I am new to the divorce forum, I used to post in the plan A/B forums but do not need to anymore since I was divorced in October.

I just came over here to do a little reading, a little perusing to see what is going on and how folks are doing and something stuck out in many of the posts I would like to address if you all don't mind.

Without re-hashing my whole sordid tale, I am a 41 year old father of 4 whose former WW (36) committed adultery and abandoned the home and children (2 of which are hers from former relationships, I know, confusing) but they all reside with me.

Anyway back to the issue, I noticed quite a few people asking, or maybe better, seeking some sort of comfort as to whether they could trust again or love again or be at peace again. I know from whence you come. I too had those thoughts, feelings, and self-esteem issues. I still have them on that rare occasion when I dwell for no good reason but I do want to add a message of hope here.

For all of you still wondering, still hoping, or still worried about the future without your spouse...do not fret, I know there will be financial difficulties, I know there will be child-rearing issues, your former spouse will do things that make you crazy or merely scratch your head and think "What?" but the truth is this.....

The day is coming, the day is coming and maybe sooner than you think when the thought will hit you after another stupid act by your former spouse, or another unkind comment, or another slap in the face with their thoughtless acts or words when you think to yourself....

Thank You.

Right now that may sound odd and cold but trust me at some point you will privately thank your former spouse for many things.

Every day I wake up I thank her, I thank her for leaving. I thank her because I did my forgiving and my life is nothing but bright and hopeful. I thank her because my kids no longer have to suffer through her lack of mothering, her lack of warmth and compassion. I thank her because my house is now a quiet and peaceful place where we smile more than we frown, laugh more than cry, and grow strong rather than shrink away from challenges.

We go on weekend getaways, visit museums, go to church again and find peace with ourselves. We are doing all the things we could never do when the WW and I were married. Was that partly my fault? Sure, I gave in to her on everything, anything to keep peace in the home, to keep the kids happy. All I really did was shove me into a corner and allow someone else to take over.

You will thank your spouse, you will love again, you will trust again, and most importantly you are going to live like you really want to, no compromise, no excuses, nobody holding you and the kids back.

When you meet that special someone someday, you will thank your former spouse again because the new relationship will be on your terms, the terms you have learned through life and the things that Dr. Dobson teaches and the Harleys teach. That relationship will be more than you could hope for, trust me I've been through the whole program from D-Day to divorce day, from discovery to plan A to plan B. Using that time to learn more about myself and what I want for me and my children. What I am willing to live with and more importantly, what I am not willing to live without.

The day is coming BS's when you will thank your former spouse.

Then you will know you are no longer a caterpillar but a beautiful butterfly just learning to spread it's wings on a sunny spring morn.

Once BrokenHubby
now
RebornMan

Thanks so much for your uplifting post, BH...I really needed that. I'm sure there are others that feel the same way. A lot of us are down in the dumps lately.

We (me and the 3 kids) are definitely more peaceful with Fogman gone! There is no yelling or demeaning going on anymore, just love and the beginnings of happiness. I can see things getting even better. No contact has been the key with me, due to abuse and addiction issues.

Thanks again!

Dude, you sound like me - I'm not one to brag please don't think I am - but it was sooooo refreshing to read your post! Thank you for sharing it. I really like the way you worded it: "You'll thank your former spouse" wow. What a way to look at it. My way of saying that was: "I'm soo glad I don't live like I used to" - but you put it more eloquently.
You've come a long way. You're most definitely well down the road to Recovery.
Thank you again for posting this.
God bless,
SDLOM

Reborn man - Like the others have said thanks again for the encouragement.

It's still hard to imagine for myself but I appreciate your post.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello all,

I am so pleased that somebody got something out of it or at least could see some benefit to my meanderings. I certainly wasn't trying to impose, just pass on the tiny bits of wisdom I have been privledged to learn over the past 14 months.

The BS/WW saga reminds me much of what my mother said after our house burned down when I was a child. In the midst of the tragedy, while we sat in the backyard watching our childhood home erupt in flames, my mother said "Don't be sad, what we make of the ashes will be our future" and that is a comforting thought.

So I guess what I want to add to all this is...

"Don't be sad, what we make of the ashes will be our future"

and what a glorious future that is folks...depending on what you do with your ashes. I'm making mine into a fulfilling and happy home, life, and eternity for my children and myself...

What will you do with yours?

All my love
All the blessings you can handle
Courage and
Peace

RebornMan

Hey RBman,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

"Don't be sad, what we make of the ashes will be our future"

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that pretty well says it all. I don't believe you can add anything more to that.

Thank you for sharing that with us all... it was very much needed for myself, and I'm sure others here on this board feel the same way.

Stay Strong!

Wallace