I've had enough, and it's selfish... My SO and I have been married for 3 years next week. After fighting for the last 6 months, and over the past three years. I'm throwing in the towel...

I'm ashamed of myself for the way I treated my wife... I've hit her 4 times, yet she remained. I accepted christ and have accepted responisibilty for my actions. I've been working very hard the last month or so to be someone to depend on... This woman is stronger than I, for after 3 weeks of serving her, and taking verbal bashings for the better part of it... I can't go on... She's military, (after we were married, she joined.) It's changed her, and it's changed me...

She's bulimic, an lately an alcoholic, we started counseling but it seems to be making things worse... She says she told the counseler about the bulimia and the hitting, then tells me she never wants to see the counselor again...

I'm not a happy person, I really wanted to make it work,. It just feels like a one way street and after last night's fight I don't think we are getting back together.

SkrewedUp

I do not want to beat you up for your actions; but need to ask if you've asked SO to forgive you and done the proper "actions" to show that you are sorry.

A month of good behavior for what you've done is not reasonable in my opinion and I believe that SO would agree. It sounds like you're impatience may be a contributing factor.

The bulimia and drinking are obvious signs of a problem or problems and proper counseling is badly needed. However, choosing a proper counselor for your needs can be trying. As in all professions; there are good & bad counselors. My suggestion: Ask SO to join you in a conference call to Steve Harley or one of the staff at MB. It will cost you $185 and will be the best money you've spent. Be frank with him and ask SO to do so as well. You've dug yourself a pretty deep hole and all of us here will pray for you two.

FYI: I am just a man who's been through tough times as well. I get nothing in referring the Harley's phone conferences but have counseled with Steve. So have many on here and all agree that he is very good. Good Luck and let us know how it goes.

FR

I've asked, begged, pleaded, done nothing, began counseling.

My impatience is a major factor, and I'm treating it with counseling. However, it needs to be a two way street. Seems the only thing we've agreed on is the money split, and the D. She's no desire to try anymore as do I. Last night we both broke, and unless god intervene's we've lost...

I guess I need to retain a lawyer or perhaps the military will help.

Have you talked with your Pastor/preacher, etc. about your situation. Seek out a church-leader who will spend time with you. You should also call SH and talk. Cannot stress enough to you that you're not thinking clearly right now. (None of us do during this tragic time!!!) SH will have invaluable advice. Wish I could help more! Right now; it's important that you seek "healthy" insight (help) as soon as possible, particularly if you're normally impatient. Patience is needed right now more than ever. Call Steve.

FR

I will second the opinion! Call Dr. Harley ASAP!! RUN! Don't walk to the phone. Get the process started. Your relationship is in dire straits as you know...

High Flight

It's too late she says... To make matters worse, we just got stationed here a few months ago... I don't have anyone to turn to but god. I'm trying to seek comfort but I just feel so alone...

I feel like we destroyed everything we could have had last night. Actually, the divorce may end up being the best thing to happen to me. It was a wakeup call, that I really need help. I need to learn to communicate...

I haven't slept in almost 36 hours and the only one I can get a hold of for a place to stay isn't home...

What happened last night?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's too late she says... To make matters worse, we just got stationed here a few months ago... I don't have anyone to turn to but god. I'm trying to seek comfort but I just feel so alone... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Look SU: It is important that you clear your head for a moment and take proper action. First: Do not put any more worries into your M or your W for the time being. Place your focus on helping yourself through God. He sent you here for a reason - so please listen to him! Allow us to help with your decision-making! You're in an emotional nightmare and it's hard to see past it. Feeling alone is normal and natural in your situation. I'm not trying to make light of it - we've all been there. But right now; you must focus your energies to helping yourself.

Here is the link to the phone counseling service. USE IT! http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html

There will be a waiting list and you'll have to schedule a date/time. Tell the receptionist that this is an emergency situation and hopefully, she can help in that regard.

Until then; it's important to get some rest and while awake to keep your mind occupied. I can tell you what worked for me. During the hurricanes down here; power was out for extended periods. That was during my worst days after discovery-day. I read the Bible by candlelight for hours on end. Start in Proverbs. Read each verse slowly and absorb the messages. When you're finished, read it again. Before you know it, hours will have passed and you will see things more clearly. Turn off all other stimulus. (TV, Radio, etc.) Immerse yourself in learning. When your appointment time comes; be straightforward and honest about everything. You will be given a plan to help - both you and your M. But you have to become proactive - with the right goals in mind. This is important stuff, disciplined stuff! It will help! Take it minutes at a time. Write back after you've made the appointment and let us know when it's scheduled for. There will be many who support you.

Lastly - from now on - post on the General Questions section. That is where most of the "old-timers" lurk. They are sharp as a tack and will help you through this.

Call MB now!

FR