OK, so maybe my issues go a little beyond just the side of the bed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ......but it's still a valid question, right?

Since STBXH moved out 5 months ago, the one area I still struggle with on a daily basis is going to bed. Now, the funny thing is that even when we were living together, we rarely went to bed at the same time. He usually stayed up much later than I, and so I would retire to bed and be asleep by the time he came in. I used to sleep on the left side - H on the right side.

But these days, sleeping on the bed just doesn't seem quite right. I do have a different bed - my bed from prior to the M. But for whatever reason, I just can't seem to find "my spot" in the bed.

At this point, it seems sort of pointless (and maybe a little 'trigger-like') to sleep only on the left side. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Yet sleeping on (H's) right side just feels wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> So I now find myself trying to sleep in the middle - but then I seem so far away from getting out of bed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Occasionally I will alternate, just to be an equal opportunity sleeper. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Heck, I have even tried the diagonal move! But nothing has really 'stuck' yet..........

OK (guilty look here), I realize this is somewhat of a trivial issue in the entire scheme of the recovery process....but it really does bother me. Any tips on how you found 'your place' in the bed?

As always, muchos gracias, in advance! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Well, it's been a year for me, and since I still don't sleep, I guess I don't even need my bed anymore!!

Actually, I also began to sleep in the middle, and this works well because about once a week I end up with a two-year old on one side and a 4-year old on the other!!

To be honest, I am impressed that you are sleeping. I still have incredible insomnia.

cm

L.I.T, I think what is interesting, is that your situation prior to H moving out is like mine and so many others, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">we rarely went to bed at the same time. He usually stayed up much later than I, and so I would retire to bed and be asleep by the time he came in. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In hindsight, I wish I'd made more of an issue of it then, but he'd always get angry, and I didn't want to be too demanding... oh well, too late now.

I, too, slept on the left side, and continued to after he left. For me, because of the situation you described, I was used to sleeping alone on the left side. I felt kind of lost on a king sized bed though, and now, in my little trailer, I still sleep on the left, but the bed is much smaller. In both beds, I fill up "his" side with books, journal, stuff like that to claim that space as my own.

Country Mama

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> To be honest, I am impressed that you are sleeping. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ay! There's the rub! I'm not really sleeping <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I now have this horrible habit of waking up at least 4-5 times throughout the night. I used to do this on nights when H was out of town or out with his 'buddies' and didn't come home until the 'wee' hours of the morn. I suppose back then it was just a precautionary instinct to make sure he got home safely......now it's just a real annoyance! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I empathize completely!


LetSTry

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> In hindsight, I wish I'd made more of an issue of it then, but he'd always get angry, and I didn't want to be too demanding... oh well, too late now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Every once in a while, I would bring it up, and we would go to bed together for a short period of time... During those times, we were great at cuddling <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . But H had a job where he could go into work at pretty much whatever hour he chose. And I had a job where I had to drive an hour and be at work by 7am.... so I would go to bed around 10:30, but H was never tired until midnight or 1am.

I suppose that's just one area where POJA doesn't always work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> In retrospect, I remember laying in bed with him for at least an hour or so after I would wake up (on weekend mornings) just so we would have some 'cuddle time.' Ah - I do miss that as well. But I keep telling myself that I was OK and able to sleep before I was M....I will be OK again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just have to wait for my emotions to catch up to my head.......once again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I fill up "his" side with books, journal, stuff like that to claim that space as my own.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmm.....I like this idea <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 23, 2005, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: L.I.T ]</small>

L.I.T.,

Try using large body pillows on the side he used to sleep on--or even on both sides of you while you lay in the middle---it may help--giving a sense of 'comfort' on either side--

I slept on the right side of the bed always with my husband, and still do even without him. I can't sleep on the other side. It just isn't "right".

I'm fortunate that I have two large dogs who sleep with me (or unfortunate, because one wakes up nightly at least once to go potty). One snuggles up by my side and the other sleeps near my feet. Between their size and their body heat and their breathing, it's almost like having someone there sometimes. It really has helped me. I think if I were sleeping alone each night, I might still have difficulty sleeping.

LL

Oh! I don't have any problems in this area at all!!

I loooooove having the entire bed to myself.
It is such a luxury.
Left or right, it doesn't matter.
Books on the right, magazines on the left... it depends on what I want to read before I go to sleep. I even have clocks on both side, so I don't have to turn over to the other side if I wake in the middle of the night.

And it's ok to leave a book on the unused side if you fell asleep whilst reading too... it is just too good!!

Now, if H comes back to live, I would have to put up with snoring, looking at a wrapped up lump (he sleeps mummie style) and the sheets get dirtier faster.

Also, I wake up much earlier than that hog, and it's annoying to wait for him to wake, usually at noon... half the day is wasted. Ok ok no name calling...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong> I'm fortunate that I have two large dogs who sleep with me </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still sleep on the same side as before. I also have 2 dogs on the bed with me. One who used to sleep in a crate because he didn't get along with my H's dogs, is now on the bed and is (in his own form of revenge) taking up H's old spot! With the additional dog, things feel different to me now. But, I still wake during the night multiple times too. I may have to go back to taking Tylenol PM again, as I'm exhausted most of the time now.

I also leave things on the "other" side of the bed, like books I'm reading, etc. Since I have a KS bed, there is still room for me, the dogs, the books... and even #3 dog when he's old enough to settle down and behave himself.

I still sleep in "my spot" on the right. I should put sleep in quotes, too. I've started the Tylenol PM again as I need the sleep to function at work. There has got to be a better way to get a good nights sleep.

...i was a "right-side" sleeper... when my STBX left, i slept on the floor in the living room for a while and then graduated to the couch for about six months (she took the bed and BR set with her)... a year later, i had a new bed in my new bedroom of my new place and that helped... i started out on the right but i also have a big dog, and also two felines, who always camp with me for the night... i sleep on the side that they don't...
and as far as retiring for the evening at the same time... it was an issue for years... it almost seemed like she avoided going to bed at the same time at all costs...

be well

samm

I sleep on the left side - though I always slept on my side now that WH is in another bedroom - I sleep flat on my back...The good news to that is you don't wake up with a wrinkled pillow face..

Our dog use to sleep on a pillow above my head..now he sleeps on my WH side..

It's great since I'm usually so tired when I go to bed - I barely move around at nite so I only have to make the one side of the bed...

I use to not sleep when WH was out cattin around too..Over time, you get over that..If I can't fall asleep it's not about him anymore..

I sleep on the left side - though I always slept on my side now that WH is in another bedroom - I sleep flat on my back...The good news to that is you don't wake up with a wrinkled pillow face..

Our dog use to sleep on a pillow above my head..now he sleeps on my WH side..

It's great since I'm usually so tired when I go to bed - I barely move around at nite so I only have to make the one side of the bed...

I use to not sleep when WH was out cattin around too..Over time, you get over that..If I can't fall asleep it's not about him anymore..

I must be the weirdo in the bunch. Sleeping alone was something I was thrilled with. I don't like to cuddle or touch someone in my sleep unless it's really cold. I also have a very hard time going to sleep. And then, sometimes I was pretty uptight about the man sleeping next to me. Uptight as in, "I'd really love to hold this pillow down over your head, but I know it's really evil, so I won't."

I sleep on the side next to the door. Doesn't matter a hill of beans which side so long as it's next to the door. I often end up with a 5 year old in bed. She doesn't take up much room.

I sleep on the warm side, as I have for several years now

I used to sleep on the left side. I liked to hang my feet over the edge. Now I have all the sides. Like Ruffled, I have clocks on both sides: one alarm is set for weekdays, one for weekends. Sometimes I sleep on my stomach and scooch down and hang my feet off the foot of the bed. I have tons of pillows and throw them around, and I sleep wherever I end up! Don't think of it as "my side/his side". It's all yours now, enjoy it!

When x first moved out of the bedroom, I slept on his side of the bed. After he left, I couldn't do it and started staying awake half the night.

Finally my therapist and I decided that it was ok for me to get a clock, blanket, and pillow and watch television most of the night if that would keep me at least lying down. So, I was more likely to sleep because I was pulling way too many all-nighters.

Then I decided that our bed had to go. A bedroom suite we had bought together. So, my sister and her husband showed up one day and we took all my bedroom furniture out and carted it to my mother's house. She had the bedroom suite I got for Christmas the year I was 15. We moved that out of one bedroom and set up the furniture x and I had bought. We took my furniture back to my house and set it up.

I kept sleeping in the den until I was able to return to our bedroom - with my furniture in it.

I now sleep whereever I jolly well choose.

I have yet to sleep in our bed at all. Still sleeping on the couch. Maybe after I get moved into my new place I'll be able to give it a try.