I gave my WH an opportunity to be honest about something I already knew to be true. He chose to lie again. We have both seen lawyers but he didn't know about that until recently. I "happened" on that information about him on my own. WH said he was surprised that I was even considering D and did that mean I thought it was over. I told I wasn't sure, but that I didn't think he was honest with me about everything. I said this thinking if he really wanted to give it one last chance he'd come clean about OW he's been text messaging and most likely meeting with. He spent all day being very congenial and even affectionate which I found very odd and confusing. Is he running scared? Is he playing me?

What was your WH reason for consulting with a lawyer?

How did he find out you went?

He was suprised that you would be considering a D - Why? Does he think you will tolerate his cheating forever? Does he think you will stay married for the kids? Does he think since he's been "playing around/having meaningless A's" that this is just a game? That since they don't mean much to him they shouldn't bother you either?

Is he playing you? Is he running scared?
Only he knows what he's up to...

He may be playing you - buying some time - he may not be ready to D but when will he be ready to be MARRIED???

Running scared - I think they when caught have a few days of that - then the OP calls and they are back in the A again.

I'm sorry that I'm so blunt here - but your WH has had multiple A's like mine, we need to view their actions differently than the standard MB poster - MB principles may not apply to us..

Just depends on what your WH decides to do...Ad my WH's friends told him - Your either IN or YOUR OUT - make up your mind and quite torturing her...Lotta good that did...He stopped playing the game - now we just lead separate lives..I guess he didn't understand what they meant by Your Out - they meant file for D and let her move on..They knew I couldn't file becoz I still had love in my heart..and they hated to see the pain I was in...

I would say he is because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. My WW/STBXW is the same way. I know some things she doesn't know I know and I ask her about them and she lies. I told her that if she wanted to be married to me she would come clean and be honest about her R with OM. She likes to downplay what is going on with him.

I would say walk cautiously. He is most likely wants to continue his fence-sitting, cake-eating ways a while longer, but you just started to rip the cake out of his hands.

Hey ITHURTS,

WH said he ONLY consulted a lawyer to find out if it would be considered abandonment if he moved out of the house. He said he also told his lawyer he'd been unfaithful. (Isn't it interesting how WS all say that instead of adultry or affair?) He found out by overhearing a phone conversation. (I should have been more careful.) Of course he said he would hope we would do this in a civil manner. He's really worried about having no money when this is over. Yet he keeps sending pix to her through his phone.

I think he would prefer a separation. Then of course he isn't obligated to pay me anything. And of course since I'm not working that would be a real hardship. He is also out of work...great timing, right?

Don't apologize for being blunt. I need to hear straight talk right now and you are right where I am. I agree that the standard MB principles don't necessarily apply in this situation.


BetterMan: Thanks for you comments as well. I appreciate a male's perspective. I am proceeding cautiously. I would have confronted him, but am waiting for proof because I want to be sure I get custody. If I knew he would admit his As and agree to let me be the custodial parent then I might go ahead and file.

Thanks for the encouragement. I need it!