So many member here ask in many different ways - but, the question is the same -

When do you call it quits, when do you know when it's time to end it...Heck, I even asked - I have found my answer...

When they won't stop hurting you in every way possible....When everyday it's another stab to heart even if it's just a "little thing". When everything they do is to demoralize/demean you. When they still a year or so into their fog, affair, whatever you want to call it BLAME YOU...

And yes, When the pain of staying outweights the pain of leaving..

I believe I am there...Ready to file..Yes, leaving moving on will be hard, darn hard, but will I be in pain EVERYDAY..Will someone try to demoralize me EVERYDAY..Will someone shut me out, cheat, lie to EVERYDAY...NO...

Will starting over all alone be tough..YES
Can I do it..I don't know..

But, I do know I can't take this lifestyle anymore..I can't take someone hurting me because they themselves are so damaged that the only way they feel good is to damage me...to stab me in the heart over and over..I can't do it anymore..

I will move forward...The past couple months have been unbearable and they are not going to get better - WH is too far gone and our marriage is too far gone...Nothing is gonna wake him up..

I'm letting go..

Now, to find the right lawyer..that's my mission....

((hug))

Even though it is my stbx doing all the D work, I came to the place, knowing it was over and started moving on.

Ithurts,

That's how it was for me too.

I finally after a year of trying decided he wasn't going to turn around.

But, I had to get there on my own. I had to come into the realization on my own.

I don't know that there is a timeline.
I don't know if anyone can tell you when.

I think if you don't go through your own process, you may think you didn't do.... whatever that could be.

That's just my opinion, I may be wrong or right.
But, I do know, that I had peace when I did file, that I had done everything that I could have to salvage the marraige.

Good luck to you.

K.

I agree with Karona, you just know in your heart nad in your head.. only you know... I like what you posted and agree with it all "when the pain of staying out weighs the pain of being alone" you just know... no one could have told me two or three weeks ago I'd file on Feb, 15, but I did and I know I made the right choice. I choose ME!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When they won't stop hurting you in every way possible....When everyday it's another stab to heart even if it's just a "little thing". When everything they do is to demoralize/demean you. When they still a year or so into their fog, affair, whatever you want to call it BLAME YOU...

And yes, When the pain of staying outweights the pain of leaving.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That just about says it all I think, for everyone it is different, it took me almost 3 years of struggling & trying! But I knew for me I had to be at peace with my decision, I had to make the best choice for ME, not my parents, friends or family. I had to be able to not have any regrets, what if's or second thoughts running thru my head & I now have none of those.

It is hard, really hard but you will know when it is time. As my pastor says "when you get sick & tired of being sick & tired..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs to you!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But, I had to get there on my own. I had to come into the realization on my own.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, me too..Everyone told me over a year ago to file, throw him out, etc. Even other BB members read my drama story and said WAKE UP...No matter how much you love this man he ain't comin back - he's too far gone..I kept holding on,,,begging, reading, IC, Plan A, exposurer, I did it all and have the same marriage, well, really it's worse, as the flippin day I caught him..

But, it definately took me getting there on my own - if it took me longer than my family, friends, wanted - It's the process "I" had to go thru..I may have regrets that my marriage didn't work out but I won't be able to woulda shoulda myself to death....

It's a tough road - but, hey for those of us that can't recover the marriage - we are all stronger for at least putting up a good fight...

ITHURTS

I agree with what you said. As many similarities as there are to people's situations here there are just as many variables that make the answer to your question different for everybody.

How much we perceive we contributed to the troubles in our M, the strength of our convictions about M and D, whether or not there are kids involved, etc., it all makes a difference.

As for me, two years is long enough. I am ready to move on. It's still hard, especially when the kids have issues, but I KNOW I did everything that could be expected. I had to get to the point where I could be sure beyond a reasonable doubt that I would not have REGRET for moving on. Thank God I finally made it!

Many BS's don't get the chance to make the decision. For the children, the pain of having their family destroyed rarely goes away. There is nothing on earth that my H could have done (except perhaps attempted murder) or said to me that would have ever led me to divorce him, leaving my children without a father. There is nothing worse than watching my children cope with a father who allocates just over an hour a week for them, and who has allowed them to visit him once in the last six months - and I know there are many men (and women) who were decent or even good parents who rarely if ever see their children once there is a divorce. Children don't get to "move on" - typically for them the divorce is a continual process, as the father sees less and less of them as time goes on, until within a few years a large percentage almost never see their father.