Hey all. I need some help been married for about 8.5 years and all that time I have been horrible to my wife. Through the early years she had stuff to work through too and I have to say she is a trooper. It has finally come to a head after so long of just abusing her with my lies that I really think she wants out in a bad way.

Problem is that after all this time I have woken up and I can "finally" see what it is I stand to lose. Not that all along I had no regard for her but I guess I didnt realize until now that she is such an important part of who I am and I really like what we can be together and I desperately don't want to lose that.

She is struggling with believing me and I don't blame her I just pray everyday I get the chance to show her that I understand now (finally) and that I love her dearly.

Not sure if this will help or if even you guys arn't not going to say "you are getting what you deserve" but I have to try I can't just sit and do nothing.

Please someone help.

hey drew...
i ruined the best thing in my life by an attempted affair....
now she has become the worst thing in my life....
keep plugging away, advise her of where you are, what you are doing and who you are with....and do it often......
call her often just to tell her you love her or that you are thinking about her...
do whatever little special things for her that you know she appreciates....you know what those are....
keep trying, keep it real and be honest

Knowaliabis is right. You need to be 100% available to your wife all the time. She should have a written schedule of exactly where you'll be and with whom. If you've sent a no contact letter to OW, send your wife a copy too. Send her all your email addresses and your passwords. Send her your voice mail password. EVerything.

Tell her everything she wants to know. Remember, she's not going to "just get over it and get on with it." Well, if she divorces you she might. Otherwise, you're looking at months or even a couple of years before your lies and the affair(s) are no longer a topic of discussion. Yep, it will hurt you, but remember, she already experienced the pain and she was innocent.

Hopefully, you're also sorry for the horrible pain your caused your family and for the time and energy you spent elsewhere instead of on them. If so, apologize.

A lot of wayward spouses have recovered their marriages. Some haven't. Good luck.

The truth hurts, but here goes.
Sometimes you don't know what you have got until it is gone, but you can also learn from your mistakes. I am going thru the same horrid thing, but I am the one who can relate to your wife. After 18 years of mental and physical abuse and infidelity I am done. The funny thing is now he wants be back and I have nothing left to give. You have made bad decisions and if you are lucky whe will come back to you, if not then you must suffer the repercussions of your bad mistakes and NEVER make them again. Learn your lessons no matter how hard they are. You may have screwed up a good thing and hurt someone, but there is still hope somewhere out ther for you.