OK, for those of you that know us, mp22 and I are getting along rather well the past couple of weeks. I would say that conversation on this board is largely to credit for it...and i thank all.

So I sit here reading a few other posts, and I wonder, what do you all think love is? Now mp22, don't get all mad and in a flurry, I'm not upset because we are maybe even enjoying each other...lol...but I am curious what other people think.

I have read in at least two places in the past 5 minutes from woman posting about their husbands...and after all this crap that they do, they always say "I still love him". I am curious, what do people think love is?

Some have said, it is a choice...you choose to love someone. As you choose to love your children. I think that is hogwash myself.

To me, I would best describe love as respect...for how a person is, carries herself, does, acts, etc. (Respect may not be the best word here...but that's what I'll use) From this respect, comes a huge desire to be with this person, share time together, etc. I think, to me, love is these feelings and desires. Physical attraction will come next, or at least physcial contact. But the mutual respect, sharing, the connection that comes from this...

I'm sure I could refine this much more...but back to work. So, what do you think love is? When you say "I still love him", why do you say this?

Do you think people love becuase of familiarity and past history together?
Do they love because of fear of separation or loneliness?
Do they love for comfort?
Do they love because they are afraid of saying they no longer do?

I guess what I am asking...Are people really honest with themselves about if they REALLY DO love someone...or do they just convince themselves they do because of the results of the truth? This is why I always say it is hardest to be honest with yourself...the truth can be horrendous.

Curious to hear others comments.

Ah, I think I am right...far to difficult to be TRUELY honest with yourself!

Good question. I only have one problem. If you can describe your feeling of being in love, then your not. Being in love is something that goes beyond vocal description. It is a combination of respect as you said, complete dedication, complete sacrifice, and also expecting that person to do the same for you. I have seen a great quote is another member's signature line, I don't remember whome, but I think it fits perfectly: Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to. Just my 2 cents worth. Agree with you on looking forward to everyone elses thoughts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love is one of those huge words and concepts that has so many facets and levels. I "love" ice cream. That means it gives me pleasure. But it makes no demands on me and my loving it does not mean I give anything of myself to the ice cream I love. We can "love" our spouses in the same way we love ice cream--for the pleasure they give us. But what if our spouse makes demands on us for his or her pleasure? Then our spouse is not so pleasurable anymore and VOILA!, I no longer love my W (I find no pleasure in her anymore). This is the Hollywood romance kind of "love". When it wears off, then you find a new flavor of ice cream and a new spouse.

At the other end of the spectrum, we have "love" as a decision and an action--a decision and action to give ourselves for the highest good of another person. Jesus is the best example of this kind of love. Certainly there was little in most of us sinners to give him pleasure in us or that attracted him to us so much that he was willing to die for us.

For most of us fall somewhere between the extremes. My W is closer to the emotional and pleasure side of love, and when she told me she wanted to separate she said "I can't stay married to a man I am not IN love with." (Meaning, among other things, does not make her FEEL good, does not inspire romantic feelings, does not affirm everything that she thinks and does).

The paradox of love is that if you aim for getting and keeping the feeling of "love", you will probably fail. The feelings of love, respect, contentment, fulfillment, etc. seem to come as a "by-product" of consistent and continuing decisions and actions to give of ourselves, especially when both spouses are committed to doing these things regardless of whether they FEEL "in love" or not at any particular time.

This is a hot topic for me because problems in my M have arisen from the vastly different views and expectations my W and I have of "love."

Hi, I "love" this topic! (groan....)

Anyhoo, thought I'd enter my opinion because a year ago I went to a counselor and she asked if I loved my H. I said NO.

Then she said "I'm sorry to hear that," in this syrupy counselor voice.

I couldn't put my finger on it, but I really felt bad. DIDN'T I LOVE MY H?

And why had that been my automatic response?

Well, 2 months into MB, (About 4 mo. ago) I was looking at H across the tennis court net, and I "loved" him...

I KNEW that I loved him. My body, soul and heart were full, as I looked at him I couldn't think of ANYTHING that I DIDN'T love!

Now I realize that my Love Bank was full. So that is my working definition.

Yesterday I was telling H that I loved the way he put Saran Wrap on the BROWNIES!!!! (I really, really did!)

I "love" MB, it's brought joy into every part of my life.... this sounds like a commercial, sorry about the sap...

-blueberry

<small>[ August 26, 2002, 02:01 AM: Message edited by: blueberryskies ]</small>

I like Dr. Scott Peck's version of the word. Its stepping outside of yourself to nurture anothers spiritual and physical needs.(or something along those lines)
If I give my kids cothes,cars food etc.. but don't care what they feel or are learning-its just the physical needs taken care of.Yet if I kiss them, tell them I love them and don't make them dinner ect..-its just words.

just found these fun love quotes-

***

when a person is in love,
the smallest distance is too great,
and the greatest distance is not too far

***

no one acts more foolishly than
a wise person in love

***

with love you can
have paradise in a
tattered box

***

<small>[ August 26, 2002, 02:26 AM: Message edited by: blueberryskies ]</small>

"What Is Love?" Like that song from '94 by Haddaway, so much of 'love' is defined by things like - He/She's hot, they're sexy, they turn me on, they make me feel good, etc. Whatever. That is LUST.
I'm no shining example - having made plenty of mistakes myself; however, in going to the Bible - to my wife and I that is the Final Authority - and it is filled with passages like "We are to love our wives as ourselves/our own flesh." We take care of ourselves first generally, and when we marry someone we are to put their needs and wants in front of our own. Another example is given that we are to love our wives as Jesus loved us and loved us so much He died for us! And of course, I Corinthians 13 - the oft-quoted 'Love Chapter' of the Bible - look at all the things Love does, tolerates, thinks no bad of others, etc. THAT'S love! And another song "Love's Not A Feeling" is so true - if that was the case, then it would validate infatuation. Love is sticking with someone through thick and thin, good and bad, sick and health, in short - your Marriage Vows! So, respectfully, I do disagree with you - it is a choice - a choice that you make for life - after all, that's what your Wedding Vows say... til Death do you part.
Another quote my Mom said to me once, "Love never gives up" that one touched my heart - if you really love someone then you'll do everything you can for that person!
God bless you.
Harold

In 1977 a friend of mine made this statement:

The word WOMAN means WOE UNTO MAN

LOVE is a mere misunderstanding between two fools

MARRIAGE is the best institution you can be in, BUT who wants to live in an instution all their life!

He was probably one of the happiest married men I've ever known.

Read I Corinthians 13 4-7, It describes what Love is but not as a feeling. I personally don't know how to put it into words, I just know how it feels to me