Ok. I've had it.

I would not under any circumstance even if she did NOT sleep with my then H, and shack up under same roof with my child in that home part time, ever be this woman's friend.

I have NEVER given the impression I want to be her friend. Note: Am a lady, do not engage in any conversation with her, but when she is present at the few joint gatherings involving my son, I am decent. Hello maybe exchanged by me.

She freaked out on me last fall after son's birthday and freaking out (I looked really good that day) assuming that I must want my x back because I 1)am single and 2)brought a guy friend (my son knows well and is and has only been a friend) with me along with another girlfriend of mine...background: xh lied and took his entire family, and OW/w's family and entire entourage to my son's birthday. I had to have somebody there as I wasn't going into enemy territory alone. I think she thought because I brought my friend who's a guy that I was trying in some wierd way to make x jealous...nope. I did not want to do that. Just wanted to have my friends there so x could leave me alone. She insulted my friend at the party (say..has anybody ever told you that you look like scott peterson?) and then freaked out because I told her that it was ironic SHE should say that or mention scott peterson...Called me up swearing and yelling at me for HER actions. Can we say psycho?

Since that time, she has done a few things wierdly. First of all, I have priivy knowledge my xh is cheating on her from his secretary's husband...so he's cheating and started almost asap from their marriage...so she's probably most insecure. She will on occasion send me the most STUPID EMAIL FORWARDS.

Niether about anything to do with my son or with the price of tea in china, they are stupid, childish, and one was even a joke email about men. Another was about getting intoxicated. After getting about five from her, I have begun deleting every one of them. Once she sent a "real" email about my son and the medicine the pediatrician gave him. That I read. I sent her a response back but based on the doctor visit and nothing else. Pure business. And I also copied it and sent it to the x, as I do not co parent with anybody else and that my x is who I do coparent with. NOT HER.

At Christmas time, I helped my son pick out two small presents to his half sister (child born almost outta wedlock by ow and xh.). I want my son to always be kind and loving to the child as I have NO bad feelings towards any child..it's not this baby's fault what her mom and dad did. I am sweet about her and always tell son to help out and be a good brother to her. The presents were from my son to his half sister. Not from me. I get this thank you note handwritten from ow saying "We really thank you for her presents." She always tries to intervene and thinks anything illicits interaction between she and I. It does not. I did not respond. I don't.

When I do get her ridiculous emails, they look as if they were written by a 15 year old girl with rainbow wallpaper in the background.

I am personally sick of having to reinforce the fact..which is well known by both xh and ow/w that I only want to deal with X in regards to child rearing. And that she is not involved in my life at all. Any thing she says or does about my son I will immediately forward to xh. He knows I don't parent with her. What part of no does she not understand?

I get the fact the OW now his W, is insecure.

I get the fact the OW/W is upset that I am single, attractive, and a good mom. That I am not the witch she would like to think I am. That I am the responsible parent.

I also understand her xbf and father of her oc, is remarried and they're one happy twisted unmarried undivorced immoral family. She's friends with her xbf's W. Well sort of...what I understand is it's a catty relationship.

I also get the fact that if I WOULD ONLY JUST ACKNOWLEGE their affair marriage and be friends, that it would make everything ok in the eyes of the world.

I choose to never do that. I will never.

I do not permanently block her from my email list in case their is a REAL email from her about my son...2 years ago, although she was lying that she was not preggers and not living with my x, she did call me one time and let my x have it and spilled all about how he was gone all the time...for custody matters or future custody matters, I don't block her. I just don't read them unless it's something I need to save.

ARE YOU SICK OF THIS HAPPENING TO YOU? ARE YIOU SICK AND TIRED OF OP THAT WANT TO GET YOU TO ACCEPT THEM? Are you sick of this like I am? I refuse to acknowlege the affair marriage my xh has with this woman. I am NOT her friend.

She is somebody who temporarily shares the home with my xh. She is somebody who will most likely be in my son's life for only a few more years..until she figures out she could get some bucks if she divorces him or until he kicks her to the curb for his OWomen out there...which he's already seeing on the sly. I personally, even if I didn't know her, wouldn't be friends with somebody who slept around with married men, deliberately got preggers outta wedlock several times, was a men's magazine model, and had the iq of a rock.

When do the OP get it through their foggy little heads that we don't wish them ill. We wish them nothing. They aren't a part of my life. My x is a co parent with me and that's that. Nothing else. They don't exist to me except for my x being my son's bio dad.

I do not block her completely as I have permanently saved her emails about "men" and "beer goggles" which show her attitudes about free sex and alcohol...in case I need a custody hearing in the next year or so. And I don't block her in case she wants to "spill" again about my xh being a bad dad and how he left all the time all night. (did that when she was pregnant and out with monkeyho, ow#1) It may not be good, but hey...I protect my back. Somebody has to watch the backs of my son and I.

Why can't these OP just be happy with their new lives and leave us alone? I personally am happy with my life now. But it disturbs my peace when I see a frivolous email sent to me from a woman, an adulteress, who has placed me on her "buddy" list. It makes me wonder how many other "buddies" husbands has she slept with? With "buddies" like that who needs enemies?

Yea, this is a huge vent. A biggie.

Blocking works.

Peachy-

You know she wants to be buddies because she wants to ease her guilt. If you accept her, then the affair was for the best right? To add to that she is getting a taste of her own medicine and maybe hoping that she can buddy of with you to get some dirt on him. Either way you owe her nothing.

Stick to your guns. Block or delete, you choose. Ignore her and she will go away, although it may take awhile as she isn't the brightest bulb in the box!

Take care and God bless!
K

Tell her hubby is cheating on her now too. That'll stop the unwanted emails.

Why even waste any time or energy thinking about her - or trying to figure out her actions??? Why bother?

Thanks...I would block, but can say that I did save one or two from her that showed her real character and lack of. The ones on "men" and "beer goggles". Other than that, I am just p.o'd that she'd even pop up on my screen.

Yea, I am not going to give in to her and validate their affair marriage. Nope. Never will. Never gonna.

However, Too Involved, I am not going to go off half cocked and say he's cheating. She probably already knows. It's not my place. It's their problem. Not mine. Last thing I want is a stupid, angry former OW/W on my back or being more glue that keeps their tawdry sham of a marriage together. Nope. I am not gonna be their glue.

And if I don't engage, then they implode basically on one another. That's what I've been doing. Nothing. Unless it firmly is about son and then I firmly tell x it only involves his input. Or finances. And that involves x input only.

I am just mad. Just venting because she cannot "get it". Not at all. Not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

Hey Peach,

You didn't write whether or not you tried this, but ... why don't you tell her that you would prefer she not include you on any non-child related emails. Tell her to please remove you from her email buddy list.

It's easy to see her motives are for everyone to be one big happy family <gag>. But I believe if you simply tell her to remove you from all email correspondence with the exception of emails regarding your son, she'd do it.

Best,
Jo

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 01:00 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Peachy:

Big 2x4 coming your way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The stupid and frivolous e-mails have nothing to do with her but everything to do with YOU. They continue to trigger the hurt and pain you experience with Jethro. You've moved on, but you've never let go. When triggered the hurt and pain control you. Can't you see she is the one that is controlling you?

Your continued passive-agressive approach to her e-mails continues to provoke her need to control you and she continues to send you e-mails. You can't control her and you certainly can't control her sending the e-mails. Even if you block them, she will just find another way to communicate with you. Would you rather she start phoning??

You've got to work through this Peachy and let go of the hurt and pain that is controlling you. You attempt to control the situation by refusing to acknowledge her as Jethro's wife. This is where you have to just let go and accept it. Acknowledge the marriage. Let her know that she has won. You've already lost Jethro. You've got nothing else to lose.

By acknowledging the marriage, you'll be letting her know that she can't control you. You'll let her know that she no longer bothers you and no matter what she does she cannot get to you.

And regardless of what you feel about her coparenting your son, the fact is your exH is allowing it. And you can't control that either. There's an old saying that says, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

This whole (menage-a-trois) situation between you, exH and his wife is a powder keg waiting to blow. I encourage you to work with it by not lighting the fuse.

Your relationship with Jethro was extremely painful. Don't let it continue to be. After all you came out smelling like a rose and you have your wonderful son. What more could you want?


Peace.

I'm with Faith on this one.
2x4

Full Fledged Faith1960!
I'm sorry too peachy, but reading your vent reminded me of situaitons when I have the problem turned inside out... I'm running around stammering "Why don't THEY get IT?! What MORE CAN I DO to make THEM see?"
When the problem is really that *I* don't get it, that I am the one who needs to see.
It's frustrating.
BUt I agree wtih Faith, and she worded it wonderfully!
The truth is your H cheated and married OW who is now his wife. That's the truth, like it or not. YOu have a choice, accept it and move on, or spend too much energy fighting the reality of the situation and be enraged by little things like harmless (albe they annoying) emails that really do'nt change one thing or another.
So, she's not your type of person. So, you can't control your XH's choice in women, or the fact that he seems to delegate some parenting that is his responsibility to you. I say, be glad she cares. You are all one family-- might as well make the best of it, even if it is only temporary.
If it's any consolation, she could be worse...my X cheated and married a herion addict... if you don't think THAT drove me crazy-- my son having to know someone with a drug problem! yEah, that was GREAT. Especially when she had no tact, was highly emotional and completely non-reflective... That fact that he gave me up for someone so snivling and helpless, greasy and anorexic-looking...someone so unhealthy that was in no way shape or form suuitable company for our son...someone who imagined they had this great love story, when clearly he and I had a bond that was made of some substance... I know where you're at. It's hard to treat his choice seriously because it feels you're condoning what he's done-- condoning your own pain.
But somehow, I found the grace to acept it, to accept her, to read her letters, open gifts she sent my son, and keep in mind that there was nothing I could do but behave myself the best I could(and keep communication short and sweet). I have to say that she behaved in kind, and told me one day that she really admired me (what a weird feeling that was.)
In reality you are showing you're grown up, appropriate, and have a lot of class.
Lucy

Not spilling the beans is probably smarter, nicer and holier. Good for you! But I'm not sure I could be be so good.

Peachy,

I know that you don't want to acknowledge their marriage as valid--but it is--maybe not in the eyes of God--but it is by the state--which in this world is all that matters--

Now, honestly, I think you should let her know just because you acknowledge their marriage doesn't mean you want to be best buddies with her--and that you would appreciate her not e-mailing your forwards of any kind.

And as far as for those who feel the need to keep YOU informed of your EX-HUSBANDS personal life--
just let them know--"It isn't YOUR concern anymore
and you have the divorce papers to prove it" but you could let them know that they should inform HIS NEW WIFE so that she can do whatever she wants with that information---

Peachy,

Your post is filled with harmful emotions. Harmful to you, not anyone else. Your son's father has been married for some time now...yet you refuse to acknowledge the fact that he is. You cling to his wrong doing and the past so very strongly. How are you going to cope with it if they are together 10 years from now? Are you going to waste all of those years waiting for them to split, only to not have it happen? You need to ask yourself, what are you getting out of all this hate?? What good purpose is it serving you? You can't even get yourself to type that he is married and that he has a wife. Don't you think this is a huge denial on your part?

JETHRO IS MARRIED.
HE HAS A WIFE.
HE HAS A CHILD WITH HIS WIFE WHILE MARRIED.

Try repeating the above outloud until you can say it without reserve. It will only help you move on with YOUR life!!!

Some of the quotes from your post that you should read and think about...

"(I looked really good that day) assuming that I must want my x back because I 1)am single and 2)brought a guy friend (my son knows well and is and has only been a friend) with me along with another girlfriend of mine" Are you insecure about your looks? Work on LOVING yourself Peachy. She might be prettier than you, but who cares?? She isn't half the woman you are!!

"(say..has anybody ever told you that you look like scott peterson?) and then freaked out because I told her that it was ironic SHE should say that or mention scott peterson...Called me up swearing and yelling at me for HER actions. Can we say psycho?" Why do you continue to play these games with her? You used the opportunity to rub it in her face about her affair. Get over it already. It's in the past. Focus on YOU and your life, not how you can insult her. You'll be happier for it.

"child born almost outta wedlock by ow and xh.)"
This one is truly sad. Why can't you leave that poor baby alone? You unsuccessfully attempt to veil your insults about their baby with kind words. The ugliness shows through Peachy. Stop trying to make it seem like there is something faulty or not good about their baby. This is low of you and shows your ugly side. (we all have an ugly side, but need to work on not feeding it) You're feeding yours.

"I get the fact the OW/W is upset that I am single, attractive, and a good mom. That I am not the witch she would like to think I am. That I am the responsible parent.

I also understand her xbf and father of her oc, is remarried and they're one happy twisted unmarried undivorced immoral family. She's friends with her xbf's W. Well sort of...what I understand is it's a catty relationship." More words to make yourself feel better. When are you going to stop this crap and look at yourself Peachy???

I know this is harsh. I hope you see the person that you are becoming in your quotes. Take a good look at yourself before you turn into some old, cynical, unhappy woman for the rest of your days. It's not too late. You're stronger than this Peachy. You're a Christian. Please, for your own good, try and acknowledge that there is some good in your ex and his wife.

Please take this in the spirit it was given...which was only to try and turn you from the deep, dark pit of negativity that you are going towards.

Please take this in the spirit it was given...which was only to try and turn you from the deep, dark pit of negativity that you are going towards.

I fear that this pit is bottomless. Nothing has changed at all in the years that peachy has been posting.

I use to get aggravated that she would go on and on about her X and his W. I would get aggravated because the next sentence would be ..."I'm moving on and I'm over him". That is the farthest thing from the truth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Her life would be empty without all this drama.

Now, I feel nothing but pity for her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It is obvious that she cannot move on.

JMHO
committed

Peachy, I'm writing because I've always admired your straightforward, no holds barred honesty. When I read the criticism aimed at the way you're handling this situation, I feel even less willing to be as honest as you are.

I hear your vent. I understand the need for a safe place to just unleash all the venom that builds up sometimes so it doesn't eat us up from the inside. Then we can release it and move on. This is what I've seen you doing, over and over. You blow up, let it out here, not at XH and W(FOW) and most definitely not at OC. It's all part of the process of moving on.

I know what it's like coming out of a marriage where we did all we could do to save it while suffering major emotionally abuse in the process. Paradoxically, it seems the worse the situation was, the harder it is to get over.

There's nothing I'd like more than to feel total indifference. I don't know if I ever will. I'm guessing you feel the same. In the meantime, I say, go ahead and vent here where there are people who understand, where it's safe, where it doesn't do any harm, where you can get support, and where you can let go and keep on moving on.

Peachy,

Go ahead and write what you feel....we can only keep hoping to reach a place where they don't matter any more.

I definitely understand the feelings...and I don't think it is unusual. They are right in that we can't let them consume us--but your life was drastically changed by their actions...and if someone thinks you can just easily accept and move on....they are the ones who obviously have no idea how your life has been affected.

It is ok to vent...and if not here...where????
I can tell you right now, I will never be friends or even associated with my ex's bimbo...and I have definitely told her under no circumstances will I accept an email from her for any reason any more. She has attacked me on more than one occasion without ever knowing me. I didn't ask for her in my life or my childrens' lives....she barged right in and now wants to be accepted. Nope!!! Why do people assume that you should be able to do that? Yuck....with friends like that, who needs enemies? I have plenty of friends, thank you...and I never would have picked her for a friend or confident anyway.

It is interesting to me the different viewpoints people have based on whether they were the spouse left or the spouse who has found a "new love". I have been divorced 4 years almost---the sight of them together still hurts...and I am not sure it will ever go away entirely.....a friend of mine that did leave her husband to this day doesn't understand why her ex can't be friends with them. She has said to me on more than one occasion "well, he just has to move on and focus on what is best for the kids. He is dating someone now anyway." I want to hit her over the head when she says this.

I think Peachy has done really well for such a trama....and eventually, hopefully, she will find someone new that fills her with hope and love and provides her with the life that has been stolen from her.

None of us should criticise...unless you have been there.....JMOHO Pat

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is ok to vent...and if not here...where???? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is a BIG difference in "venting" and making it a way of life.

For some people the constant "venting" keeps them from being able to let go and move on.

"Venting" is not always a good thing IMHO.

There was a really good thread on EN explaining the "venting" concept.

It would sure come in handy over here.

Ok...found it...

Venting Anger

committed

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 08:42 PM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

Those were good posts. I disagree with some of it though. For years, I didn't vent...I kept all of the hurt and anger and pain inside.....and it attacked my body and made me physically sick. They thought at one point I had Lupus.

Now....I appear to be getting arthritis....stress is not good for you. I do try and exercise...and I admit I do vent here....and I thank you all for letting me release some of the intense feelings I have about this whole situation. It releases me from the anger...so that I can carry on with my real life with my kids and my students.

I have made a lot of progress...as I think Peachy has also...and like I said, eventually we will all like to feel indifference to the people that have caused such a turmoil in our lives. I think some people are able to get over things easier...and it is harder for others of us. Thank heavens for these forums where we can let some of these intense emotions go. I still maintain, I don't think these feelings are unusual and for some of us, they just may take longer for them to subside.

Pat

I have been reading here for years. Just a recent member.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Jethro separated from Peachy when he started seeing his new W ? I thought he left for a different woman not the one he married ??

Also wasn't Jethro separated from his first W when Peachy started dating him ?

What would be the difference?

I followed Peachy because of her "Medical" references. My H is a Physician and I am also a Health professional.

As far as the "OC" I think this is horrible. This is NOT a other child. This child was born in Jethros 3rd marriage to her mother. As far a God blessing marriages, would that not be the FIRST marriage? Or does God just Bless the marriages of those on MBers???
I dont mean to be nasty, but I am married to my 2nd H. I feel God has blessed my marriage. My first H was not faithful and I did try to "make the marriage work" but he just like to set a bad example for the kids (you know just like Jethro) when I did divorce I never looked back.

You know Peachy, maybe thats why my XH (who now claims to be "Born again") live in GF for 6 years is so jealous. I JUST DONT CARE I keep all communation by email and I never call. If there is a miscommunication HE loses. My kids are older so they can now communicate with their dad
But thats how I kept it.

Peachy, it is very obvious that Jethros new W (3rd) does not have any class. DO NOT lower yourself to her level. BLOCK her email. If it is important I am sure you will get a call.

I hope the references stop about her being the OW and the baby the OC. Because if Jethro's divorce from his first W was not final that is what you and your son are (Which of course I will admit is silly). Move forward Peachy you are better than this.
SOM

Hi SOM,

I copied this from Peachy's sig tag line:

"eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/26/03. OC born 3/17/04."

The above indicates that Jethro's current wife became pregnant before Jethro's divorce with Peachy was final. In my mind, that would indeed make the child an OC as Peachy and Jethro were still married when she was conceived.

Jo