I agree with committedandlovingit, there's a big difference between "venting" and making it a way of life and, IMHO, peachy is venting. That's how I read it and that's how I relate to it.

I read the EN thread on venting and there were several interesting points. The one I related to most was that venting my feelings allows them to be transformed so that I can see the situation in a whole different light. Whether it's seeing the humor or gaining some kind of self-understanding, it helps me get to a better place.

I lived with a rager - that kind of anger based on projection and blame most definitely feeds on itself and seems to give the rager a kind of emotional "high". What I think of as "venting" and what I see in Peachy's vent is honestly expressing feelings in a supportive atmosphere - rather than lashing back at the person who hurt us - in order dissipate the feelings enough to be able to see the situation calmly and rationally.

Reslient

I know that Jethro got her pregnant before the D was final, but Peachy and Jethro had not been working on a reconcilation they had been separated for awhile (over a year if I remember correctly)? AND she was not the woman he left for there was someone else.
By your standard Peachy and I would be considered Other women as well, thus the 2 kids in my marriage even though born a few years into it oldest after 2 years of M and youngest 5 1/2 years into it as well as Peachy son would also be other children correct?

See I dont see how the rules change here.
Jethro was NOT divorced when Peachy started dating him. My H was not divorced when I started dating him but like family values my H was no way reconciling it was way over.

I never saw myself as the Other woman. BUT his XW saw me as a threat of her not getting him back (even though he made it clear before me it was not gonna happen). So because of this am I the other woman ? would it make a difference if she did not want to reconcile? where does the definition begin?

If by virture it is a blanket " well the divorce was not final" so yes you are the OW" then Peachy was ALSO the Other woman. I dont mean to be difficult I am truly trying to figure this out. Mainly because of the anger and nastiness that is brought against a very ignorant young mother and a little girl. I am much older and if my H had any children with his XW I too would try to be cordial. But that is just the way I am.

Is this the marriage builder View cuz if it is I am on the wrong website?

Movin on, I know exactly what you are talking about with "stress" When I was married to my first H they worked me up for Lupus thought I had a respiratory disorder I was on so many meds
I moved on and it was like I was reborn. I have not taken a med in 10 years. Stress can kick ones Butt.

Peachy I am not trying to hurt you. It seems life has given you enough 2 X 4's But I just dont get the hypocrasy in the situations.
Is it because you and I did not become pregnant until the marriage it saved us from the Other woman title and our children from being OW?

I think if you cut the girl some slack she is so young and it appears she is trying. It also appears she has had no luck with men and you know she will be devestated when she has her d-day. She will have 2 young kids and jethro to deal with while she copes with that pain. She does not have the maturity or the grace you have to cope. She will forever have your sons baby sister. I can tell you I love watching my older kids with the babies. Don't take that from your son or your sons sister. I Love watching my baby running to her older brother. It does not matter that they are 1/2 sibs the love is still there.

I wish only the best for Peachy. I hope she can get over the name calling, especially when it comes to an 11 month old child.
SOM

....and eventually, hopefully, she will find someone new that fills her with hope and love and provides her with the life that has been stolen from her.

Unfortunately that is not likely to happen until she gets over her XH, AND when she becomes happy with herself.

I do not think that finding someone new is going to be what it takes.

She needs to measure herself on her own personal worth...and not measure herself on the number of men that she has "dated" since her divorce...or the number of men that might be pursuing her on any given day.

If women focus on themselves...and find happiness while being single...love has a way of finding them.

Some people try too hard to find love and it escapes them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

JMHO
committed

Thank you for your responses to the vent. I would like to add that I spoke with my best friend and after our call, I sent email to ow/w (who YES was OW and was sleeping with x during our marriage and time living together. In fact there were MULTIPLE OW...found about more last year in fact without even wanting to know..)and requested that I would appreciate in the future if my xh would communicate with me via email concerning our son or any residual issues (usually financial) that he do so. And also if he is unavailable, she is able to contact me but about only info regarding my son, and only if x is unavailable. I didn't go on, just was decent and succinct.

Incidentally, I began dating my xh when we were both in our early 20's. He told me he was divorced and showed me papers. She was and had been living OUT OF STATE for about six months by that time. No contact ever, except one phone call once about a car. And that happened three years later. I am not, and will not be an OW. He lied and said it was final. Everybody in my family and EVEN IN HIS FAMILY believed it to be final...or else they might not have acted back then, as friendly. No kids, no big property. She left six months prior to me. Now as for his new W, she is one of his OW that he saw DURING OUR M. And that's not cool. Unlike what happened with me, they knew he was still married. And then when we had barely separated, he moved OW2 in with him. OW1 lived in our home state and he saw both of them for quite some time. We tried for a year before I finally filed for divorce after d days. Stressedoutmom, I understand how you could see this side, but you don't get it. The new W, and former OW is NOT naive. She's anything but. She was a predator and was before meeting my xh. I don't have really anything to say that's nice about someone who deliberately gets pregnant, not once, but twice in their life in order to "advance" a relationship as she did twice. In both instances, she moved in with men. And was not married. Her background is questionable and is her prior professions which I would hardly call professional. So I hope that answers your questions.

I encourage my son to be nice to his half sister. He is always telling me how he is a nice helper, as I know he's a wonderful child and a good boy.

I do agree with some suggestions here and took that necessary action so I can have peace of mind and not be baraged by her emails. In fact, today took son to pediatrician as he was feeling really bad. Turns out it's a yucky upper respiratory thing...(second time in 2 weeks at doc)and I called x to say that I'd be glad to keep son another day so that he's on antibiotics a full 24 hours before going near the baby. He thanked me for having that thoughtfulness. I don't have any problems with any child. Kids are kids. They don't ask for anything in this world but love, caring, nuturing, and a good home. And my xh's oc certainly deserves all of that and more. No child is responsible for any actions of their parent or guardian.

And to committed...I honestly can't remember when 1)you wrote to ME and didn't talk about me when you replied. Incidentally, you really don't usually reply to me...just "about me".

2)Your words about ME and I quote:(again somebody you don't know) " She needs to measure herself on her own personal worth...and not measure herself on the number of men that she has "dated" since her divorce...or the number of men that might be pursuing her on any given day.

If women focus on themselves...and find happiness while being single...love has a way of finding them."

It's sounding like you're saying indirectly that I don't have a way of having love in my life and that's very very wrong.

Well I do have love. And I've focused on my son and on myself and our survival. My friends, my friends here, my family, and above all my son and my God all do in fact love me. I don't measure my life success by whom I have dated. Not at all. My success is shown by my being a good mom and being darn good at what I do professionally, and by simply having enough cajones to make it thru three years of nothing less than an uphill challenge....I think I have focused on myself. Have found happiness. Still will work on me, and any residuals left, but hey...aren't most of us here on this board doing that? If I didn't have triggers (like her stupid emails), then I might be very unusual for being a BS. And regarding my personal life, I can certainly say that there have been a few here who have jumped immediately into another relationship and married instantly after divorcing. Not me. It's daunting. I don't really get how people do it well these days with so many other life areas to deal with..so I post sometimes about the questions or issues I've had knowing maybe others have had them too. And I will question, and ask, and wonder until I get that part of my life down too.

It is just wierd how somebody could reply, but not TO YOU. Instead, reply ABOUT you to OTHER people.

I am blessed. I had a huge job issue regarding a contract that was resolved thanks to friends, prayers, and the ability to not stay frozen and stick my head in the sand like an ostrich when issues come my way...that is huge. Got a better job. Am slowly having son around even more. I have quite a few friends now and life's ok. Not near perfect, but ok compared to along time ago.

I thank those who have given me good suggestions about how to handle the email issue and I want you to know that I was quite angry during that vent. In re-reading my wording of my initial post, I see how I did need to immediately address this and positively. I also saw how I needed to rethink a few issues that are needed for me to keep having good days and keep my focus ahead instead of negatively dealing with triggers about my past when the OW's emails show up. Those thoughts were helpful as well as appreciated and did make me rethink a few issues and I gladly stand corrected on some points.

Thank you for your responses to the vent. I would like to add that I spoke with my best friend and after our call, I sent email to ow/w (who YES was OW and was sleeping with x during our marriage and time living together. In fact there were MULTIPLE OW...found about more last year in fact without even wanting to know..)and requested that I would appreciate in the future if my xh would communicate with me via email concerning our son or any residual issues (usually financial) that he do so. And also if he is unavailable, she is able to contact me but about only info regarding my son, and only if x is unavailable. I didn't go on, just was decent and succinct.

Incidentally, I began dating my xh when we were both in our early 20's. He told me he was divorced and showed me papers. She was and had been living OUT OF STATE for about six months by that time. No contact ever, except one phone call once about a car. And that happened three years later. I am not, and will not be an OW. He lied and said it was final. Everybody in my family and EVEN IN HIS FAMILY believed it to be final...or else they might not have acted back then, as friendly. No kids, no big property. She left six months prior to me. Now as for his new W, she is one of his OW that he saw DURING OUR M. And that's not cool. Unlike what happened with me, they knew he was still married. And then when we had barely separated, he moved OW2 in with him. OW1 lived in our home state and he saw both of them for quite some time. We tried for a year before I finally filed for divorce after d days. Stressedoutmom, I understand how you could see this side, but you don't get it. The new W, and former OW is NOT naive. She's anything but. She was a predator and was before meeting my xh. I don't have really anything to say that's nice about someone who deliberately gets pregnant, not once, but twice in their life in order to "advance" a relationship as she did twice. In both instances, she moved in with men. And was not married. Her background is questionable and is her prior professions which I would hardly call professional. So I hope that answers your questions.

I encourage my son to be nice to his half sister. He is always telling me how he is a nice helper, as I know he's a wonderful child and a good boy.

I do agree with some suggestions here and took that necessary action so I can have peace of mind and not be baraged by her emails. In fact, today took son to pediatrician as he was feeling really bad. Turns out it's a yucky upper respiratory thing...(second time in 2 weeks at doc)and I called x to say that I'd be glad to keep son another day so that he's on antibiotics a full 24 hours before going near the baby. He thanked me for having that thoughtfulness. I don't have any problems with any child. Kids are kids. They don't ask for anything in this world but love, caring, nuturing, and a good home. And my xh's oc certainly deserves all of that and more. No child is responsible for any actions of their parent or guardian.

And to committed...I honestly can't remember when 1)you wrote to ME and didn't talk about me when you replied. Incidentally, you really don't usually reply to me...just "about me".

2)Your words about ME and I quote:(again somebody you don't know) " She needs to measure herself on her own personal worth...and not measure herself on the number of men that she has "dated" since her divorce...or the number of men that might be pursuing her on any given day.

If women focus on themselves...and find happiness while being single...love has a way of finding them."

It's sounding like you're saying indirectly that I don't have a way of having love in my life and that's very very wrong.

Well I do have love. And I've focused on my son and on myself and our survival. My friends, my friends here, my family, and above all my son and my God all do in fact love me. I don't measure my life success by whom I have dated. Not at all. My success is shown by my being a good mom and being darn good at what I do professionally, and by simply having enough cajones to make it thru three years of nothing less than an uphill challenge....I think I have focused on myself. Have found happiness. Still will work on me, and any residuals left, but hey...aren't most of us here on this board doing that? If I didn't have triggers (like her stupid emails), then I might be very unusual for being a BS. And regarding my personal life, I can certainly say that there have been a few here who have jumped immediately into another relationship and married instantly after divorcing. Not me. It's daunting. I don't really get how people do it well these days with so many other life areas to deal with..so I post sometimes about the questions or issues I've had knowing maybe others have had them too. And I will question, and ask, and wonder until I get that part of my life down too.

It is just wierd how somebody could reply, but not TO YOU. Instead, reply ABOUT you to OTHER people.

I am blessed. I had a huge job issue regarding a contract that was resolved thanks to friends, prayers, and the ability to not stay frozen and stick my head in the sand like an ostrich when issues come my way...that is huge. Got a better job. Am slowly having son around even more. I have quite a few friends now and life's ok. Not near perfect, but ok compared to along time ago.

I thank those who have given me good suggestions about how to handle the email issue and I want you to know that I was quite angry during that vent. In re-reading my wording of my initial post, I see how I did need to immediately address this and positively. I also saw how I needed to rethink a few issues that are needed for me to keep having good days and keep my focus ahead instead of negatively dealing with triggers about my past when the OW's emails show up. Those thoughts were helpful as well as appreciated and did make me rethink a few issues and I gladly stand corrected on some points.

StressedMom,
You said exactly what I was thinking. Jetho's baby girl is NOT an OC! What a crock of ****. Peachy and her x were not living together, or even trying to be a couple when the baby was conceived. And most importantly, her parents were wed when she was born. Calling innocent children names shows a black heartedness that is hard to understand. It's not only getting into the gutter, it's rolling around in it and attempting to pass it off to others that it's a fine place to be.

"It is interesting to me the different viewpoints people have based on whether they were the spouse left or the spouse who has found a "new love". "

Not really Missouri. People who do not want to be a victim come through tough events in their life much faster and easier. I was a BW at one time in my life, and was left for the OW. My children were very, very young at the time. I didn't waste my energy wanting sympathy and playing the victim. I focussed on my babies and myself and can honestly say hit the all important stage of "not caring" about my x in a year. You aren't doing anyone here a favor by allowing them to remain stuck in their victim status and mindframe. YOU ARE HURTING THEM. If you truly care about a person, don't encourage them to stay stuck in a negative, draining, nonproductive mindset for years.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And to committed...I honestly can't remember when 1)you wrote to ME and didn't talk about me when you replied. Incidentally, you really don't usually reply to me...just "about me".
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have responded TO you before.

You do not respond well to people that don't coddle you. I do not coddle.

I think that is why I post to the newer posters who haven't seen that yet.

Anyone that has been here for a while knows how you are with your postings.

I guess they will learn in time...since it never seems to change.

committed

how in the heck have you answered anything at all regarding the issue I asked about? Nothing. Nothing at all. You posted about me. Not to me. No way you think would be a positive way to solve anything.

If you have positive thoughts, then add them. If you have another approach in resolving an issue, then add them.

I have re read your posts a few times. It's different from getting a two by four and really reading it. From somebody who addresses the issue at hand and given good advice, but hard to digest. In a perfect world, we'd all be agreed with, but I know it's not. I thanked the ones who did write the replies that made me rethink my points. And I did what I needed to do. But saying you pity somebody? That's really negative.

And to loved...It is wonderful and I can guess by your sig line you are in a R now. That's great. But you're wrong. You don't know what happened in my life. My x attempted several times (during when he was secretly living with ow, but seeing others at same time) to come back briefly but couldn't stick to fidelity and moved further away. I think it's great that you moved into recovery so quickly. Not sure how long you were married, but most experts agree that moving on is something like this...it takes one year for every 2 years you're together. And it also depends on other circumstances too. In the end, I went thru alot of cruelty at his hand. And it varies from person to person. But I wish you the best. And know, I have done on many occasions, many things for the child. She's a wonderful little girl. My son is encouraged by me to love her, and be a good helper. Many times I've thought and wondered and I do pray she is not touched by anything negative in that home. All children are blessings. They are. It is the actions of the parents that are bad only. Never posted about it before, but one day in the future, I could say that I would not be opposed to adoptions as one of my best friends just adopted a little precious girl from China back home. Blackhearted people don't (without anybody asking) give their son's favorite toddler toys in mint condition away (to the baby), or give gifts (from son) on Christmas so that son feels like he's doing something special for her. I don't and would never blame that child for anything.

Again, if you have some ideas about further handlings of emails, I'd love to hear them.

Committed...I think this sums up your feelings for me ...and I'm using your own words :

"I think that is why I post to the newer posters who haven't seen that yet.

Anyone that has been here for a while knows how you are with your postings.

I guess they will learn in time...since it never seems to change."

So what is it positive you're trying to do? How have you tried to honestly be helping, whether positively or with some other point of view, not positive, but helpful?

You admit here that you post to people who I haven't written to yet. Or who haven't been on here long? And why? So you can say something negative about somebody who came to MB to get thru a tough time in their life?

That's not what we are here to do.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StressedOutMom:
<strong> Reslient

I know that Jethro got her pregnant before the D was final, but Peachy and Jethro had not been working on a reconcilation they had been separated for awhile (over a year if I remember correctly)? AND she was not the woman he left for there was someone else.

By your standard Peachy and I would be considered Other women as well, thus the 2 kids in my marriage even though born a few years into it oldest after 2 years of M and youngest 5 1/2 years into it as well as Peachy son would also be other children correct?

See I dont see how the rules change here.
Jethro was NOT divorced when Peachy started dating him. My H was not divorced when I started dating him but like family values my H was no way reconciling it was way over.

I never saw myself as the Other woman. BUT his XW saw me as a threat of her not getting him back (even though he made it clear before me it was not gonna happen). So because of this am I the other woman ? would it make a difference if she did not want to reconcile? where does the definition begin?

If by virture it is a blanket " well the divorce was not final" so yes you are the OW" then Peachy was ALSO the Other woman. I dont mean to be difficult I am truly trying to figure this out. Mainly because of the anger and nastiness that is brought against a very ignorant young mother and a little girl. I am much older and if my H had any children with his XW I too would try to be cordial. But that is just the way I am.

Is this the marriage builder View cuz if it is I am on the wrong website?

Movin on, I know exactly what you are talking about with "stress" When I was married to my first H they worked me up for Lupus thought I had a respiratory disorder I was on so many meds
I moved on and it was like I was reborn. I have not taken a med in 10 years. Stress can kick ones Butt.

Peachy I am not trying to hurt you. It seems life has given you enough 2 X 4's But I just dont get the hypocrasy in the situations.
Is it because you and I did not become pregnant until the marriage it saved us from the Other woman title and our children from being OW?

I think if you cut the girl some slack she is so young and it appears she is trying. It also appears she has had no luck with men and you know she will be devestated when she has her d-day. She will have 2 young kids and jethro to deal with while she copes with that pain. She does not have the maturity or the grace you have to cope. She will forever have your sons baby sister. I can tell you I love watching my older kids with the babies. Don't take that from your son or your sons sister. I Love watching my baby running to her older brother. It does not matter that they are 1/2 sibs the love is still there.

I wish only the best for Peachy. I hope she can get over the name calling, especially when it comes to an 11 month old child.
SOM </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi SOM,

More than not, the people on this site [mostly BS] ARE indeed trying to not only survive an affair but also recover their marriages even when the WS feels that it's "OVER" and there is no chance. The people involved with their WS's ARE considered OPs, and if a child is conceived while they are still married, those children are considered OCs.

The first time my husband had an affair (separated 1.5 years) he fathered two children with two diff women. He "thought" we were over also. But predictably, as most affairs do, it ended and he wanted me and the marriage back. Those women he had affairs with were OWs and their children ARE OCs.

Have you had a chance to read any of Harley's books or the literature on this site?

If you go visit/read on the Infidelity/General Questions II board, you'll see that what I have explained is accurate. You'll also see how BS are trying to survive affairs and recover their marriages by following Harley's principles despite the WS touting the marriage is dead/over.

Jo

<small>[ February 09, 2005, 06:38 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong> Committed...I think this sums up your feelings for me ...and I'm using your own words :

"I think that is why I post to the newer posters who haven't seen that yet.

Anyone that has been here for a while knows how you are with your postings.

I guess they will learn in time...since it never seems to change."

So what is it positive you're trying to do? How have you tried to honestly be helping, whether positively or with some other point of view, not positive, but helpful?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have tried to figure out what tweaks me about your postings and it has suddenly dawned on me.

It is the pretension in your posts and your words. I have been responding to that and what do I care about that? Nothing...absolutely nothing.

Just because your posts have a question doesn't mean that it really needs an answer. Nor does it mean that I need to be the self appointed pretension police.

So, let this last post from me assure you that I will no longer be involving myself in ANY manner with them.

An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.

I can't believe that I didn't recognize it sooner...my bad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

committed

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, let this last post from me assure you that I will no longer be involving myself in ANY manner with them.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please, take a moment and review the Rules, Policies, and Disclaimers you agreed to when you signed up for membership here.

Rules, Policies, and Disclaimers

Take note of this section:

You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this BB to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, ....etc.

Magnolia

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 12:21 AM: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</small>

Reslient
I have read and I own two of his books.
I have been married several years to my H.

I came to this site to stop an affair from happening--Mine
Being a BW (like Peachy) in my first marriage
to a serial cheater I know what it does to families. But living with a serious workaholic and feeling ignored brings its toll.

Peachy I am sorry Jethro lied about being divorced to you. It must have been a real blow marrying him THEN finding out he was a liar especially about something so serious.
I hope his W gets the message.
SOM

Wow. I leave to go and take care of my son who's really sick and this happens? That stuff there definitely creeped me out. I kinda think it's funny though. It's a hoot that anybody thinks I am pretentious. But...I must admit...I do drink my tea with my pinkie extended in the air. That's bout the extent of it...remember, I am originally a barefoot Tennessean. To me, being pretentious would be writing in a tone like this in response to my question: "Methinks the woman the the internet mail problem quagmire is quite the bore and sometimes rather long-winded. Do you have any grey poupon? " That was intended to be a poor jab at humor and everybody that knows me knows I can't tell a joke right if my life depended on it. Well maybe one Monica/Bill joke that is. Or one or two Irish limericks. (I have irish in me blood <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If anybody even cares to read this otherwise done thread, please include my son in your prayers. I don't post alot about terribly terribly personal stuff, but he's home with me for a few more days as he's got walking pneumonia. Am up late as the little guy had another bad coughing spell and I am now the one with the inability to sleep. We were at pediatrician today for second time in 2 weeks (dad took him last week again). And for anybody there w/small kids, it's usually misdiagnosed since my son went in a few times with an unresolved cough. Nasty stuff it is. And I'm afraid I will catch it...funny thing is I have my physical on friday for new job..I asked the doc today if he thinks me being in such close contact w/my son if I might get it ...he said "welllllll." I got it. X and I thought it best that son stay with me until he's well as I...yes me...said via email after son's doc visit to the x...that I thought it wouldn't be nice to bring my son over to their home for visitation with a communicable illness since the baby is there and all...Thankfully, x agreed with me on this one. He usually will when it makes his life easier. And who could blame him (for this once) since I would not wish on anybody the experience of having three really sick children under one roof.

Pray son is well by next weekend as he is given next week a school holiday (friday and monday off) and we planned originally on going to either the TN aquarium or back home to visit family. I am up and unable to sleep. This stinks. Now THAT is what I would call a pile of manure. Wanting to sleep and feeling sleepy but NOT being able to sleep darn it. If I can't go back to sleep, will just read my new Jimmy Buffett book (it's awesome...fun and easy read) until I at least nod off with some decent stuff to dream about.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 06:53 AM: Message edited by: committedandlovingit ]</small>

StressedMom,
I agree with your post. It's dishaeartening to see children verbally attacked. Wouldn't you think that any mother would have it in them to not call innocent children names?? I would like to think that are having a bad day and will regret their words tomorrow. My H says it's just because they lack the ability to look into themselves and grow.

Posted edited to remove name calling only. The basic opinion/thought remains.

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 12:28 AM: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</small>

Who called any innocent child any name? A child is a blessing. Every child. And it's unfortunate how some women, in this case my x's new W,former ow, had children deliberately so that she could hook a man. She tried it FIRST time, didn't work. So she tried it a SECOND time. That's what I consider rolling in the mud. A child is a loving committment. And the decision to do it as a family or as a single parent is personal. But the fact that the simple act of procreation could produce a child must be FIRST taken into consideration. You don't have a child so you can secure yourself financially or because you are so insecure you do that to SOLIDIFY a relationship with somebody else or to get what you want. Now that's wrong. Today, I am agreeing to have my son for a few more days because I am concerned he'd give his cold to the other children in my x's household. Is that somebody who wallows in mud? Or is that somebody who thinks of kids. My x said he and the ow/w was thankful for my offering to do that in his email to me today.

Loved Alot: I will say something. I ask for prayers for my sick child, and get insults. I explained that I have in NO way ever been cruel to any child, and never would, get inferred by you that I am rolling in either manure or mud. I get insulted by somebody I can't say has either answered any question or provided any insight into the issue at hand...but would rather spout off a personal opinion and a bias. The label of WS, BS, OP, OM, etc.. and yes, OC is a label so we can get a grip when reading about somebody's situation so we can better understand. Is it any more of an insult to call a WS a WS? Nope, it is the description of the situation. And a way to not say any specific name here. Just a description of what happened so we're not here writing all day...And no, a child IS a blessing, but there are some people out there who use children as pawns. Deliberately getting pregnant. One of my friends here, Orchid, her h's xow, pretended to do that alot. There are alot of really sad people who would deliberately try to get pregnant so they can force a relationship issue. That is unfortunately a situation that has happened more than one time in the history of the world.

Must admit, it is more than a consequence that whenever one certain poster shows up hijacking my thread about a question I ask (committed), somebody else jumps in behind this person and does the same. I don't get it. Since when does a person ask a question here and only get insulted? That's really wierd. For whatever personal biases you have, I am sorry. That is your issue. If you knew me as a person, you might rethink your very unkind words. If you're gonna insult somebody here, at a healing board, where people who are getting over life's most hard tragedy (divorce) then say something constructive. Not even having to agree with somebody, just do something helpful. Give your .02 on the issue at hand. Nobody wants to be agreed with 100 percent of the time. But nobody wants to be insulted here either. Again, to the previous poster, it's great you've moved on. We wish you well. I wish you well. But I will not be insulted by you, somebody who does not have the pleasure of knowing me at all.

To committed...I could care less what you think of me. Maybe you should know what it feels like to start a thread because something's bothering you. Then you get somebody who jumps in there and slings mud verbally at you because they find you "pretentious" without ever having known you or TAKEN THE TIME TO TRY TO GET TO KNOW YOU. You've harassed me for the last damn time HIJACKING MY THREADS. Get a life and quit reading about mine since you find me so "pretentious" and since you "pity me". My life I trust you, must be something so darn exciting to you, because for some CRAZY reason...you keep insulting me. And posting to people ABOUT me. And INSULTING anybody who might know me or might have talked to me and really taken the time to get to know me as a person. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...READING WHAT IN THE HECK I CHOOSE TO WRITE. You NEVER gave any advice..just spouted out your PREJUDICES about somebody who went thru hell that you don't even know...and you could CARE LESS if your words slam somebody who has already herself, been through so much stress you couldn't imagine.


Sorry for that...back to the ORIGINAL ISSUE.

This is for EVERYBODY ELSE WHO ACTUALLY TOOK THE TIME TO REALLY GIVE ADVICE AND ANSWER MY QUESTION...Whoever took the approach telling me to "block"...thank you lots. Hit me between the eyes this am.
Today I wake up after a giant 3 whopping hours of sleep and whatta ya know? She, fow, emails me again. This time it's a bunch of jokes. I didn't open. Deleted and this time...hit block. It's amazing how somebody can deliberately disrespect any boundary you put into place. I resent her my very kind yet succinct email requesting she "kindly email me only concerning issues regarding son, if xh is unavailable to do so." Peace is good. And yes, to the earlier poster who suggested I use "block" initially (maybe it was you cinderella), I say thank you. Blocking it is easier to do and will nip it in the bud. It was wrong of me to even allow it to happen b/c it kept me somehow feeling negative. Thank you for your good suggestions and for your helpful criticisms.

Am calling the MB police here and make darn sure this thread is closed. When a thread loses its beginning intent, it's time to close shop. My question got some very good suggestions and replies. I used them. All except for the "mud" part.

Dear Peachy,

3-2-1 Cough Syrup

First, measure the oil. That will coat the spoon so that the honey will slide off. Last, add the lemon juice.

3 T honey
2 T vegetable oil
1 T lemon juice

Not to be used with infants (those under 12 months of age)

Off topic, but if your son is taking Rx cough syrup, you have to wait certain amounts of time before dosing him again. This is not "medicine" but it really works.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This is for EVERYBODY ELSE WHO ACTUALLY TOOK THE TIME TO REALLY GIVE ADVICE AND ANSWER MY QUESTION... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Peachy:

I've read your original thread several times and have yet to understand what your question was?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You imply the emails bother you, (among several other things) but you never asked.

I think you said it best in your last post,


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I resent her... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and it comes through in many of your posts. I was not trying to insult you or anything else, just trying to respond to your post in a way that would help YOU.

And while blocking her e-mails will resolve the issue of unwanted e-mails, it does nothing to address the resentment that you harbor towards her. And as long as you carry that resentment in your heart and mind, it will tend to control you in every relationship moving forward and rear its ugly head when you least expect it.

I wish you well Peachy.

Peace.