hey all and thanks for reading and replying if you do so, i have been married for almost 2 years, me and my wife are young, 22 and 21, we have on child that is almost 2 years old, recently in the past few weeks my wife has been kinda distant from me, but i never asked what was up just tried harder to please her. just the other night it got to the point where i had to ask, she broke down and started crying, she says that she loves me but isnt in love with me. wow i think, didnt see that one coming, we have had our share of problems, so have we all, but always been able to work them out. this time she is moving out, not moving everthing now but she said slowly. i dont want to split up of divorce, if only i could rekindle the spark, or is this just a phase and she needs time away. she is a very stressful person, her job aggrivates her and being a young mom is probably not helping either. please feel free to ask me questions or post comments, any help is appreciated.

In spite of 1940 and 50 movies, moving out is not a phase. The good news is if she's only been distant for a couple of weeks, she may not be too far gone.

I don't want to add to your worries, but you need to find out if there's someone else.

Now, read everything on this site starting with the Basic Concepts, then heading off to the letters to Dr. Harley. On the Emotional Needs board, the first post has tons of links.

You need to go into full plan A immediately. This is not stepping it up a notch, this is going full throttle. After you read the basic concepts, figure out what your wife's emotional needs are, and figure out the things you do that destroy her love for you. Then, you can develop a plan. Fill us in on the plan too.

People here have a lot of experience. They've helped me a lot.

You are so young! Doesn't help any when your heart is broken, but cut your losses before you end up spending almost 20 years in a bad relationship. When one keeps fighting for the other and wins them back, that is what happens.... Way too many years of unhappiness. Of course you have the other option of giving her space. You may have heard the saying: If you love someone then set them free, if they come back to you then it was meant to be, but if somehow they don't return then a lesson you shall learn is that to love someone is to set them free. Time will tell and you want answers now, but that is just not life. Stay strong and give her space and if you need to, move on. No one ever said that life would be easy or fair and this is coming from someone who has always been treated as a princess. The crown has fallen and even tho I have the King to help pick up the little girl's pieces, it still is hard. Good luck to you.

get this, my wife has already called me twice. by reading so many different opinions on the internet i decided to try one yesterday. Dr. Homer Mcdonald. basically he is telling on his home page to go along with her dicision and act happy about, sounds like it is more of less trying to surprise attack her. she has already called twice. the first time about an hour after she left and then this morning at about 9:00. maybe i am to optimistic. maybe not. i was also told by another that she presents all the signs of having a emotional relationship with someone else..not what i wanted to hear...but i guess anything is possible... she works at the stock room at magic mart, there is this truck driver that was interested in her before, but then we got back together and no more mentioned other than they just say hello...maybe i just did'nt listen to her enough, but either way i still feel it is my fault....is there any way to find out if she is cheating....or just post replys, need of your opinions plz thanks and god bless all who help

we have talked 4 or 5 times today, just short happy talk, but we have talked, and each time she has told me she loves me. Is this good, she said she would try to call me before she goes to bed, i really miss her, it is so hard not to cry when talking to her, and not to talk about serious stuff, but its pain taken for the future of love i guess, any info plz reply

Shane, hang in there man. If you haven't already, read the stuff on this site. The basic concepts and such. Pick up a copy of His Needs / Her Needs too.

You have come to the right place to try to peace your marriage back together. Keep posting too. The people here are knowledgable and can help a lot. You may want to start posting in the General Questions II forum as that gets much more traffic and you will recieve a ton more responses there.

Keep your talks short and happy as you have been doing. It is good she is telling you she loves you. A lot of WS will say they never loved you, tell you they hate you etc. You will see there is a "handbook" that WS seem to read out of. It is amazing when you read the stories on here how similar all the WS act and speak.

As far as whether on not she is cheating on you here are 10 red flags of a cheating spouse. Also look that site over as it too is a good one with lots of information.

I did a little googling on Homer McDonald and his www.stopyourdivorce.com website. If you are interested you can download that book Dr. McDonald is selling here.

Take care,

BM,BO

wow man thanks a lot, you sure help me out a lot, she just came by and dropped off our son, we talked a little, man its hard not to just grab and hold her tight and not let go, but at least we are getting along, she even gave me a kiss before she left, just a peck, but hey ill take what i can get, thanks for your imput

she just called me to say goodnight, we talked a little, told her i was glad that we were still cival and that she was still acting close to me, we then got into talking about the taking some time thing and i told her i was being patient and not gonna push her.... she said good but i cant promise you anything, meaning whether i will come back or leave for good, kinda negitive answer but trying to get on a better note i asked her what i could plan on valentines day, she said nothing real big, hmmmm.....y i wandered but at least we will be together, so what do you think, what could i plan thats not too big, i want to be as romantic as ever, but not to big, dont know if itll be good for our situation but i want to be romantic, maybe light a spark again, so please input on this, and whatever else you think, maybe some candles and some good music, but what kind of music, dont wanna be too obvious of what i am trying to do, kinda wanna catch her by surprise, thanks to all who reply and read

No candles! Way too obvious. She'll run the other way. Something casual. Imagine what you'd do if she were a woman with whom you were "just friends." You want to be more, but are unsure how she feels and you don't want to spoil the friendship.

So, what you're looking for is a gift and evening the can be taken either way. So, here are some items that we can pretty much rule out: Candy in heart shaped boxes, jewelry of any sort, lingerie, champagne, candles, perfume, a romantic dinner.

Now, you could invite her over for dinner, serve her burgers on the grill with her favorite beer, and turn on the game. I love that plan because it seems like when you play hard to get, she responds. In addition, your wife won't feel pressured and freak out.

This is just my humble, and often misguided opinion.

No problem Shane. I just hope your sitch turns out differently than mine.

I'd do something nice, yet casual,,,,try steaks on the grill, pop some popcorn and watch a comedy movie,,,try impressing her with making a nice desert (not overly romantic),,,,,treat her like a friend, but a special one,,after all, even if your marriage DOES work out (and I hope it does), she's your friend as well as your wife,,,Oh and buy her a valentine from your child to her,,,,that's always impressive.