We have been together for 14 years not married hetro. She states that she can't be herself around me anymore like she can with her friends and wants to end the relationship which I consider a marriage. We have been growing apart for quite some time.

She suggests that I move out for a period of no less than one month so she can "be herself" again and that after that time we can reevaluate the relationship but with no gaurentees. (we have been apart but talking for 3 weeks) I suggested counseling she said it would not help.

My question is this, is this seperation a bad idea, do they usually end up in divorce, or can this be a good thing?

dont think i wil help but me and my wife did the same thing. A temp separation and we both didnt want a divorce and were making some progres. but things changed and she now wants a divorce. But hang in there not all separations end in divorce so keep your head up

I separated from my husband two years ago with the intention of going to counseling and getting back together. The counselor told me not to leave because he said most separations result in divorce, I think I've read that in books too. Now we are separated again and I'm fairly sure it'll end in divorce as this has gone round and round for three years with no changes, plus abuse. I think women tend to remember a lot more then men, and add it up more - so if a lot of negatives have gone on maybe there's less of a chance that it'll work out. I feel like your wife, separated to find myself but more important peace from all of the awful fighting. I have that peace in my apartment but I regret the marriage falling apart. If there was a way to fix it I would, but too much has happened. There's a book about separating to stay married, separating with the goal of figuring out how to get back together. It's really good, gives you ideas on "dates" and such, if your wife is open to that at all. I can't think of the name of it, and my books are at "his" house still. Sorry for your story...

If you want to try and save this R you need to read up and learn everything you can from this site and anything else you can get your hands on. If you decide to plan A then you should NOT move out. Let HER move if she wants to.

If I may ask, why were you two never married? Is there a commitment problem with one or both of you? That's a long time to be together and not be married.

I don't know what the statistics are, but they are probably a bit skewed due to the fact that a lot of people who get to the point of moving out are already completely done with the relationship.
My W move out two years ago and from my perspective it was a good thing. She has been humbled and changed a lot having to be out on her own and make her own way. I think things would have gone worse if she had moved back in too soon.