First of all, I had a weekend that was so far pretty darn good. Took son to see Are We THere Yet Friday night. Good movie. But...a touch of too much reality as the kids who are wanting their mom to get back with their conveniently absent dad (they're recent divorcees) finds out that the reason their dad couldn't see them on new years was NOT because he was sick...but b/c he's shacked up with another woman and presto! She's already had a baby...my son just kinda sat there with his mouth open during that part. Was NOT expecting that. But it explains things well..Seems the guy in the movie (ice cube) was left by his dad and this guy is the one wanting to be in the kids' lives...so it's a positive movie for those struggling thru dating again...I recommend it.

After getting in friday, got a call from the xbf. Yea, the first xbf. The former co worker/medical dude. We talk for an hour. It's good. Oh and on tuesday of last week, he invited me to have lunch w/him at bahama breeze. And yes, Mr. Cheapo picked up the tab even though I tried to pay for my half...(he used to be the cheapest date ever). Before I left, I did kiss him. He did it though. So I am wondering what is up with the xbf? Methinks he is NOT liking his status now. During lunch, he tells me how two of his other friends (but not his roomate) got engaged..one was the other pa he worked with and I know...and the other is another pa whom I know who is engaged to a girl who does exactly what i do...so it's kinda strangely close to home. He is sitting there telling me this looking all wierded out. Foggy. So I tell him that it's cool that those guys are ready to jump in and start a deeper relationship with their gf's. He is just sitting there looking fogged and goofy during this talk. But then he perks back up and we have a good time.

Had date last night with a guy I met online. He is very very nice. Kinda cute. Good job. Has faith. No baggage. Just a businessman who spent the last 10 years getting where he wanted to go. Said he loves kids and wants maybe at least one of his own. Said he would love a son and daughter...even if by "default". So he's pretty cool. We went to a really nice restaurant and my son was at a place that has a very wonderful drop in kids' club...Had dinner for 2 hours and was back to get son. Before dinner was over, guy asked me out for valentine's weekend. I said yes. But then the face of the xbf floated into my head. I thought what if he asks me tout too? Then I remembered his foggy look after he started the whole conversation about committment and his friends/people I know too getting engaged. Now I am looking really wierd now. He stopped talking and said "are you ok? I bet you're thinking about when you have to go pick up your son". Geez. If Jack only knew. Then at the end, Jack says that "since your son wants to really become a vet, if we keep going out, I can arrange for him to go and have a private tour of the UT vet clinic (one of his relatives is a staff instructor/vet there)and let him see how vets really help out." So that was very cool. He was thinking about my son.

Swissboy has remained fogged. He called tuesday and because I did not want to see him tuesday night (was tired and upset due to a family issue)he got all angry. Seems I have discovered a pattern. He wants to see me all the time...but it is when my son is NOT around. Not at all. That's not good in my book. I do come with a sidekick in my life. A permanent one. And he's really cute and is fixing to loose his left front tooth. If a guy doesn't want to be a part of US then there will be nothing for him. Nope. I think swissboy was pouting b/c he knew I was getting son back wednesday and wanted things on his terms. Wrongo. And wouldn't you know it? Tuesday evening, swissboy has the gaul to ask me "I still can't believe you didn't want to g to NYC with me?" I was almsot in disbelief. It was because of HIM I did not go to NYC. I quickly used orchid's famous reverse babble to straighten him out..."I would have gone to NYC with you had you bought the ticket and communicated with me. Personally, I find it difficut to go on trips with people who tell you 3 days before you're supposed to leave that they don't want you to go. I think my mindreading capabilities may need a little more work."

Seems like you'd want to keep your child away from men you are dating until you are committed anyways. I'm not expert but I was single a long time and I wondered about single dads who'd have me over while their children were their on weekends. Kids don't understand this do they? Do they think these men are going to be their new dad? How about reducing it to one then before they have to go through trying to digest it? Yes, you have a sidekick, but this is your "adult" life. This man that doesn't want to do things with you and your child, if he hasn't had children doesn't really get your world anyways. Sure he gets that you have a child, he's accepted that or he wouldnt' still be interested in you. But he doesn't want an instant family, he likely doesn't want a mom looking for a father for her child, emotionally, financially or otherwise. I know men that dated and would complain that single moms would come across as just that, women looking for a father for their children. Men don't usually like being pushed into things, there are a few "rules" (you know the silly book Rules on dating) that can be followed that can help you come across as a strong, caring yes, a good mother, yes, but not someone who'll put her child in a position not fair to him/her, or your dates. Just some thoughts, I dont' know much about marriage, screwed mine up - but dating I know more about, I did it a long time.

Hey peachyness...*high five* girlfriend...didn't know we are riding the same ride....well hopefully things with the new guy will work out he sounds pretty cool....I have just gotten my feet a little wet to test the waters....we shall see how it goes.

My son has never seen my dating life and I have NOT placed him in an unfamiliar or a sitch that would be imho...not good for him...my son only saw for 15 minutes one afternoon at area park, my xbf, on neutral territory, and he rode his bike and xbf rollerbladed.

What I had mentioned, and I think you might have "gotten" it wrong...was the fact the man I went to dinner last night was WILLING and wanting to have children in his life.

What I have found unfortunately is that alot of guys will steer clear of a woman with children. Heck, in a town like this one, it's easier to find somebody who is and always been single. I mentioned it because it is DIFFERENT from the way someone I used to date acted (swissboy). Whom I had figured out only asks for dates when son is not around, never calls when I have son and never asks much about my son. When I do decide to settle down, they will have to figure out that my son was there first...my future H, if he ever is somebody I meet, will understand that perfectly.

As somebody who is divorced and DOES play by good dating rules and positive parenting, I can tell you that there are some slimy people out there..want to date the mom, but not step up to the plate should things become a bit more serious...Incidentally, my xbf was always nice and always asked about my son and still does.

You are able to easily figure out who would be good around children and those who'd really not care for that...

It is a more difficult sitch when you are a divorced parent re entering the dating world. UNLIKE my xh, who moved OW into family home 2 mos. after we separated and who also took OW1 to disney with son along and lied about it to me, I am and hold to higher standards. Last night, son did not see mom go out to dinner with anybody. He has only met one person in one year, for 15 minutes on neutral territory at a park. And it was somebody I had dated for five months at the time.

Again, if you had read any of my earlier posts Horsey, you'd have seen how my son was NOT exposed to my dating life.

I have read many books on dating and trust me...unless I am in a committed relationship and for a good decent while, my son will NEVER meet anybody. He is a person with feelings and he has had to deal with enough upheaval in his life from his father. I am not about to add to his instability. The stability in my son's life comes from me and always has.

I would also like to add, that I wish somebody had told me about the attitudes of people out there POST divorce and with kids. For those newly divorced or wondering what in the heck is going on out in the world, it is good to know.

I didn't mean to offend you, I don't know enough of your story. I just recently separated with my little boy. I don't know how to go out and date myself. First I have to get a divorce, I can't even get myself to do that. So I'm the last one to offer advice. I'm sure it's harder being a single mom. I actually emailed a few guys on a singles site, posted a thread here about how guilty I felt. Quit. But one has been continuing to email me even though I told him that I'm only separated. He said we'd just email. He seems like a nice divorced guy, mid 40s, no kids. He said his divorce was easy. He likes to travel like me, is into business like me, likes the outdoors, we have a lot in common actually. So I guess it's ok to harmlessly email him but not meet for a long time that's all. I worry about my little boy, I feel like I should have tried harder at my marriage, it does take two to screw up. I'd really feel crazy if he was old enough to understand more, he's only 10 months old. I never, ever thought I'd be a single mom. Part of what I said is tainted, I had lots of single guy friends and heard their perspective on dating single moms, and I was in a small town where women would act differently. I'm with you, I don't know how I'd separate in my mind, MY personal life and that of the baby and me. It would be best to do so wouldn't it, so the kid wouldn't meet various men, unless we are lucky enough to marry the first guy we meet. Guess as I start dating again, but I can't see it happening right now, I'll probably go ahead and introduce him sooner then I think. I don't know. I have some research to do myself...

I know what you mean Peachy. The whole dating scene is full of uncertainties. We have to make decisions based upon very unclear information. Right now I have a decision to make concerning a situation that I NEVER thought I would have to deal with.

I am coming to the conclusion that we have to start enjoying the process of dating and not focus on the results. In other words, "lighten up". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Since you have kids you are at an advantage. You don't have to worry about marrying so you can start a family. You already have your family. Lucky you!

Peachy, I know your story, and the following statement did not sit well with me either. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He wants to see me all the time...but it is when my son is NOT around. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Until you are serious with someone, I think it is respectable that they honor your time with your child. I know this trait is important to me, and I will not give up my time with my children to have a date.

Just think about how you worded this.

Newly, you're right. I did re-read how that was worded...I don't want anybody around my son until it is officially serious..whenever and wherever that will be...but the background on this guy is a bit different...Known him since our college days as we have bumped into each other years and years ago and we have mutual friends..He's been around for 10 mos. now and has professed he'd wanted a serious relationship w/me. And I'd believe him but...And the BUT is the big part. 1)fiasco with the NYC trip 2)reason I broke up w/him last year--the old xfiancee 3)unexplained absences from talking(out of blue could just not call or a few days on end) and 4)his not wanting to see me or go out when I have my son...it's not like once in a blue moon I can get a sitter or something (usually don't go out when son is home..in fact it is rare).

I just am of the thought that if somebody is professing to want something serious, he should match his words with his actions. His words and actions don't mesh. And when he phoned me the day he was in FL at the Orange bowl, the famous six am call I got on way to work, he was acting very wierd and strange...and alluded to fact "he's not sure if he's ready to be a dad"..well being that I am not s. active, the only referral could be to fact I have a son. So I've done a bit of soul searching and figured out that the guy HAS to be good with both me AND my boy. Mind you, he won't get the privilege of meeting him until it's something to write home about. I am just overprotective of my son and of me. Will under no circumstances allow any cake eaters or foggy men into my life ever again. Nope.

Horsey...Understandable. And you have plenty of time. I was just wanting you to see how and what I have done during the last year. And I know it's alot of upheaval and alot of pressure on you now. But you don't need to bite off more than you can chew. It is stressful ENOUGH going thru a divorce...but don't give fuel to your x's fires if you date before divorce b/c he could use it against you if he finds out...and especially if you are filing under grounds such as adultery..like I did. There are alot of women who toss their kids around. And alot of men that do that also. In fact, my xh and his wistress/wife are perfect examples of adults and parents who have put the needs and well being of kids on back burner waaaaaay behind the needs of their gonads..or in family values' case..the bank account. I guess I don't have what it takes to become another ATL "prada predator"...lol...that's what some of the girls I know call the wayward countryclub wives or homewreckers scamming on married well to do guys. If divorce is what's to come, end your marriage w/dignity. End it honoring your vows. End it and I promise you peace will come. And you'll have no blood on your hands or unresolved guilt and know you did all you could do. That's what I wanted in the end. Peace. And when it was signed, I went out. Had no reservations, had a pretty long separation, had a ws who was completely unrepentant except for a few emotional outbursts by him, and believe me...the first date was awkward, but went well.

Surviving, good to meet you and *high five* to you also! One can't be too rich, too happy or have too many friends. I am sorry you're going thru this. Use this time to work on you. Make yourself ultra fabulous before you unveil the new and improved single you. I looked at my divorce as a "very very extreme life makeover". I joked to my girlfriends it's like a serious weight loss thing. YOu lose wieght. I lost in fact 200 lbs..give or take about 10 from me...(x weighs about 200 lbs.) Btw...that joke was first said by Ivana Trump...when she divorced "the very wayward donald". I had time. I did. To get over the WS and his stuff he dumped on me. You still will have teensy bit of residuals left no matter how clean or healed you are btw. That's life and it's normal.

Justin, I know. But you're lucky. Guys usually want somebody their age or younger. So you should have NO problem having a family. And I will pray that the person comes into your life with either really wonderful kids, or wanting really wonderful kids, or has kids already and wants more! Life is going to be good for you b/c your heart is still willing to learn despite our outcomes and unfortunate divorce club on this board. It will turn around.

New issue: I am turning into "runaway bride". But I don't get anywhere near having them want to marry me yet. Here's the issue. I have a good date or two, and then I freak out and don't want to talk to them or return their calls. I don't know why? I don't get this. Am I becoming a committment-phobe? Not sure. Being a single mom is hard. It would be easier to just find the right guy and get married sure...but I've become terribly independent as of the last six months or so. And I've gotten thru huge life crisis by faith and work and friends and family. Notice no "sig other" to ease the stress of the issues in my life...Now I find myself going to dinner with the guy on saturday. He's wonderful. Attentive. Wanting a relationship and a family one day. Good stable profession and job. Good relationships with his relatives and loves his mom. So what's the issue here? I don't get it. Why am I running away? He's called 2x this morning to "say hi" and say that he's glad we're going out this weekend for dinner again. Maybe I am freaking out b/c it's valentine's weekend.

Heck, I HAVEN'T CELEBRATED VALENTINE'S DAY IN FOUR YEARS...EXCEPT FOR WITH MY LITTLE BOY. IT IS TO ME, THE LAMEST HOLIDAY IN THE WORLD SINCE THE BIG D. Yea, I know it. A bit of pessimism.

The only person I've felt comfortable around is the xbf, shortly followed by swissboy, who has proven to be imho..unreliable and maybe a cakeating fog man. Xbf did the unthinkable last year when he announced "he didn't care, he knew what I looked like all the time, saw me at my worst, and still thought I was wonderful." That's what he said. And he was nothing like the xh. Maybe I am still missing the xbf. Maybe it's a case of a relapse from me. A post relationship relapse. Like I would assume maybe one feels , a WS after talking to their former OP which can toss somebody into a tailspin?

I mean, I spoke with him twice last week (long talks), and he took me to a very nice lunch...and he did the dastardly deed of actually kissing me goodbye before he went into the ER. I think I am running from everybody BUT him. And he's not doing anything to make me thing he's coming back for good. Maybe some baby steps, but nothing huge. Meanwhile, I am going out occasionally but STILL shooting myself in the foot.

Ideas? Why in the heck am I doing this? I swear there are times it doesn't matter how many psych classes I took when it happens to me. I do see now it's a huge pattern in my life. I shut doors to people who want in, and only leave one or two doors open for people that aren't there...

Hey (((Peachy))),

Just a quick note to let you know I've been lurking and thinking on the topic. I've formed some pretty random thoughts on the matter but I'm up against a deadline at work, so give me some time to sort though work and organize these thoughts and I'll get back with you.

I suspect that you feel XBF is 'safe', you wouldn't want him long term, so he's a good diversion.
OTOH, the others are what you may be looking for long term, and you know you are not yet ready.

I got lucky, I met someone when I wasn't looking. I found a nice guy (who I likely would have avoided before). I'm enjoying it and still getting used to "normal" behavior. And we don't speak when I have my kids, and he knows he won't meet them for a while. He doesn't get the whole Kid & x thing, which is really a good perspective for me - since we've all been living it daily.

So, relax and enjoy. I still think your bio clock is pushing you. I know I want no more kids.

OK ((Peaches)) I have a moment so I’m going to share with you a couple of observations and some thoughts. As always, please know that all incite is offered with love.

As I see it, right now, I think you are standing at a crossroads in the whole relationship arena. In one direction you’ve got the “fun” singles dating scene and in the other you have the “fulfilling” committed towards marriage scene. I think you may be desiring both, tasting both, but committing to neither. Let me share a little of what I see.

I remember quite well your first posting and our first conversations about dating, Peachy, I don’t want to even tell you what was going through my mind. It was like watching a kid in a candy store. You described the brilliant colors of the candy so well but it seemed like you never got to the taste and were always left with a tummy ache. It just seemed very “surface motivated” to me.

Now, I’ve had the pleasure of watching that gradually shift. In the past 6 months or so, I’ve seen a HUGE change in your thinking. I’ve seen it move from “shallow” to “deep”, sometimes too deep and now I think you’re wading there in the middle. On one side the predictability and clear vision of the shallow end and on the other the unknowns of the deep end of the pool.

Does any of this make sense to you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong>

Surviving, good to meet you and *high five* to you also! One can't be too rich, too happy or have too many friends. I am sorry you're going thru this. Use this time to work on you. Make yourself ultra fabulous before you unveil the new and improved single you. I looked at my divorce as a "very very extreme life makeover". I joked to my girlfriends it's like a serious weight loss thing. YOu lose wieght. I lost in fact 200 lbs..give or take about 10 from me...(x weighs about 200 lbs.) Btw...that joke was first said by Ivana Trump...when she divorced "the very wayward donald". I had time. I did. To get over the WS and his stuff he dumped on me. You still will have teensy bit of residuals left no matter how clean or healed you are btw. That's life and it's normal.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">*shrugs* I'm OK by now out of my wanting him back phase....Him and OW can go run off into the sunset and fall off the flat earth for all I care....I just want to live my life with my son and be happy....and maybe find someone else worth loving again. I've already been through the makeover stage....believe me....I lookg reat already been asked out by six different guys...wasn't ready then and turned them down....but I have my eyes on one now...we shall see how it goes....yes I too lost weight...and 95lbs of it was mine....the rest was you know who....I feel and look more gorgeous than I ever was before I met WH...settled down...got fat and overly happy....so yeah it feels good to know that even tho WH is a big jerk and says things to hurt me when he is angry.....other men find me attractive and want to treat me right....maybe there is hope they all arn't losers.

Hey Peachy,
I find the whole dating/children thing very tricky. So tricky I'm not dating at all right now. I have 3 teenagers, that's right, 3. Most men run when they hear this part. Right now I like focusing on them, since we're all still gettting our land legs back, but the day is going to come when I will want to date and get remarried, sigh. I feel like I'm going to have to wait at least until my youngest goes off to college (5 more years)...
Guess I will leave it in God's hands,
God bless you, Peachy. Sounds like you're doing well.
Have fun, and take care,
KK

"I just am of the thought that if somebody is professing to want something serious, he should match his words with his actions. His words and actions don't mesh. "

BINGO!!! You get the prize! So many of us would be so much better off if we would look at what people do rather than what they say, or what we want to believe about them.

Oh, to set the record straight, I have two children whom I have raised to adulthood, so I am also one of those people who doesn't have to rush into marriage to have a family. Been there, done that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Would like to bring up issue that I think is important...And I accidentally brought it up. Words vs. Actions.

Many of us in our prior m's experienced unpleasantness, to say the least, when our x's would say one thing and do the opposite...I know I could come up with quite a list myself...

I think that any of us that are considering dating or moving ahead, should really give alot of regard to actions vs. words. It's huge.

And as BS's we are vulernable. I know it. When somebody nice comes along, says the right things, makes a lb deposit in any way shape or form, we could mistake it for something else...and not see what's really going on. So I am asking today to challenge all of you here to seriously think if you accept any kind of a date, to carefully watch actions vs. their words.

Had somebody given me this concept years ago, I might not have made some of the decisions I did make...but then again, am blessed to have the most wonderful child ever as the result of one such decision. Nevertheless, if we do that, I think we'd have a huge advantage!

Has anybody had a sitch where the words and actions were opposite? Or has somebody out there who is and found somebody pretty darn good in the dating pool (can we say Lost Husband?) give a good explanation of how they first saw an example of words and actions meshing?

When you've had a LB sitting on zero for a while, (except for the wonderful stuff kindly given from friends and family), you can fall for words I think easily. And I just want us to have a good advantage...heck, I know that I am not good at dating. It confuses me to no end. And can't say that even on weekends when my son's not with me, I do prefer to curl up with a good book and a hot cup of tea in front of my fireplace.

And LostHusband, yea, I get it. I get what you're saying. And thank you btw...for the pictures! I forgot to thank you earlier so forgive me. You have still a few single years ahead of me bud...but I have learned. You found somebody and I am sooo glad. Both your backgrounds allowed you to grow and learn from what happened prior. It makes me smile knowing that it happened to a buddy of mine.

And valentine's day is around the corner, so I think maybe we could send out to our newly single friends here a nice valentine hello! Maybe we could start a "happy valentine friend" to our MB buddies here? It's hilarious. This is the first year I've really had anybody ask me out for the darn holiday. And now, it isn't as big to me as it was before. But I do wince sometimes when I hear those darn jewelry commercials...almost sooo sweet they're sickening.

So maybe we could get some good examples of "words vs. actions" so we could judge how others handled it. Anybody with thoughts on it? Examples?

I may not be online alot tonight as son's sick, so will try to read up a bit later this evening after he's alseep.

I should shoot GG a line about this one...on "VDay for the Divorced" thread she started.

I decided with my sign on bonus this year to buy myself a valentine's present. Bought myself my gemstone (birth month) ring. Yippee! I had actually sold my two very expensive rings last year (wedding and another diamond) when things got way too tough. Much less than the cost of the other rings...waaaaay less. And am going to go and buy son some clothes this week and valentine's candy bag (small bag with little candies in them...very inexpensive but fun to give out with his star wars valentines). I feel good!

Now to why in the heck this has something to do with the "dating...what a ride" deal...

The xbf is back.

Yea. As of last week, xbf asked me to go to lunch w/him (he was working evenings in ER). Went and it went great. And did plant a smackeroo on him when he tried...He called on early thurs. evening and expected son to be at x's house (knows how I am about son and dating ok?)but I told him I was keeping son longer due to cold. He was sorry to hear he's sick, but that he'd try again later.

Friday was later. He calls in the afternoon. He's tired from seeing patients all day but says "hey..let's go get something to eat, if you'd like to...and then we can play some new video games I got for my xbox". Now that's not terribly romantic, but hey..we're broken up still. I think about it and ask him to call back so I can decide. Said yes. Met him at my favorite restaurant in his neck of the woods. Again, talked for a good while. We're getting along fine. In the back of my mind is his roomate sitch (single roomate, guy, best friend, new med grad, thinks he rules the world)and whether or not xbf is sick of living like he was 25 again. Voila! His apt. is clean! Doesn't look like a bachelor, or 2 live there. He makes my favorite glass of wine, and we play video games. He is actually charming. When I was playing one game, he snuck around and lit a few candles (very un xbf like ok). We talked and talked and laughed a whole lot. He says that roommate is "getting better and calming down". Then he and I talk about things alot.

My LB jumped up quite a few points from being dead on zero. Now don't get me wrong, in the friends and family LB category, my bank is at full capacity. That's what has me worried. He made some allusions to wanting to do things like a few months ahead. He wanted to know my schedule for next week. At end of evening, when I said "whoa time to go", it was almost 2 am. He gave me quite the send off home...could make a nun sweat ok? (nothing bad...just a kiss ok).

He told me when we broke up a few months back (like almost five), alot of things. It was mutual btw. He admitted during the night that "well I guess I've missed you a little bit..peach, if I told you how I felt really, then you'd get the big head". And then he said he'd been really thinking alot about me lately and that yes, he did miss me. When we broke up, he said that if he and I ended up getting back together, it would be because he would want to have something permanent. And he said "don't be surprised if a few months from now I am begging you to take me back".

Afraid to get hopes up. I'm really scared on this one. Any ideas about what you think he's up to? He seemed very sincere. Guess I gotta check the words vs. actions department. As for the others, swiss is fired. The guy nearby, starbucks guy, is fine, but deep down the whole darn time I have missed a little my xbf. He was first person I really dated after my M. He knew and knows what's going on with me and never is judgemental or anything but supportive. Even when we broke up, we'd still talk.

No Valentine's day date as he's working 5-12 in ER. Bummer. But he said this..."it's kinda overrated anyway. I think we're handling this pretty cool...I mean, our second time seeing each other again, and we've got to start I guess, again, from somewhere." He said he's sorry he couldn't be around on Vday, and knew that during day I will be in corp. complaince with my new job. So neither of us will have time to see each other...

I know this is either stop or go for us. Right now, feels like green light! I did trust him, he was a good friend before we dated (coworker. Met in jan. 04 and were "just friends" until march 04 when he announced during dinner that it was a date and that he'd be picking up the tab instead of dutch). Now we're no longer coworkers. So that pressure is gone. So this is pretty cool.

Xbf spent most of night last night in er...we barely spoke today but he's really tired.

I would like to add, I need some prayer right now. A D and the stress that a D and disentegrating marriage can YES take a toll on your health. My blood pressure is markedly higher than had been say 2 years ago. It was high on friday at my employee physical. Systolic wasn't high, but the diastolic was. Since that day, took a complete turn around. Am getting ready to go to gym for an hour to workout, eating very very healthy, (usually my diet isn't all that bad anyway) and am using some herbal treatments and minerals to try to combat what I know is due to 3.5 years dealing with the stressors I have dealt with.

Let this be a wake up call to all of us on this board. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF. You have to when stress is slamming down on you occasionally. It's hard to begin your life again. Especially hard if you have kids, and even harder when your x leaves you with financial troubles.

Pray that this whole blood pressure issue was related to an issue regarding my son (one issue plus his having walking pneumonia) on friday. And having a stiletto wearing ow/w pick up your child in your face...pray it was just stress. And pray that through exercise, natural treatments will do it. We gotta hang tough for our kids, our families, and for ourselves. This new life we're entering is not for the faint hearted.

Prayers, good karma, good thoughts, whatever. PLEASE SHOOT EM' MY WAY. Instead of letting this freak me out as it might have done a few years back, I have decided to take the bull by the horns and do something about it NOW. Not wait. I saw the stress of my dad, who incidentally was also a BS, who worked 2 jobs for his children so we could go to the best schools, have his W stay at home, pay all the bills, never take a vacation, die before his time. While nothing else is wrong with me, I am not taking anything for granted.

So along with the prayers, good karma, and what not...I ask you to join me on this valentine's day and committ to your families your Love and HEALTH.

Are you with me? Let's gather here, maybe make a new thread called "divorce and my health" and let's heal ourselves inside and out. I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON OUT HERE WITH STRESS RELATED ISSUES. We can help each other out!