After many heated battles/screaming matches at home and at work (we work together)I promised myself yesterday - I won't do this again...I will not allow him to "poke the tiger" and get me engaged in a screaming match again.

I promised that I will no longer call his many MOW, girlfriends, WHORES. I will not play the name calling game - I will not call him a liar, cheat or a thief. I will do my best to remain calm. I will not argue about how much I want financially - I will let my attorney argue this point. I will not let his comments about me being a BI%^& bother me. I will walk away....

Sure hope I can keep these promises.. I see that all the verbal blows gets neither of us anywhere. I see that my M is over - there is no reason to remain angry. I realize that for many years I deeply loved this man and I should hold that thought and not inflict verbal pain/abuse on him. I would not scream at a stranger/friend like this so why should I do it to someone I deeply loved.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH..I WILL HEAL WITHOUT SCREAMING, VERBALLY BASHING HIM.

I realize that no matter what I say - even w/kind words he will twist it to suit his EN. Nothing I say sinks in or matters to him.

There I feel better now...

I hope someday i can get to where you are. From our discussion ( well his lecture) I see im going to have to let him go reguardless of what i want or feel. Im so scared.

i tell myself those things every day too. have been in waaay too many screaming bouts, and you're right, they dont help....AT ALL. but i still did it...over and over like i was possessed. when you are hurt so deeply it seems that you HAVE to verbalize it to the person you love, who you cannot believe did this to you. seems like he turned you into a monster that you were not before. i would go on sometimes for hours, or until he walked out. its been 3 years for me now and a lot of the rage is gone. i'm just really sad...sad that he couldnt keep his end of the bargain so we could be a family together.

You know, I have always thought that keeping the family together was of the upmost importance, but im not so sure im thinking that way anymore. I mean, if the house is in continual turmoil, and if its like mine, my teenage boys are hiding in their rooms, never sure when its safe to ventuyre out........... Is that good? Im thinking its much less healthy than to come to terms with the reality that as i was just told " you made your bed, you now get to lie in it"
So now im trying to come to terms with the thought that it just may be healthier for all involved to undertake a new journey in life....... ( man thats scary! )