My mind goes from good to bad about marriage... I separated about a month ago and my mind is playing tricks on me. I'll think about the good and the good times (he would cook for me, the trips we went on, his family, what he got for the baby, the times we had fun) then I go to the bad times (the criticisms, the cutdowns, the pushing/shoving, the meanness). My mind just goes and goes and goes. Sometimes I'll think, well he's a nice guy, it's partly my fault, I'll keep trying. Other times I'm done and want to get a divorce this moment. Is it true that when you are grieving a marriage or loss you remember the good things? Is there some denial on how bad the bad was, especially the abuse? How do you figure out how bad the bad was and how good the good was? Does it even matter? When you get to the point where you know it's done, does it matter...

And you posted earlier about being on a dating site? I think you've answered your question about that here.

If you don't know what to do...wait. Look at the stbxh's actions. Seek professional help and advice.

You're waffling. But sometimes the actions of others determine what we MUST do. I didn't want to get a divorce. But my xh was not changing his ways and was non repentant about his affairs.

Try to look at actions and not by feelings. Even if you get divorced, you'll still have some residual feelings left I can assure you. Feelings can deceive you. Your brain and the facts cannot. Go with the facts. Like Joe Friday said "just the facts ma'am."

Actions speak louder then words. I'd left him for three weeks after a very bad fight. I came back, was looking for an apartment, I brought the baby by to his house. He cryed, his emotions made me feel bad. But his actions said the opposite - I called him to say I'd be an hour later then I thought to pick up the baby. He said in a rude tone, no it's not ok, you are irresponsible. So if he was really so called emotional about not seeing the baby he should have not only wanted to spend those four hours with him, he should have begged for the weekend with him. But he couldn't be bothered, he's always called the baby "my job" and proved over and over he didn't want to take care of his child, only buy him things. I had put money down on an apartment to live right in the area, I went and got the baby, the husband was crying, I canciled the rent check and moved five hours away to where we used to live. I knew working with him being separated would have been a fight of power and control, not about the baby, but about my husband always having to win. Even if it means pushing/shoving his wife to win. Or not spending time with his child. That's the facts, but I feel sorry, every time I call my husband he cries, look what you've done to me, now I won't raise my child, etc. I feel bad, but it doesn't appear that he feels bad about me or the baby. It does seem that the facts, what my husband is doing, how he's acted, shows me what to do... thank you,