stuff like that. I guess the good times in between were enough to keep my love bank going.

I have a feeling that it is almost like the power your abuser has over you builds slowly so that before you know it you're in deep. The A and loss of love I've experienced had finally cleared my head to it all. It's always been in the back of my mind, and it's always pissed me off. I am NOT a weak woman, I am a strong Taurus. It has nothing to do with that.

I will be reflecting often on this, since I believe many MB'ers are dealing with this issue, and I see threads on it from time to time.

If you know of any books to read, I would be so grateful. This stinks!

It's so much right now, between the RO, admitting to years of abuse, the A which he keeps twisting and turning, the kids, having to move, being completely broke...YIKES!

Plan B ROCKS! I like it even better with a RO.

(((WAID))),

Goodness,I am so sorry about all that you went through recently.I was really hoping that your WH finally got it together but......

What a mess.I am just glad you are ok and posting here.Maybe you would consider moving back to VT,near old friends? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just kidding.

All I can offer is my prayers and well wishes for you now and,I'll try to send you some of my strength too.I am at a point where I am very secure in the decisions I have made including a D.There is just no hope whatsoever in my WH ever becoming what I need him to be now as a husband,lover,friend and father.When you realize this completely and that a hundred "attempted recoveries" still won't change your mind,you are there.You have given your WH more than enough of your time and energy and waiting.You and your children will be better off,for who knows what the future holds? It has to be brighter and safer than what you are experiencing now.

HUGS~

O

((hugs)) to you. You will get through this!

Feeling numb today.

If he doesn't go back to Maine to be with OW, I am going to kick his a$$. He has screwed with my heart so much these last 10 months, I truly have nothing left inside. He has sucked it all away. All of a sudden he doesn't want to go to her? What a crock! This is his way of doing things...won't really make a decision of his OWN, lets circumstances take over his life, then complains about it afterwards. The A is the ultimate perfect situation for him since I clung to him for so long. OUCH! Just really venting here.

I think he is just playing his "poor Fogman" game with our friends for as long as he can so that they will take care of him right now in Vermont. He is VERY good at weaseling his way into and out of things.

This empty feeling is horrible.

I'm still in Vermont, but will start planning to move back to PA with the kids. I'm debating whether to sell house first, then move, or just split soon. I don't think he will be staying in our town (no job here), so the house will be empty. Maybe I'll rent it out?

I will be staying with my parents for awhile in PA, so if I'm working I may be able to manage house and insurance payment, plus minimal utilities. I totally am not counting on $$ from WH.

I keep dreaming about the Fogman...

I wake up thinking of him. Bad enough he's on my mind all day long! In the dreams, he is trying to come back and I feel that unexplainable "pull" he has on my heart. I am touching him and falling into his trap when I wake up.

I received an insurance approval notice for an in-patient psych admission for him. I have no idea if he actually went in or not (Restraining Order).

I truly hope he can become a healthy person. Otherwise, IMO, he cannot be trusted around me and the kids. Funny how he refused treatment and was going to Maine just a mere week ago, and now all of a sudden he is going in? I can't help but think he is playing this for all of it's worth. He twists it so that people can't possibly think he is a "criminal" (physical abuse), but a "patient" who needs help (depression, drugs and withdrawal).

How would this affect child visitation for him? I'm already going to ask for supervised visitation right off the bat due to the drugs and abuse.