Okay, folks, I need a quick reality check here. On Tuesday my S was working about a one hour drive from my home. I went to pick him up after work (my D came with me) and I needed to be to MY work that night by 5pm, so OS volunteered to drop me at work and then he would drive home. I thought that was pretty thoughtful!

Anyway, exH was supposed to pick up our D at our house at 5:30pm for his weekly visit with her, and he happened to arrive at our house before the kids got back. Sooooo...he gets to the house, rings the doorbell and no one answers...and "he's worried" so he uses the key we have hidden outside and LETS HIMSELF INTO THE HOUSE!! Now, there was no one at home, the lights were off in the house, the house was LOCKED, and he never tried calling the home phone or cell phone. "He's worried" so he just unlocks the door and WALKS IN!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

When I found out about it, I told him IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that he was NOT allowed to enter my home without my permission, and that I sure as heck did NOT give him permission!! :flambe He then proceeded to try to explain that he had the right to enter the house because the kids told him they would be there and they weren't...and "he was worried." :2argu Furthermore, when I told him I thought it was illegal, he told me "Fine; I guess next time I'll just call the police." Maybe it's just me, but I took that as if he were trying to intimidate me.

DUH--HELLLOOOOO!! If he were to arrange to meet his boss at his boss' home at 5:30pm, and arrive at the boss's home to find no one home, would he walk into the boss's house?? I doubt it!! He might call the home phone...then a cell phone...then wait a while...then leave a note saying, "I was here, you were not." I seriously doubt he would just enter the house!!!! If he were to arrange to meet his girlfriend...or ANY friend for that matter...and arrive at their house before they got there, it would be breaking and entering to just go into their house! But somehow he's trying to convince me that it's not illegal to enter my home without my permission!!

(BTW, I would never in a million years give him permission!!)

FURTHERMORE...I seriously doubt if he really would call the police, but if he actually did, what would he say? "They were supposed to meet me here, and they're not here?" Is that a crime? The police would laugh in his face! He has no reason to call them or "be worried"

So vote here. I call it illegal breaking and entering. He thinks he had the right because "he was worried." Give me a reality check and let me know what YOU think!!


FNCJ

CJ,

Here's my reality check. He doesn't have a name on the title. He is not entitled to come in your home. File a police report for the record and let them warn him.

Don't let the camel's nose even get away with peeking in the tent. Swat it hard!

My husband has came here while I was out. I was not happy. Ironically he tried to get some of his clothes from his dresser but in a fit of anger I had thrown them all in the bottom of his closet. He didnt even look there..LOL But he did take ALL of the socks I was sorting so that pissed me off.

Hi CJ,
Call the police and make a report. Right away. He had no right to do that. I went through the same thing. My X even said the same thing. He told me he thought something was wrong cause kids didnt answer door. he told me he would do it again if he thought something was wrong

There was..They didnt want to see or talk to him. Many times X just walked in, daughter would be surprised while watching TV, or she was pretending to be asleep and he would walk right upstairs looking for her.

I think I finally got it clear to him, it has been a long time since he did that, but then, it has been awhile for you too. I guess I shouldnt let my guard down. We dont have a key outside for him to use.

I have responded to you before, but I dont think I ever read your whole story. I just did. Its amazing how similar our storied are.

Our counselor told us that my X was a psychopath. I didnt realize that that was an actual medical diagnosis. I thought it was just a loose term that people threw around, usually jokingly.

"yeah, he's a psychopath, he's crazy"

well, fall 2003 I took an abnormal psych class and I was amazed at what I discovered about a psychopath. And the descriptions fit him to a capital T. X was abusive in all the ways yours was, and then some. While I dont live in fear anymore, I dont trust him. And he will not abuse me any more

I have it on record with the police that he was trespassing in my house and next time charges will be filed. Police told me it is better to call them while he is there, but either way will work. Protect yourself from his abuse. He has no right to do that, and he is still being abusive to you.

Sorry, I could ramble on and on, and I guess I am cause I am real tired, but this irritated me that your X did this after all this time.

Take care of yourself,
Smiles,
Dawn

Move the key and change the locks.

Make sure he can't do it again. If he tries, he'll be pretty upset that the key isn't there anymore and the copy he made of it doesn't work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I posted a response on your other thread as well

Do not ever leave a key outside for just ANYONE to find!!!

Or even for someone to take it make a copy leave and come back while your gone or sleeping--

CJ - this is Colorado - he has NO RIGHT to enter your home. You moved. He isn't on the lease, never was. Your door could have been standing open with blood on the floor and he was still trespassing. If he was worried he should have called the police. They would have laughed at him - but so what - he had NO RIGHT to enter YOUR home.

As for the kids being in there - they are big enough to answer the phone or the door - not gonna sway that big bad policeman.

Don't let him get by with threatening you --- Intimidation is not nice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugs,

Jan

Just a quick note on who's where, etc.:

My exH and I are officially divorced and have been for nearly two years. We are living in entirely separate homes that are only in our respective names. In other words, there is no confusion about whose home is whose...we don't still each have our name on a mortgage or lease...etc. This is extremely clearly MY property, and he extremely clearly opened a LOCKED property that was not his, and he knowingly and unlawfully entered. He does not now, nor has he ever had a key to my property; nor do I have a key to his. When I moved in here some two years ago, I had the locks changed and got brand new locks...so the keys are not "that" old--and there are five copies (landlord, me, 2 kids, hide-a-key). On our patio, we had one of those "hide-a-key" deals that had a key in the unlikely event that one of us forgot our housekey or accidentally got locked out. Apparently either the kids told him where it was, or he SAW them use it , or something. It was supposed to be used in the event of an emergency! BTW, the kids were not home yet. They had dropped me off at work, so no one was home. He just unlocked the door, walked in, spent time doing "we don't know what", rearranged some things, and walked back out and locked it again!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Anyway, the very, very FIRST thing I did was to bring in that "hide-a-key" and leave it in the house. For the time being, until we figure out how to proceed, there will be no key outside.

The second thing I did was to look at Colorado State Statutes, to actually read the law for myself. Now, since I do not know what he did while he was in the house, I can not prove whether he entered with the intent to commit a crime or not, but I can say that some things were moved around in the house enough to let us know someone had been in our home. To me, that is on the verge of stalking. Soooo...after reading state laws, it was either first degree criminal trespass, second degree criminal trespass, or stalking/harrassment. Frankly, I think all three!! Thus, it would appear that by legal definition alone, what he did was indeed illegal.

The next thing I did was call my landlord and ask about the price and process of changing locks. Hey, how do I know he didn't go get a copy of my key?? I will be discussing the options with the landlord tomorrow.

The next thing I did was to investigate the different options of reporting, documenting, filing RO...just looking at what's available. Thankfully, in my city they have a Telephone Reporting Unit at the police department which you can call and make a police report and let the officer know it's a cold crime, you just want to report. I thought that sounded like an EXCELLENT option for me. I will sleep on it tonight, but I think I am going to choose to file a telephone report, and then it's on legal record...and if he ever does something like this again, I have legal documentation of it.

I don't mean to sound paranoid, but my exH has done this stuff before. Two years ago, he broke into the house a couple of times: Once while I was sleeping he came into my room and when I woke up, he said "Just wanted you to know I can get in here any time I want." Another time, he broke in while I was sleeping, woke me up, and said, "I could have snatched the kids and you would have never even known." Another time he broke in while we were at the movies and deleted my hard drives. Yet another time he broke in while one kid was home (he didn't realize that at the time) and took a sledgehammer to the walls.

Yeah...this man is pretty sick, so I think telephone reporting is appropriate. I don't think "document this time and report if he does it again" will quite cut it. Plus there's the whole CS court thingy, and I think he might be trying to (GEEZ, I don't know...) get evidence or something??? Snoop around??? The man is not right in his head! (Oh, BTW, Dawn, I think your ex and my ex may be the same man! haha)

I think tonight might be an EXCELLENT night for a beer and an early bedtime...don't you??


FNCJ

CJ ---

I slept on it - I can't imagine tolerating someone whow would enter your home like that. You are right about the Stalking. That is scary - I know some of the things you've said before indicate stalking. I'm going to suggest that you get ahold of some people from the PD and talk to them about his stalking behaviors.

The previous visits to your home indicate obsession. Please don't wait until it is too late. Your children are old enough to either meet him at the door or the street - he need never enter your home. I believe an RO is necessary here.

Hugs,

Jan

PS. It's snowing HERE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and I need a new mouse.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

CJ
My x once thought I was in danger b/c I was out of town at my sister's and didn't drive home until 9 pm that night. He was sitting in my driveway all day...even called the police to have them break in my door. They did not. He is a control nut freak and was really crazy that he had a wild idea I was dating a doctor from Alabama. I was NOT. I went to see my sis and bro in law and their family with my son. Sure, I have a buddy hwo is a doc in AL, but never did date him. Not ever.

Then a year after our separation, my x did break in my home. My neighbor saw him come in and they called 011. He was eventually arrested for illegal trespassing and was not charged with burglary or breaking or entering b/c we were at the time still legally married, even though divorce papers had been filed. He did get on my computer, read emails, get on my phone and have a leisurely look at caller ID, but couldn't access messages.

Ironically, a very very expensive watch went missing during this time too. We think he stole it...b/c family values is wearing same kind of watch but in a different style.

It is against the law. I would file charges and do what they said about changing locks. It is criminal to do what he did.

Would he give you same leeway at his home? I don't think so. This could also be a passive way of showikng controlling behavior and also a form of ab use. I think it was abuse too when my xh did it. It made me scared for months.

File a report.

Change the locks.

Consider the restraining order.

My x was furious when, a few months after he left, I changed one of the locks. Told me his name was on the house too. I told him I wasn't the one who moved out. And I was the one who needed to feel safe in the house. Fortunately that was the end of that.

But your x has NO right to do that. If you ever put another key outside, be very careful.