I have been married 8 years with 2 children and a step-child. I work full time outside of the home and my husband has to travel sometimes out of state for his job. Within the last year our marriage is null. He goes in spurts of saying nice things to me after a fight or when he feels guitly about something he said in an arguement. My major problem is it's always about his lack of sex. He even complains when it's only been 24 hrs. later. It's that I never initiate it or don't want it when he does. I love my husband and don't want to leave, but it's getting to me and I'm ready to leave. I told him a third times a charm if he argued about sex again that I'm gone. What should I do? Is he ever going to be happy with a loving, working wife, home, happy children?
Please help? I'm distressed!!!

Well, I'm certainly no expert since I'm dealing with my own issues, but it seems like you guys need to TALK. If you can't come to some sort of an agreement alone then get some counseling!!! I do think that my WH and I didn't carve out enough time for each other early on. Life happened - jobs, kids, school, church, etc. He felt neglected and I was oblivious. If we'd have talked sooner - or rather if HE had expressed himself sooner we might not be on the verge of D.

In regards to sex: most men don't think they get enough. However I think they are happier when the other partner initiates some of the time. I think it helps them to feel desireable, which is a big ego builder.

Just my thoughts...good luck.

First, it's not too late to start communicating. Communicating is a complex topic but I'll try to summarize here.

- Don't do it when you're angry.
- Don't use words like "you", "always", "never". Don't be accusing.
- Put it in your frame of reference, like "I don't like it when you ask for sex so much."
- And come up with an alternative. "...so I'll start the romance when I feel better, at least once per week."

Second, sex is very important to almost all men. It's not just about sex, sex is how men are intimate and feel close to their partner. Though he might not admit it or understand it, it's true.

So having sex at least once per week is more than reasonable. If you're too tired, schedule a day when you're not tired. You might also have to address if you are just doing too much because you think it has to be done, or if you have a medical issue that makes you more tired than the average person. Some people think that x, y, and z must be done every day, when in fact, they don't. Or they might think their kids have to be scheduled for after school activities 5 days a week, or the kids will think their parents don't love them. That's not true either.

Just because YOU think it has to be done does not mean HE does too. Just because YOU think it has to be done does not mean HE has to do it. Do not have unreasonable expectations.

Bottom line is I think you might have waited too long to talk to your husband about this, now perhaps you feel overwhelmed and think a divorce is in order. Don't give up too soon. You don't get a divorce just because you feel overwhelmed.

Ask yourself these questions:
- Are you being reasonable?
- Is he being reasonable?
- Can you both change your schedules to compromise?
- How will you address your fatigue? Are you doing too much?
- Are you encouraging when he does help out around the house and with the kids, or do you criticise him?
- What things are important that he does for you? Take you out for dinner, buy you flowers, take the kids out for a day while you relax around the house? Sex is even more important than that to him.

I'm going to be brutally honest. The days we live in there is to much women's lib going on.
Thats why the world is going to crap.
If you turn around an try to put your husband first and everything else second, he would appreciate you more. So what if the house doesn't get picked up as long as its not a health hazard. Let the kids learn how to deal without you a little bit. Order takeout. What I'am trying to tell you is you think its bad now, you'll be in a world of hurt when he decides to leave you for someone who will listen and put him first. As far as sex is concerned, men have to satisfy themselves or they will be worse to live with. Make love to your husband even if your not in the mood, because you will have him put you in the spotlight more and he will definitely cut out his extra-curricular activities. Treat him like a KING and he will treat you like a QUEEN. But be sure you do this consistently, without nagging or arguing. Make sure you always try and look good and speak with kindness and gentleness and within the first week or two you will see a difference.