A few months ago, my 8 year old wrote a letter to my next door neighbor. She had it stashed behind the couch. I found it. It went something like this,<BR>“Dear Miss Mary,<P>I have been spying on you. I love you & want to have sex with you. Please don’t call the cops because I am in love with you”, and a few more lines like that.<P>I talked to Miss Mary & told her if she gets anything like that to let me know. She knows what is going on with the wife and understands clearly.<P>Two nights ago I was sitting out back. My 8 year old came out flicking a lighter (I’ve been missing about 6-7 in the last few weeks). She stashed it in a pile of grass. After she left, I looked & found 2 lighters there along with some burnt paper. I asked her if she knew where my lighters were, but she lied. I talked to my neighbor who just retired from the Fire Dep’t. and he told me to send her to a class they are giving. Hopefully it will scare her enough to not do this anymore.<P>Also, I took her to the Dr. for a physical to go to childcare. The Dr. told me, “she is developing.” She was so happy! She told me not to tell anyone. As soon as we got home, she ran up to her sister & her friend and said, “the Dr. said I’m getting boobies.” Also, when we talked to my Mom , she had to get on the phone & tell her! I Love Her to death! She is just my little angel!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited September 05, 1999).]

Chris -- I know how difficult this must be for you, with everything else you have going on. . .<P>I have just one question for you though. Have you considered getting your girls into counseling? I realize that I am nowhere close to being an expert on this, but it sounds to me like their mother leaving is hitting the girls harder than you might have realized.<P>I hope I don't sound like I am being mean, I really do care.<P>God Bless my friend.

ES,<P>It’s not a hard hit by any means. I’m not the perfect father and any advice is greatly appreciated. I did take them to a child psychologist few months ago and he said they were okay. I may take the back & let them know what has transpired since then.

Chris -- It's just my opinion, I know, but I think you should take them back to see the counselor again.<P>Give them a hug for me.<P>God Bless

Hi Chris, I don't have muchof a chance to come to the computer untill I start working, but I try to do it once in a while at least.<BR>I agree with empty shell, maybe it's a good idea to take them to counselling again.<BR>They going trough a lot as well, and sometimes it takes time until you can see any of the consequences from that.<BR>I'm sorry your life keeps getting more complicated. Unfortunately it follows the rule, when we think nothing worse can come there's always something else that does.<BR>Your girls are doing great under the circumstances, and so are you. But it's a very stressfull situation.<BR>A big hug<BR>Kat

Chris,<BR> I agree with empty shell and Kat, you are a wonderful father. But do take them back, and tell the counselor what has been happening with them for the past few months.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CHRIS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{GIRLS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Chris<BR>Do you have a Kids Help Phone Line there?<BR>When My oldest was 10 he was having a really hard time with some things. I showed him the number for the Kid's Help Phone. He called and it was great. The councelor on the other end was super. My son said everything he wanted to because it was anonymous. It was a way for him to vent without being identified.<BR>He was more comfortable doing that than anything.<BR>

Hi, Chris,<P>I think WS's idea is a good one, if such a thing is available - as well as keeping in touch with the counselor who saw your girls, & relaying the new information. <P>It occurred to me that the girls might be reluctant to discuss difficult things with *you*, simply because they know you have a lot on your plate yourself & don't want to "burden" you further with their problems... they're trying to help you! Kids try to be little troopers, they're so sweet. But obviously this is a lot for young kids to handle solo, and I think an ongoing outlet for them would be really good.<P>A second thought too - for what it's worth, when I was around 9 I had a *major* crush on one of my mom's friends (but never sexually) - just thought she was the most wonderful person & loved to be around her, followed her around like a puppy for like a year - from what I've read, I don't think this is unusual for a girl that age. It seems to me that maybe your youngest (& maybe both) are starving for a female to talk to - "growing up" is exciting news for her, but scary as well...maybe this is the source of her crush on Miss Mary.<P>Anywho, I agree that the lighters & fire-setting tendencies are a call for help, Chris - I'd follow up with their counselor; and maybe see if you can figure out some woman who can be available to them for "girl stuff" on a regular basis?<P>Good luck, Chris - you're a great dad, and you're doing a wonderful job of keeping things together. Let us know how things are going with you & the girls, ok? - Suse

Everybody pretty much said it all. I love WS's Kids Help Line idea. I was thinking when I read all the posts about children lately, how it's too bad they don't have boards like this to come to and get out there feelings. It would be great and of course, would have to be monitored by a counselor who specializes in this kind of thing. Imagine the counselor could answer the questions that they can't bring themselves to ask their folks.<P>Anyway, you're going to do fine with them, Chris. The only other thing I could think of besides what's been said is how about the guidance counselor at school or a favorite female teacher. Something like that to add to the support group around them. Would help to know if changes are noticed at school with them.<P>Hang in there and keep us updated.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<BR>

When my loser X BIL left, my SIL's counselor had the kids write prayers when they were hurting. They kept these in journal form and they let me read some of them. I cried. They looked so fine on the surface, but their true feelings were raw. The prayers helped them channel the negative into comfort and hope. <P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Chris,<BR>I agree with the others, take the kids to the counselors and maybe have them go for a while.<BR>My son(8yo) has gone twice. He's biggest concern is where is going to live and is he going to have a step dad.<BR>My w has taken our daughter(12) twice and is to go today.<BR>I'm starting to be concerned as my daughter has slept with me twice in the past week. Both times because she was scared of something(she saw a scary movie on Sat and went to my mothers big old house which could be scary to kids and slept with me there, and last nite she said she had a dream about being involved in a robbery).<BR>It just kinda gives me the creeps, plus she snores !