STBXWH caught incurable STD from OW. H and I had unprotected SF 4 times before I found out about A. Since then, we had SF 8 times and used a condom. I have been tested for STDs and they all came back negative. I am not dating now and don't plan to start anytime soon. In the future though, am I obligated to disclose Hs STD to a future partner?

Thanks for any help.

Yes. As far as I know herpes and HIV are the only incurable ones and tests can give false positives. So, I would say, absolutely you must disclose.

I'm in a similar situation. I have herpes.

Yes, you must tell. But not on the first date. And not until it looks like your relationship might get serious. And that goes along with my belief that if you WANT to get serious with someone eventually, you don't fool around before you get to know each other well enough to know whether you want that other person in your life.

You should use caution, wisdom and good judgement. It sounds like you haven't gotten any STD from your H. Assuming that it is herpes, YOU WILL KNOW, if you are having an outbreak and if you are not having any outbreak then there is absolutely no way to pass the virus (unless you are not aware of the outbreak which is probably rare).

I dated someone with herpes so I've studied up on the subject. Personally I wouldn't tell that information at ALL to someone if I don't have it and it is only a possible that you might. And if you do have it I would only disclose that information, to my partner when things became serious. I would be using a condom anyway.

Add genital warts and HPV to the incurable list.......

Thanks for the input. Yes, it is herpes and once H. had his first outbreak we didn't have unprotected sex. H. didn't like the condoms but oh well...someone's gotta take care of me.

GG I have read enough of your posts to know that your WH gave you an STD. I know how frustrating it is. If they don't care about their own health, they should at least consider what they are doing to us!

Don't plan to be fooling around either, especially since I know first hand what can happen.

Thanks for the input. The only reason I was hesitant about telling was to protect STBXWH's privacy.

Thanks for the input. Yes, it is herpes and once H. had his first outbreak we didn't have unprotected sex. H. didn't like the condoms but oh well...someone's gotta take care of me.

GG I have read enough of your posts to know that your WH gave you an STD. I know how frustrating it is. If they don't care about their own health, they should at least consider what they are doing to us!

Don't plan to be fooling around either, especially since I know first hand what can happen.

Thanks for the input. The only reason I was hesitant about telling was to protect STBXWH's privacy.

Hi Starving,

First, let me say that I'm sorry you are faced with this.

I too went to the doctor after I was separated and asked to be tested for everything.
Everything came back negative for me also.

In your last post, something struck me and I couldn't let it go.

You said, you were hesitant because of trying to protect his privacy.
I felt the very same way when it came to disclosing who the OW was when I was asked by my x's boss's wife.
Now, 2 years down the road, I think, why the heck was I trying to protect him. After the pain he put me through?????

I'm not faulting you at all. I understand.
I just wonder why us BS's feel like we need to protect them.

Your a kind person!
K.

that's great your tests came back neg.!

And again, I know how hard it is to walk in your shoes. Can sympathize completely with you. I remember breaking down in the office of a doc I was friends with...and he was my obgyn. Begged him to test me for "everything known to man". And that was a huge ego breaker. He was utterly shocked. But he was my friend. Luckily, I am too negative.

Only disclose to a partner if you are POSITIVE. If you begin a r with somebody, and sf is on the horizon, wear a condom with him. And also, recheck wtih your doc to see if chance you could show up positive for any std's at a later date. I know...HIV screens need to be done at six mon. intervals for I believe 2 years to be declared officially 100 percent clean. But no. You're not positive for anything now, and I would just be safe.

Sorry for your pain. You're handling it well. And guess each OP "gives" a little "bit of themselves" to each affair...too bad our spouses, or x spouses aren't aware of it.

I once worked on a guy who went to see a prostitute in las vegas. He caught HIV. His W D'd him and he lost his family as a result of his selfishness and untruthfulness. He went around after that, after he permanently left "the fog" and goes around to area youth groups in my old hometown and talks to young people about how living a good life, and an honest life, and respecting vows and keeping yourself morally in check isn't just what faith or morals tell us to do..that if we do NOT do it...we could be signing our own death certificate these days.

Thanks Karona: It is weird isn't it? I actually feel sorry for my H. but not for myself. I know I will be OK. I just don't want to trash H...he's done a great job of that by himself!

Peachy you'll love this! H. knocked up OW a couple of years ago...she aborted. We are now separated and rumor has it that he's gotten her pg again! She claims she's keeping this one. I was devastated for about a week and then told myself that it's their problem. It also makes it clear that I have no business being married to this person.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I guess down the road if I ever decide to jump back in this river I could just tell the guy that I slept with someone who had herpes and that my tests are negative.

Your Welcome Starving.

I think you will handle the situation very well when it comes up!

You sound very mature with this whole sour deal.

It's hard to be compassionate when you have been hurt to bad.

I'm proud of you!


K.