Hi, I don't really know what to say, just coming over from the GQII and In Recovery Board. I'm proud of how I handled things and how well I did the MB stuff - especially this past 6 months, but in retrospect, I REALLY REALLY wish that I had cut all ties to my H 1.5 years ago when this all started. I am much worse off in a variety of ways for trying to salvage the M. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Are there any good threads on healing from the pain and dealing with a difficult WS during the divorce process?

Thanks

HI Cute,
I am sorry. Please hang in there. (from the other thread...) OK, found two new books:

The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James & Russell Friedman. These guys have been working with Grief and Bereavement for 20+ years, and also give seminars. They mention divorce, specifically.

Paperback, about 170 pages. I found it in my used book store. I've read a few chapters; I like it so far. He speaks of fallacies that make recovery harder, such as the concept of 'getting over it', and the concept of 'stages', that just arent relevent to most grievers. (how can we be angry or in denial that grandma died? we cant, it doesnt apply. There are NO stages of grief... do not allow anyone to create any time frames or stages for you!)

The book says 'Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever'.

Also found 'Coping with Trauma: a guide to self-understanding by Jon Allen. This looks more like a text book, almost 400 pages. I havent started this one yet.

MB Grief thread...

I am sorry - Dru

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:28 PM: Message edited by: Drucilla ]</small>

Drucilla,

Thank you for checking up on me - I really appreciate it, especially because I know you are currently dealing with your own grief regarding your friend's health. I hope things will get better for your friend.

I ordered the book you mentioned and the other one (How to Stubbornly Refuse...). Thanks for the references.

I'm proceeding with the D and I know it's the best thing for me, I just wish I could get back the last 6 years I wasted on my H and especially the last 1.5 years. I am so old now that I doubt I will have a chance to find a good person and start a family, and maybe that is for the best. My H used to be so proud of his morals/ethics and he changed completely - or maybe he was just putting on an act. (I think I am in a state of denial about how terrible he was to me and all the things he did.) Anyway, I hope these books help me move forward.

I'll try to keep up with your posts on In Recovery - I wish you & your H continued happiness.

c

Welcome to the Other Side, CuteIShot. Sorry your H didn't turn around. I don't know about good threads. The Kingdom is fun if you like pretend. I don't know the Tough Love thread, but it must be good, it's so long.

A lot of people here have dealt with and are dealing with difficult STBX or Xs. And there's lots of experience.

Hey, I think I need that book -- "How to Stubbornly Refuse". Who's the author?

And Cutie, if you're too old at 31, I'm sunk at 37. Heck, I'm almost 38! Of course, I already have as many children (2) as I'm going to bear/bare. Plus, I'm not sure I could stomach marriage again, way too risky. On the other hand, I FEEL young. I feel I'm an ideal age. Now that I think of it, I've spent the last ten years thinking I was the ideal age. Don't ask for what. For anything.

Don't worry. You'll find someone great. Just don't rush into it.

Hi Greengables - thank you for the welcome. I guess by old I meant tired and doubtful that I will find someone that I want to marry and have children with before I'm too old. I figure I need some time just to heal, and then when I decide to open myself up to dating again, it could take a loooong time before I find anyone I like. I'm ok with taking a long time - I figure that even if I don't meet anyone until I'm 50, we could still have 20-30 great years together. The sad part would be that I won't have children of my own if it takes that long to find the right person. Also, I was so, so sure that my H was the right person, and it ended up being the most horrible experience of my life and he did things I would have never even imagined possible. I don't know your story, but despite how my H was/is I sometimes wish that we had children before all this happened. Anyway, maybe I will have a family and a happy home one day, and maybe not.

OH - I almost forgot - the book is called How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable about Anything, Yes Anything, and it's written by Albert Ellis. I just ordered in on Amazon.

Did you do anything in particular to help you get through the divorce process? I don't even want to look at the paperwork, I just want it all to go away. Ok - enough of my pity party. Seriously though, any advice is appreciated.

Take care