Hello....and Please Help!!!!! My husband and I are now separated after 8 mos of trying to figure out what the Heck happened. We lost our home...and I believe he was involoved with a much younger woman, with 2 small children of her own. My WH is 48, I am 47...the OW is 25, and a co-worker of his. I have moved into another house, since ours was foreclosed upon...and have not had much contact with him at all. I did go ahead and file for divorce in July of last year. The problems about the finances and the issues of another woman, began to surface 10 months before I filed. I asked him to go to counseling with me....he never did. I asked him to try and tell me what was going on...He always said that he wasn't doing anything wrong. I did find out that he was calling this woman, excessively on his cell phone. Excessive, because he would call her 120 plus times per month. I saw my number on the bill twice! Now I hear from his son....who is now 20...that his dad and this OW are going to Florida tomorrow on vacation, and taking his 17 yr old daughter with them. We are still married.
He has never gone back to his attorney since the initial visit last July. I had hoped it was because he wanted to make sure that is what the only option was.....but now I guess that is not the case. EVen tho I knew in my heart he was seeing her...it hurts so much again to know that he is going ahead with this relationship of his....and including my step daughter that I am still close to. I guess now that I should not have filed...but I felt that after 10 months, and no real display of emotion on his part....that I should. Plus....the financial stresses were incredible. Too numerous to talk about here and now. Should I press for the divorce at this point.....or continue to sit back and bide my time? My attorney felt this may be the best thing to do for now.
Any advice is greatly appreciated
thtech

I'm not sure I have good advice.

My questions: Do you want a DV or did you just see no other option? If you don't want a DV, then I wouldn't push it, because once it's done, it's done. Granted, you could always remarry if he comes around, but it's easier to stay married (I say this as someone who had a HARD time deciding whether to DV my own WH or not--need to really think it through.)

If DV would help separate you financially from something that could financially devastate you that he could do, then that should probably be taken into consideration as well. This was partially my case. I probably filed a bit earlier than I might have otherwise because my XH is an alcoholic and had made some financial threats, and I was worried that he could get a DWI or in a bad accident while drinking or something and I could lose everything.

On the other hand, if you still want to try and save your marriage, I'd recomment getting ahold of "Surviving An Affair" if you haven't already read it. Read up on Plan A/Plan B and see what you need to be doing.

Also, have you posted on the GQII forum? It's very active--lots of good advice and support to be had over there. I still post there on occasion and I'm DV.

LL