Well I am in Vermont and now she tells me that I have a court date tommorrow in West Virginia. She could have left a message for me on my phone! 3 and a half years ago I declared that I would love the very same woman that is now treating me like complete garbage. Let us not forget that she is the one who had the affair!! There is no way that I can make it back in time. I never wanted the divorce but it looks as though I have no other choice now. She really could have warned me about the court hearing. I am sure that she did not just find out today. I would not be half as angry if she had simply left me a message. Sory I just had to vent! How many of you married one person then had to divorce someone that you no longer even recognize? Everybody that knew her when she was "happy" with me has told me that she is no longer the same woman. They all say that her changes are for the worse. I guess this will be the little consolation I will get in this. I am really hurting here and just need to know that I am not alone in this agony. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: -ConfusedinWv- ]</small>

Confused, I am usually in the general Q forum, so I didn't see this post before now.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

If you care to read my story, the link is below.

I have heard all of the same comments from even her mom. she has definately changed here as well.

Do you have an attorney? It is usually not possible to schedule a court hearing without giving the oposing party adequate notice, I hope you were able to get the date changed.

Hosea

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How many of you married one person then had to divorce someone that you no longer even recognize? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm definitely a member of this group. He no longer even returns calls about his daughter when I call to ask when/if they'd like her to visit. And if I leave messages for him (because he refuses to answer my call), he just leaves little spiteful things back. I'll not go into detail. Just suffice it to say, I can't decide if it makes me REALLY angry, or if it just breaks my heart. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

You are definitely not alone in your agony. We've all been through it in various degrees. It is awful. On one hand, it helps to know others understand. On the other hand, it's sad to think so many people are going through the same pain that you are.

You will be okay even if the DV goes through. I was pretty sure I wouldn't continue breathing if my husband didn't return--but I'm still here. Just believe that the Lord is going to use this to grow you. He will not allow give us more than we can endure.

But it can be VERY frustrating and painful. And I found that even though my XH said initially "I want to try and get along through the DV process. Who knows what the future might hold for us.", he became truly evil during the three-months between the filing date and the date the final decree was signed, constantly threatening me and accusing me of trying to screw him out of something. I gave WAY more than I should have, just because I didn't want to fight anymore.

So be careful. Don't be surprised if things get really ugly and really crazy. Just hang in there. Do what you feel is best. Whether you decide to try and stall the process, or you go along with it, it'll be bumpy either way.

Along with focusing on the Lord, I spent a LOT of time on the MB boards. The advice and really just the people being here all hours of the day or night when I was crumbling was unbelievably helpful. Helped me remain semi-focused.

Hang in there!

LL

I, too, am no longer married to the same man. The man I married loved me unconditionally, treated me wonderfully, and swore that his love grew daily. Last night he called me drunk and told me to F*** Off.

HIs friends also do not recognize him. He no longer has contact with them and minimal contact with his children. The only people who do not see the obvious change in his are: 1, his parents, and 2, his "friend" (OW)

I'm one of the oddballs, in that I would still be open to reconciliation if my "old" husband came back into the picture, although I know that's not happening. That's only because I honestly do not know this man, and feel that depression/alcohol are playing a HUGE role in all of this. Plus, I keep praying for the sake of our children that things get better.

I could NOT sleep a year ago, and am just now sleeping through the night, although still only about 6 hours. I"m praying that that gets better with time also.

Best of luck

cm

I have returned from Vermont and now I have been told that she has filed a restraining order against me! I know that getting put in the hospital for depression is pretty bad but how does she figure that I would ever want to harm her? How does it happen that the faithful (but imperfect) spouse ends up on the wrong end of all of this stuff? I finally blurted out that she was having an emotional affair with another man to her family. I did not meant to but they would not let me off of the phone and it just happened. I am still just hanging on here. I just can't wait for it to be over because I would realy like to move on now. I want to start the rest of my life off meet my next love and maybe get a REAL WOMAN this time! Sadly with my social life I may have to resort to online dating. 99% of the women in my age group where I live are married and I have not interest in "liberating" a married woman.