Why does WxW insist on talking to me like she’s my best friend? Yesterday b4 she took our boys up north ‘to see snow’ and meet OM’s two boys, she told me that she’s praying’ for [my] highest good and [my] greatest desires”. She says she’s proud of me taking a stand against my contentious employers.

All this after I caught her crying while we watched our son perform in a play Friday. Is it guilt? Fog? Manipulation? How can she say that she supports me when her actions were the driving force behind my current challenges?

It could be that she is finally seeing the man she knew deep down she married--but never showed his face during the course of the marriage--

The changes you've made are probably things she seen in you all along--but because of your own beliefs that you were the perfect husband--you didn't see how you could be better--

That’s an interesting take, to say the least. I’m so hurt that I’m having a difficult time believing that her behavior is genuine. I still love her, so I know I’m vulnerable. Her behavior of late reminds me of how she used to talk to me many years ago, when she had a BF and I was the friend she admired from afar. I didn’t think anything would come of it then. I’m afraid to hope about what could come of it now.

<small>[ January 15, 2005, 01:27 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

Well, that with the fact she's probably really starting to see OM for who he is--she's remembering WHY she married you to begin with--

All of those qualities that were buried and hidden through-out your marriage she's seeing again in a new light--

So, what does that mean? She’ll assuage her guilt and entertain her buried feelings by being nice to me? She’s still engaged to OM, still has his kids and ours meeting (right now) and I’m still here, alone wondering what this all means. TR, I’m probably just more depressed than usual today, but I having trouble seeing any good from her possible ‘revelations’. What do I do with all of this? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am living the exact same thing. D should be final soon and H is acting like my best friend. He asked why we get along better when we are seperated. I told him it is because he treats me better, but part of it is because I don't have the stresses(where is he going, who is he seeing, him going out.

I really like him when we are seperated. I love him all the time, but hate the verbal abuse and constant worrying. I think that he sees me for what I am not the nagging wife that I become when I am scared of his actions. H's A is supposedly over, but I have lived with the fear of it and a new one since. When he is not here, I don't have it.

I'm sure that your wife sees what she had and is walking away from, but she is not sure what to do. It is very hard on us BS's because we want the M to work, but have been burned so many times. I never know the reason for my H's kindness, but I know that I can't read too much into it because it will hurt my recovery of moving on.

Take care - Be kind back, but try not to get sucked in. Sorry but I seem to be very cautious these days

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by coolduck:
<strong> I am living the exact same thing. D should be final soon and H is acting like my best friend. He asked why we get along better when we are seperated. I told him it is because he treats me better, but part of it is because I don't have the stresses(where is he going, who is he seeing, him going out.

I really like him when we are seperated. I love him all the time, but hate the verbal abuse and constant worrying. I think that he sees me for what I am not the nagging wife that I become when I am scared of his actions. H's A is supposedly over, but I have lived with the fear of it and a new one since. When he is not here, I don't have it.

I'm sure that your wife sees what she had and is walking away from, but she is not sure what to do. It is very hard on us BS's because we want the M to work, but have been burned so many times. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Interesting take. she's so proud that I doubt she'd ever admit those feelings...

Again, you're giving power and worrying about a huge "what if". That is what it is. You could "what if" yourself into everything if you wanted to.

When I read your posts, I see you worry far too much about what the xw is doing. In fact, I'd almost drop the wxw logo b/c she's now just an xw. Legally they can be wayward now.

She's easing her conscience. That is it. It doesn't mean anything. Or it could mean something. But your spending .01 percent of your time bothering what she thinks of is fruitless time as it's impossible to read another's mind...and almost doubly impossible to read the minds of cheaters and liars ok?

I am sorry, but you should be worrying about what you're doing today, your work, your kids, what are you going to cook for dinner rather than worrying what she is doing. When my xh last year said he'd "always love me and he can't stop doing that" sure it hurt. He said it to me face to face and had tears in his eyes. But he was wearing a wedding ring and had just fathered another baby. But I have learned to "turn it off". You have to.

It's not about her anymore...not about what she thinks, does, or anything unless it affects your children and her time with the kids. But if what she thinks, does, or anything else is affecting you, time to turn it off. You have to let go ok?

I say this with nothing but love and kindness. Now if she's trying something legally or some financial move, then I'd try to second guess her. But unless it's about that or custody, I'd leave her alone to deal with the mess that is her life now. That is the lot of one who leaves their families willingly.