Well, Fogman saw the 2 boys (not our D due to the RO) today for their first round of supervised visits. The boys did great, since they are truly wonderful and have been missing their dad.

I, of course, feel numb and miserable.

He brought them toys and big Hershey's kisses. His own dad did the same thing when his parents got D, bought him anything he wanted. Fogman is exactly the same way, it's eerie. How come he can afford to buy them gifts, but isn't working and hasn't paid us a penny for 2 months? I am basically living off my paycheck (which only covers 1/2 the bills) and my dear parents.

Everything they had smelled like cigarettes, too! Ugh! He started smoking again during the A. I am very anti-smoking (I am a cessation counselor as well as a nurse).

His car wasn't there, so I'm assuming that OW dropped him off. How sweet and supportive of her. She is an absolute weirdo, and can have his dysfunctional self, but it still hurts so darn much.

First D hearing (really just an initial conference) is coming up on Valentine's Day, of all days! That is when child support will be set. Custody and visitation is already laid out in the RO.

I'm trying to focus on making a new life for myself and the kids, but my heart is so raw from being ripped apart again and again and again by the man who pledged his life to me. SIGH! This "death of the M" stuff is just awful. I feel God's hand on my shoulder, keeping me steady. I am giving this all to Him. I am not very religious, but it's just a feeling I have.

I will be heading to PA as soon as possible, just need to get approval from the judge (which I don't think will be an issue). I will have to find a local supervised visitation program there so that can be all set up when I ask the judge to move.

Organizing and moving will at least keep me occupied for awhile, keeps my mind off of the stupid Fog. Feels like I'm stuck in a poisonous mushroom cloud.

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 05:35 PM: Message edited by: What AmIDoing? ]</small>

((Hug))

None of it is easy. At least in my case while stbx is absolutely horrid to me, is very good with the children.

Every phone call, email, just throws me for a loop, though.

Yeah, even knowing he is nearby makes me want to puke. Horrible feeling. BTW, I notice Fogman didn't get any gifts for the baby. What a pr*ck. Maybe he thinks that it will violate the RO, who knows.

Thank goodness the visits are supervised. I'm sure he is dying to say how all of this is mommy's fault, blahblahblah. He has never hesitated before to degrade me repeatedly in front of/ to the kids, so why on earth would he be any different now?

I still feel like poop today. HURTING BADLY!!!

What does supervised visits mean? Who is there or do you meet somewhere? What are the rules to thi?

Hi Horsey! How are you doing?

Supervised visitation is court-ordered (in my case I requested it and it was approved) parent-child contact. There is a grant-funded program in my area that provides several rooms furnished with toys/games/books etc. where the children and the non-residential parent can have contact under the supervision of a trained monitor.

All contact between the kids and parent are observed. Anything inappropriate is stopped. There is usually a no-tolerance rule regarding alcohol and drugs. In fact, Fogman has to do breath-test within 15-30 minutes of arrival before he can even see the kids. He's drinking and smoking again since the A, so I am so glad they have this.

It's a decidedly neutral ground that the kids can enjoy. I'm sure the non-residential parent thinks they shouldn't have to do this, but then again, that is exactly how abusive people think. They have no clue how their behavior damages others, especially the kids.

I would look into it if there is domestic abuse. I believe that you already have a restraining order? Ask the Family Court people about any local programs. It's the ONLY acceptable option of contact for me at this point. Our local program is a part of the domestic violence program, both funded by the United Way (an incredible organization).

The kids are looking forward to seeing their dad, and I guess I'll just have to get used to them going. At least I can be assured that he won't be a dink in front of them.