Hi. I am a wife and mother of 3 small children (8,5 3 1/2). Husband and I have been together for 7 years, married 5 1/2. We have had a very rocky marriage from the start.

I am at the point where I can't live like this anymore. We tried counseling once, and it only made things worse. We rarely spend any alone time together, and if/when we do, husband ALWAYS finds something to give me a hard time about. He works 40 hours a week, and is in an apprenticeship program where he has class 2 nights a week, 9 months a year for 5 years. He is in his 4th year. He is also an avid hunter. So, for 2 months of the year I literally have NO HUSBAND.

The biggest problem is the emotional rollercoaster I am on with him. He goes from periods of treating me really well to periods of treating me really bad and finding fault with everything I do. There is no stability. I do everything in the house, cook, clean, laundry, feed, bathe, clothing of kids, even changing the cat litter. I have no life outside of the house. I have a couple of friends I see once a month, that's about it.

I tried talking with my husband about the way he treats me and he says I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. He says it would be a mistake for me to leave. But, by staying, I feel like I am being an enabler. I am saying it's ok for him to treat me however he feels he wants, when he wants. I told him that he needs to go to counseling to figure out why he does this to me. He said, you are the one who is in counseling. What's the point of that comment? I told him I feel the only way this relationship will ever work is if I leave, make him take some responsibility for the kids (they will be with me), and for the way he acts.

The problem is, I don't want to leave. I just don't know what else to do. I know I can't live like this anymore.

Sorry I have rambled on so, I could really use some advice.

Thanks in advance.

Are you in counseling? If so, what does your counselor say?

Okay, here are some considerations. If you leave, and it takes 2 months to get child support, will you make it? Do you have some place to stay? Can you ask him to leave? Will it be easy for you to find work if necessary?

Other questions. Is your H. physically abusive? Or just emotionally destructive? You need a very different approach in the first scenario.

Do read up on Plan B. I waited until I knew I would end up crazy, a suicide or a murderer before I left. That was too late to really have a positive impact on our marrriage. Better to leave before you run screaming from the house.

Leaving was the best thing I ever did. It was difficult on the girls at first, but so was the fighting. Even if you don't fight out loud, doesn't mean the kids don't know. A 9 year old said to her mother, "You and Daddy don't like each other. You fight all the time without talking."

Maybe this website can help you:

http://www.restoreministries.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi?page=index

other wise have you read about the marriage busters or how to rekindle your marriage on this website?