I posted on the EN board. But perhaps others hear can weigh in also...My husband has been impotent for about six and a half years. We were not able to consummate our marriage on our wedding night. We both chalked it up to fatigue outwardly but I knew then that something was wrong.

It didn’t bother me as much for the first six months of our marriage. I didn’t say much about it, realizing my husband must be as embarrassed, frustrated and angry as I was. Since then, I’ve tried every method I can think of to inspire my husband to do something about the problem - some good some bad: talking about it, not talking about it, being understanding, getting angry, giving ultimatums, spending time away, proposing divorce, staying together but living separate lives. As our seventh anniversary nears, I become even less able to handle the situation.

Nothing really worked for a long time. I tried initiating sexual encounters with him. But he’d turn me away. My husband eventually consulted several doctors. But they couldn’t find physical reasons for the problem. We finally decided the problem must be emotional. The sexual rift between has lead to an even greater emotional separation - I don’t feel as strongly about my husband as I used to. In fact, I don’t love him at all. It certainly hasn’t helped me to see my husband doing so little to address the matter for a long time.

We’re both born-again Christians, but I’ve been contemplating divorce for a long time. I just can’t see being married forever given the situation. I’ve seen a few therapists. My husband doesn’t believe in therapy. They seemed to suggest that I should just deal with it. One therapist even said, “Well, you don’t need to have to sex.”

I ask my husband do do something, anything. But his main reaction is to think about it, say he's doing something or thinking of a possible solution, never get back to me about it and then eventually ignore it.

Divorce seems like the only way. But I'm afraid he can't take care of himself and frankly, I'm afraid to be alone after all this time also.

I asked him to leave last week; I gave him a month to find place. I said I was going to get my own place. But when he protested, I told him maybe he should get his own apartment instead.

Am I wrong for wanting out? How could I possibly live like this for the long term? What do I do?

He seems so hurt. But he doesn't try to initiate sex. What's up with that? Why wouldn't he at least try?

Wow. I understand that SF is important in a marriage. But honestly to divorce over impotance? I wouldn't do it.

He probably isn't initiating sex because he doesn't wan't to feel like he let you down once again. And I can't imagine it does much for his self esteem as a man, so he probably avoids it as a defense mechanism.

Of course he seems hurt ! You're kicking him out it sounds like over impotence.

There are many ways for a woman to have SF other than penetration. GET CREATIVE !

You say you don't love your husband - so I'm sure those are the vibes that he's picking up on from you, - and yet you want him to initiate sex?

I say go back to him and make things right. So what if he doesn't want to go to therapy. Therapy is no guarantee of a solution to your problem anyhow.

Like I said there are many other ways for a woman to orgasm. Apologize for your part in the relationship's problems and work on getting creative.

Just my opinion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh, and just an FYI - I had a family member that was impotent.

He and she were together for 40 + years !

(He had unfortunately passed from cancer a few years ago.)

TessW.

You don't think a no-sex marraige is divorce-worthy? Really?! What about having kids (your own)? And bonding with your spouse? Could you be celibate forever?

I get that he doesn't want to feel let down again, but feeling like a failure after trying and not succeeding is better than not trying at all - and still feeling like a failure.

There are many ways for a woman to have SF other than penetration. GET CREATIVE !

Sure, true for some people. But I'm not sure about for me. Everyone is different. Impotence is nothing to poo-poo. Besides, I have tried and he pushes me away. I've tried to initiate. Your relatives who were married for 40 years were/are special people. Not everyone can do that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooInvolved:
<strong> TessW.

You don't think a no-sex marraige is divorce-worthy? Really?! What about having kids (your own)? And bonding with your spouse? Could you be celibate forever?

I get that he doesn't want to feel let down again, but feeling like a failure after trying and not succeeding is better than not trying at all - and still feeling like a failure.

There are many ways for a woman to have SF other than penetration. GET CREATIVE !

Sure, true for some people. But I'm not sure about for me. Everyone is different. Impotence is nothing to poo-poo. Besides, I have tried and he pushes me away. I've tried to initiate. Your relatives who were married for 40 years were/are special people. Not everyone can do that. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would never tell someone to replace my advice for walking out their own life. I'm not at all saying impotence is something to poo-poo. I know that intimacy is important. I'm just saying there are other ways to do it.
(Please don't take this the wrong way - it's not in a mean tone at all - but from the tone of your reply I see you're hurting and angry and I have to ask)

When you post a question in a thread do you want someone's honest opinion or do you want someone to tell you what you want to hear?

No, I don't think impotence is a reason to divorce. I could tell you a little of my situation as far as sex but don't feel comfortable in an open forum. Feel free to email me if you'd like & I'd be happy to reply.

I want to convey again "sex" is more than just the average way of going through the mechanics.

Maybe some of his problem is emotionally based - and when you say you don't love him but try to initiate sex I can imagine that the initiation isn't going to go very far.

If he feels you don't love him (which you've admitted to) why then would he want to work at trying to have sex and then possibly letting you down yet again and yet again feeling like less of a man??

I hear you too involved. I do. I don't want to have it look like I'm discounting your feelings. I'm really not.

I only mentioned my relatives because I wanted to let you know that it's possible and there's hope for a relationship even if there's impotence involved.
And just because there difficulty never cleared up in that area - THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOURS WON'T <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I'm just saying IMO don't throw in the towel on your marriage over this.

Would I? No, I wouldn't. Like I said, I'd be glad to share with you but not in an open forum. Feel free to email me & I'll tell ya the gist.

I hope today is a good day for you. And again, please don't take my post the wrong way, but I don't think it helps anyone to just sugarcoat things and not be honest. Maybe someone else here agrees with you and can give you the feeling that your decision to get rid of your husband is the right thing.

But it's not me.....

Hello Too.

I would not remain in a marriage where there is no sex AND no attempt to fix the impotence problem. Let me get this straight, you two have been married for almost 7 years and you have NEVER had sex? If this is true, in some religious traditions, your marriage has never been consummated. There are a plethora of ED fixes out there, get him to a Dr. and give a few of them a try.

There are very few men who do not enjoy sex, there are many men that don't enjoy sex with women . . . I wonder what is really going on with him?

If you wish to be a mother, and you wish your husband to be the father, something is going to have to give. Yes, you could spend thousands of dollars and go through artificial insemination, but that seems a bit extreme, especially because the Dr. have said there are no physical problems to explain this impotence.

When you post a question in a thread do you want someone's honest opinion or do you want someone to tell you what you want to hear?

Both. In this case, I really wanted someone to tell me it's OK to leave.

If he feels you don't love him (which you've admitted to) why then would he want to work at trying to have sex and then possibly letting you down yet again and yet again feeling like less of a man??

Because the alternative is to divorce or at least separate, which he says he doesn't want and "strongly urges" me to reconsider.

Thanks for trying to be sensitive. I'm not taking your comments as mean or anything. I'll email you.

Uh, TessW., what's your email address?

Hi, Comfortably Numb -

We had sex (sort of) a few times during the first year. I think we achieved penetration. I honestly can't really remember. Either way, it was a loooong time ago.

I, too, wonder what is really going on with him. He saye he was affected by a minor crush I had on someone else during our dating years. He can't get over it. He needs to.

Some people cheat, sleep around, do whatever. I haven't physically been with anyone else in maybe 10 years...and he can't deal?!

He's tried Viagra. Didn't work. And Cialis. Same deal. He may've tried Levitra. But you have to be physical (foreplay, etc.) for them to really be effective. They aren't magic pills.

You're right something's gotta give. It's just time for me to move on. I'm very tired. And I'm sure I want things to work anymore. I know feelings CAN come back. But I don't want them to.

I'm also a bit stuck on whether divorce is right or wrong. But I'm still young. I'd hate to look back when I'm 50 with no kids and a shell of marriage and hate the man I married.

I'm sorry TooInv. I thought there was a way to see my email addy. on here by clicking on my name or something to that effect.

Please feel free to email anytime. I look forward to "talking" with you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tess_Wood@hotmail.com

TooInvolved, I experienced something similar in my M, but it developed over time. First my H stopped initiating sex with me, then he began rejecting my initiations, then he became impotent. What was odd was that he didn't seem that concerned about it - kind of like you're describing with your H. He wouldn't really talk about it and wouldn't seek help. I finally talked him into going to a doctor and he came home with a bottle of antibiotics for a prostate infection, but never took them. I got way too caught up in blaming myself and feeling undesirable to look at the situation objectively.

Then I got diagnosed with breast cancer and went through treatment for about a year and then intensive reconstructive surgery. We had no sex - not even holding, touching, kissing - for two years with the impotency excuse. When I finally got up the nerve to seduce him in the hot tub one night, he performed fine but then came totally unglued the next day, and for the next four months, screaming accusations and abuse at me, finally moving in with MOW. I was caught completely by surprise.

Apparently, like your H, he also felt jealous of an old boyfriend of mine - he secretly read my old journals from the time I was with old bf and was jealous of what I wrote about old bf. The part he never admitted to, but others told me about, was that he was constantly having A's during our 18 years together. As my stepson put it, "Why do you care now when you never cared in the past?" Silly me, I never KNEW in the past.

Anyway, I'd guess SOMETHING is going on with your H. Not necessarily an A since he wants you to stay with you, but something. SF is usually way too important, esp. to men, for them to just go without it when there are, as Comfortably Numb, said, numerous treatments for male impotence.

As for a reason for DV, if he won't come clean about what's really going on with him - even if it's just old jealousy - and won't do anything about it, then there's a HUGE hole in your relationship. It's not just sex, it's trust, initimacy, affection, having a family together, it's being husband and wife vs. roommates. If he'd had an accident or physical disability and you were able to have intimacy, affection, openness and honesty in other ways that would be different.

LetSTry-

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. And I'm very sorry that you had to endure such an emotional ordeal while also dealing with cancer. How long have you been a survivor?

Thanks for understanding. It's funny how similar your situation sounds to mine. Well, funny isn't the right word. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, not trying hard enough, being unreasonable or asking too much.

But I'm just done. Know what I mean? Stick a fork in me. Guys ask me out all the time. And I usually say, "I don't think my husband would like that." I've had enough of denying myself and being denied. I want regular experiences for someone my age. I didn't date much as a teen. So now that I've come into my own, so to speak, and the opportunities are there, I want to live! But I don't want to cheat.

Other posters have said the same thing: SOMETHING is up with my H. (Or rather something ISN'T up. Ha!) So I wonder what it is that I'm not seeing. An A? A porn addiction? Sexual abuse in the past? Repressed homesexuality? Ugh.

Do you think your H was jealous over your old BF because he was projecting his tendencies to have A onto you, and assuming you were doing the same thing he was? You mentioned a stepson...Do you know if your H cheated on his previous wife? That's usually a good indicator he'll do it again.

If he'll cheat with them, he'll cheat on them, I always say. But I digress.

Too

LetSTry-

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. And I'm very sorry that you had to endure such an emotional ordeal while also dealing with cancer. How long have you been a survivor?

Thanks for understanding. It's funny how similar your situation sounds to mine. Well, funny isn't the right word. Sometimes I think I'm crazy, not trying hard enough, being unreasonable or asking too much.

But I'm just done. Know what I mean? Stick a fork in me. Guys ask me out all the time. And I usually say, "I don't think my husband would like that." I've had enough of denying myself and being denied. I want regular experiences for someone my age. I didn't date much as a teen. So now that I've come into my own, so to speak, and the opportunities are there, I want to live! But I don't want to cheat.

Other posters have said the same thing: SOMETHING is up with my H. (Or rather something ISN'T up. Ha!) So I wonder what it is that I'm not seeing. An A? A porn addiction? Sexual abuse in the past? Repressed homesexuality? Ugh.

Do you think your H was jealous over your old BF because he was projecting his tendencies to have A onto you, and assuming you were doing the same thing he was? You mentioned a stepson...Do you know if your H cheated on his previous wife? That's usually a good indicator he'll do it again.

If he'll cheat with them, he'll cheat on them, I always say. But I digress.

Too

I would ask him to 1)see a MC/MB counselor and 2)set up a doc appt, to see what they can do about his ED. You gotta find out if it's in his head or is physical ok?

And I could understand going without for a while...but this long? No sir.

I have been complaining b/c it's been 2 years since the last deed. But I have made out with the xbf and kissed a few since...so I am not completely lacking. But as a former Cosmo reader, I know I will get to the end of this celibate rope rather soon...I hope not, but I feel it a coming on.

If you want a fulfilled relationship and kids, that has to happen. He has to meet those 2 needs. And if he does not, then you must decide.

Not to pry, but before marriage, did you two get around to the deed? If so, did the ED occur after marriage? Not to bash alternative lifestyles, but my x coworker was married and found out he was gay during his marriage. Said he could not sleep w/his wife any more. They divorced 2 years after.

I just think something's wierd here.

Hi, justpeachy-

Everybody is saying the same thing..."SOMETHING is up." So I feel like the idiot for not knowing what it could be.

I've seen maybe five counselors in as many years. My H has been with me to three of them, one of which was a sex therapist. As I go over it, he's also been to about three doctors. I shouldn't say he hasn't done anything. I just don't seem to se him doing anything now.

The docs eliminated his high blood pressure/ cholestoral. Hubby is overweight and smokes. But the docs don't seem to think anything physical is the problem. Depression is understandably an issue. Hubby pointed out that he thinks he could have sex with someone else just not me.

Although we're Christian, we did have sex a few times before marriage. Oops! So things were working as recently as a year and a half or so before our wedding. Don't know what happened in between.

Something IS weird here. Now I have to figure out what.

Too

Okay too involved I was feeling for you as I read but you lost me as I read a bit more.
Maybe I am ignorant but what good is V-I-A-G-R-A if you don't use it for impotence. I thought this was Mr Impotent's wonder drug? I know of normal guys taking it , forgive me, keeping them "up" longer. However, I thought this was a drug to treat impotence.
Never the less, you can be fulfilled sexually without ever actually having sex. You can have a great love life without gadgets and toys. Using them as a couple to improve your marriage is fine as far as I am concerned. If he isn't up to it then maybe he needs a little push. He is obviously going to be fustrated every time you try, and he can't quiet "measure up". So don't try so hard, not give up. He feels inadaquate with his "wife" living a seperate life. He is consumed with the thought of another man having to fulfill the desires of the woman he vowed to FAITHFULLY love til death. Put yourself there, in his place. For instance on your wedding day after the vowes were made, the two of you blissfully head to the airport to anixously begin your honeymoon. BOOM!!! You are broadsided by a 19 yr old talking on a cell phone instead of paying attention. Your husband exscapes with minor injury. Unfortunately, you weren't given the oppertunity to walk away. Paralyzed from the hips down, he must adjust and learn to love you in expressions you need. True you could still have sex, but it disgust you to have him thrashing away at your dead limp bottom half and you refuse to have sex period. Whats the point right? Well soon he feels the need, the urges. After years of fighting them off, he decides he loves you but wants to live seperate lives. So while you sit in your chair looking out the window, tell me. Please tell me what are you thinking while you are waiting for the man you love to come home to you after he is finished enjoying an evening at his mistriss' home. If you can honestly give me one good thought in that situation, then you have done no wrong.

Ohhh but wait! There is more. Now that your husband FINALLY got a taste of life. Living the life of other men his age, he decides he is done with your limp love life and wants a divorce. He can't go on cheating, because he just doesn't feel right, or the lifestyle doesn't suit his selfish ways any longer. He wants to live!!!! You have one month to leave. Where is your heart? Right where you have chosen to leave his, in the floor. Not only smashed,stamped on, grounded in the filth that lay in the carpet; spit on and thrown aside as if it never existed.

Paint it any color you want, you are leaving a man broken and forsaken. He is suppose too be confident in finding someone to love the pathedic pile of grief you left behind? I am surprised the man can look in the mirror. Furthermore, what I find astonishing is that he is trying to hold on, knowing how unloved he is. Even if you haven't told him you JUST DON"T LOVE HIM ANY MORE, he knows. No man, woman, person, animal for that fact, deserve that much hurt. If you want to leave, just leave. Just do it while he still has an ounce of self respect to carry on.

One final thing. If this was a problem on your wedding night, then obviously it was an issue the night before. No man would not go into a marriage without expressing this problem he "believes" he has. No woman would enter in that marriage unless she knew fully what she was getting into. If there was a slim chance his problem remained secret till the night of your wedding, you would have been gone long ago, Infuriated because he lied to you.

Oh c'moan now???? You honestly cannot remember if there was penetration? How much wine did you drink? How many of you reading this forgot the first time you had sex with your groom or bride? Slim to none I am sure. You may not remember every time after that, you may not remember last night.... but the majority who were sober remember their wedding night, or in this case the night of consummation. More reason to remember, if you had to work hard at consummating to begin with.

Men don't just go "limp" it is a gradual process. The urges come, but the ability is slow and time consuming. The fustration turns to anger and the anger fades to a lack of interest. The lack of intrest is caused by the inability to love the way his mate wants, needs, and desires. Finally the thought will rarely cross his mind due to how fustrated, and angry his wife has been.The thought of not being man enough will tear a man down. The insults and other men have taken it's toll and sex, or even the notion of intimacy has utterly been lost. If such a notion was to come, he will tuck it away, afraid of the rejection.

From my understanding as I read TooInvolved didn't date much as a teen, now in her own so to speak, she wants to live.
Translation: Oh God what was I thinking marrying this man who can't satisfy me, and refuses to learn tricks that I have tried to teach him. He doesn't do it right when I am able to get a spark. MMMMMM Mark the guy from accounting, umm umm now thats a man i can get too involved in. Why not, I was good, I waited longer then other girls my age. Whats wrong with it? I know I didn't hold out just for Mr. limppett here. I deserve more then this.

Shorter translation: Im gonna get me some of that as soon as I loose this heel of a husband.

Now I can be way off base here, and may be a little to harsh. In that case I have some (alot) apologizing to do right before I tuck my head between my tail and leave. I have come from a family of women, one myself thank you. I know the games, I know the roles, and I know what is at stake. I have seen my sisters cheat, I have heard the excuses; impotent,abusive, he is gay, he thinks sex is dirty, and one I just don't love him. When you take a vow it is sacred. Take that to heart. If you are truly miserable and you can't love your husband and cannot repair the damage then go. Don't insult or point fingers, simply leave. If he is impotent don't degrade him, and remind him he cant perform his manly duties. He is a man, the leader of your home. By the snide remark in this paragraph you made, you have no respect for the head of your home.


Other posters have said the same thing: SOMETHING is up with my H. (Or rather something ISN'T up. Ha!) So I wonder what it is that I'm not seeing. An A? A porn addiction? Sexual abuse in the past? Repressed homesexuality? Ugh.


What you are not seeing is a person with a heart, a man with feelings,a soul that is filled with sorrow. Why does that matter? He is your husband. The man taken with sacred vows before our Lord. One you promised God you would love for better or WORSE.

Yes, chestnut, you are way off on a few things, which I don't have time to go into now. Sounds like you're identifying a bit too much with my H's side of the story. Your account of the car accident wasn't just hypothetical, I guess? Very sorry to hear it. You're re-interpretation of my wanting to "live" is also way off. When I have more time, I'll clarify for you.

Who cares if somebody else was married to a guy who was impotent for 40 years? It's not relevant to this marriage.

It seems that the husband withheld some very important information before they married. Imagine if the husband had been part of a drug smuggling ring that provided drugs to 15 year olds, and he withheld that information. Would anybody still claim she was bound by the marriage vows given that level of deceit? Of course not?

Some of the people here remind me of a conference on living as a single Christian I went to a few years ago. The lady speaker was asked by a woman in the audience how to avoid temptation when she had had no SF for year after year after year. The speaker replied that when her husband was out of town for 2-3 weeks at a time, she had to simply tough it out. Later, I overheard other women remarking that at least the speaker KNEW her husband would return in a few weeks. They didn't know when their status would change.

I am NOT advocating pre-marital sex, but I do suggest we be realistic in addressing this woman's problem.

Chestnut-

Maybe I am ignorant but what good is V-I-A-G-R-A if you don't use it for impotence.

I'm not sure what that has to do with me...We were using it for impotence.

...you can be fulfilled sexually without ever actually having sex...

I wouldn't know about that. We haven't done anything in quite some time. Maybe you can be fulfilled, but not everyone can.

He feels inadequate with his "wife" living a separate life. He is consumed with the thought of another man having to fulfill the desires of the woman he vowed to FAITHFULLY love til death.

Exactly why was wife in quotes? I'd be offended, but that's too easy. I'll wait til you explain. It sounds like you're suggesting I've been unfaithful. Actually, it sounds more like YOUR spouse has been unfaithful, so you think everyone is also. I’m not your spouse. So please don't project his shortcomings on me.

Your analogy is offensive frankly. You are, again, suggesting I have cheated. For the record, I have had no PAs. And, where is my heart? If I didn't have a heart, I would've left a long time ago. But I stayed - and for many reasons.

Clearly, there are many opinions posted here that run from one extreme to another. But I think most people can understand my position. I remember once seeing a talk show on which a couple was interviewed about their sex life. The wife wanted a divorce - after three months - because hubby couldn't give her any orgasm. Three months! I've toughed it out for much longer than that and I'd be happy just to have sex at all with or without an orgasm.

The one thing I should clarify is that my H has tried, not as much, often, recently or how I would like. But I guess he's done what he could do. There's no place for blame in our marriage. That accomplishes nothing and is unfair.

My hubby's heart is "smashed, stamped on, grounded in the filth that lay in the carpet; spit on and thrown aside as if it never existed. ."

And Paint it any color you want, you are leaving a man broken and forsaken. He is suppose too be confident in finding someone to love the pathetic pile of grief you left behind? I am surprised the man can look in the mirror. Furthermore, what I find astonishing is that he is trying to hold on, knowing how unloved he is. Even if you haven't told him you JUST DON’T LOVE HIM ANY MORE, he knows. No man, woman, person, animal for that fact, deserve that much hurt. If you want to leave, just leave. Just do it while he still has an ounce of self respect to carry on.

What a piece of work you are! Again, I'm offended. How dare you paint me as such a cold person. You don't know anything about me but a few paragraphs! But, then again, you're talking more about yourself than my H.

If there was a slim chance his problem remained secret till the night of your wedding, you would have been gone long ago...

As Christians we don't believe in premarital sex. We made the mistake about two years into our dating relationship. But we repented and didn't try to have sex again for another year and a half on our wedding night. So he wouldn't have had occasion to know if he'd become impotent during that time.

Oh c'moan now???? You honestly cannot remember if there was penetration? How much wine did you drink? How many of you reading this forgot the first time you had sex with your groom or bride? Slim to none I am sure.

I can not remember if there was penetration during our first year of marriage. It was more than six years ago. We did NOT consummate our marriage on our wedding night. That I recall. You assumed my meaning or just weren't paying attention. And to address your wine question although it was a rhetorical and sarcastic one, we had none.

Translation: Oh God what was I thinking marrying this man who can't satisfy me, and refuses to learn tricks that I have tried to teach him. He doesn't do it right when I am able to get a spark. MMMMMM Mark the guy from accounting, umm umm now that’s a man I can get too involved in. Why not, I was good, I waited longer then other girls my age. What’s wrong with it? I know I didn't hold out just for Mr. limppett here. I deserve more then this.

The more I read, the more of a pig you sound like. You are a bitter woman and need help. you must be what people call a "troll." Just because your husband (and sisters) cheat, doesn't mean I will or do. If you can't see that sex is more than just be physically "satisfied," then you are missing something.

Nothing I have posted was "snide," but rather an attempt to deal with a situation that is very painful. I can do that. And you can't tell me what I'm not seeing. And I don't need to reminded of who my H is to me.

Please take your own advice, Chestnut: "Don't insult or point fingers, simply leave."

Hello TooInvolved.

You say you are a "born" again Christian. Why not take this to God and pray. You as a Christian have no grounds for divorce. Sorry to be so blunt.

Hi, Arwin-

Bluntness, as long as it respectful, is welcomed.

As for divorce, there are cases when it isn't a sin. For example: Matthew 5:32 syas, "...but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

So unchastity is a reason. But I'm uncertain if that means infidelity or if a man married a woman thinking she was a virgin and found otherwise.

The apostle Paul seems to indicate that abandonment by an unbeliever is also a reason in 1 Corinthians 7:15: "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace."

The above don't apply to my situation. But I just wanted to clarify.

The marriagebed.com mentions another possible reason for divorce, which is relevant: "There is another covenant breaker which is seldom mentioned, and rather controversial. In 1 Cor. 7 Paul tells us that it is sin to refuse our spouse sexually. In the Old Testament men are specifically commanded to meet their wives' sexual needs (as well as provide her with clothes and food), and in Jewish civil law sexual refusal was a valid reason for divorce and remarriage even if the couple had children. It seems to us that the word Porneia includes sexual refusal, and as such forced abstinence could be a valid reason for divorce according to Jesus. What we are talking about here is not a difference of sex drive which results in one spouse saying "no" on occasion, but to an ongoing rejection of sex which results in little or no sex.
In 1 Cor. 7 Paul makes it clear that many do not have the ability to resist sexual sin without a spouse to meet their sexual needs. In 1 Tim. 5:11 Paul says that widows under the age of 60 should not make a pledge of celibacy because they will become so sexually desirous that they will set aside their commitment. Based on these things, we begin to understand why divorce for forced sexual abstinence would be allowed."

I'm not sure how I feel about this one. Hence, my dilemma.

But thank you for your post. Prayer is ALWAYS a good idea. I have prayed and will continue to.

Too