HI,I'm new here and may have gone to the wrong place to begin with, but got some good info anyway. I'd like some more info on EA's.
Short history to make things easier. M 7years, 2DD's ages 6&8, H47, Me47, been together 11years, just found MB's last week after big fight with H.
Tired of fighting about everything and felt like divorce was the only answer left when I found MB's. I saw real potential to rebuild my M and get back to loving each other again. Started working on it by myself as H said he wanted to just forget it and end the M. Wouldn't even look at MB's lit. I printed out and told me I was the cause of all our problems. Did some real soul searching and decided that it takes two but I have had some problems getting over some of the things in our past. Anyway, here goes.
I was a widow when I meant my current H. I had 2 early teenagers boy and girl from 16year abussive M. Late H died of heart attack. Been alone about 4 months, when current H began to get friendly, and friendly was OK, just wasn't interested in long term. We started dating and he also included the kids, which was great. None of us had been treated to good by late H and new BF was very attentive. Things porgressed, I asked what I thought were all the right questions, age, history(marriages), family, ect. He told me he had been married but was divorced, had a little girl, hadn't seen her in 4 years because of Mother. Questioned that quite abit and he said he had no idea where they were due to way XW had left him. He said XW had told him they were divorced and he accepted it without recieving final papers. I questioned that after he said she had sent them to his sister and she had lost them. As things progressed we began living together, he wanted to get married,but I wasn't sure that was what I really wanted after the last M. I was satisfied with our arrangement for that time as I was going to school to improve my income, but had told him when I finished I'd marry him if he sitll wanted too. He said he could wait that long as I only had 1 year left. Then the unthinkable happened, I got pregnant. That wasn't suppose to happen because I had had surgrey several years before. I finished up with school as I only had two more months. In the mean time his boss decided to move his family and practice out of state. His boss wanted my H to go too. We weren't yet married at this time and I wasn't sure I should even tell my then BF about my condition, but I did. What happened then almost tore us apart. His first reaction to my telling him was, "What will my XW and D think about this?" Blew me out of the water! WHY, does it matter I asked? Then came the truth, he wasn't sure they were divorced! I was lost in emotional turmoil. I didn't know what to do. All the plans to get married and move had been made. His boss told me not to worry about anything, he and my BF would get things straightened out and all plans would not have to change much. Yeah, RIGHT! Instead of starting the divorce in the state we were living in we moved, His boss got him a lawyer, but there is the waiting period and all. I had problems with the pregnancy, mostly because of the stress and the fact that until all of this we had gotten along just fine. NO fighting or disagreeing. I admit that I was having problems dealing with everything. But, I never did deserve him to start calling me names and accusing me of not being faithful to our relationshiip. I realize now that was his way of justifying what I called his lieing to me. Anyway, things got straightened out and we ended up moveing back to our orginal home state before all this happened. We did get married and had another DD. Problem was we were fighting more and more and again when I was pregnant I was cheating. That's when he decided to come haome telling me how he could get another woman because so many of them at work were willing to have him. (Please be aware that at this time I was on strick no SEX precaustions because of my age and past history.) That really hurt me for him to say those things because I wasn't holding out on him to be mean, I just didn't want to hurt my baby. Anyway after the baby came I had surgrey again to stop having babies. Then I wasn't interested in giving him a SON, was his complaint. BEFORE ANYONE JUMPS IN A SAYS,"WHY DID YOU KEEP PUTTING UP WIT THIS?" I want everyone to know I really LOVE this man and that he is great most of the time or can be.
Now comes the part about what may be an EA. Three years ago my H decided he needed to find his oldest D. I don't know why? Anyway he contacted his XSIL and started talking to her on the phone. He was trying to get XW's phone# or cnatact D threw her. XSIL started sending letters, that weren't the kind of letters you send an XIL or just friend and I lost it. Told him if he wanted to talk to her any more it would only be when I was around. He agreed. She gave him XW phone # right after that. He was working out of town at time and on weekends was home with us. I did all yard work and everything so when he was home we could be together and have time for us too. Instead he would get on the phone with XW and try to get her to let him speak to D. They would spend hours on the phone and he never did get to talk to D. Then XW called me and read me the riot act about how I had messed uup her life and M. She even went so far as to tell me I waas the reason the D wouldn't talk to her Dad. Now I'm still in the dark as to why I'm her problem, as not only my H told me She left him, but also two of my SIL that lived in the same town with them when She left. She had ben gone three years when we meant 11 years ago. Anyway they spent the summer jousting back a forth and he finally got to talk to D and she told him she didn't want him in her life. Then about 8 months ago H popped up with "MY XW WANTED ME BACK", when we were argueing and again the other night when he said he was leaving and he wanted a divorce.
Is this an EA? How can I deal with it? Please give more INFO about EA's. I'm lost.....
