Haven’t posted since November, things have changed dramatically here. WS was fence sitting for a long time because I let her. Exposed big time, friends took sides. Long story short she filed for divorce & I moved out.

My question is why do I NOT feel anything? Is this normal? I’ve been out of the house for 2 months and never felt happier. I have an occasional sad moment but it doesn’t last long. I see her occasionally but seeing her does not bother me any more. Could it be that I never wanted to fix the marriage just told her that I wanted to fix it. Could I have used her affair as a means to get out of this marriage and I didn’t have to be the bad guy?

I have read more books on marriages, relationships and other self help books this last 2 years then I did in my entire life. I know what happened with our marriage, I have a good understanding on how it happened & by writing down everything that I could think of over the last 7 years I know why it happened. After all this why do I feel happy and do not feel remorse or sadness that it’s over?

Does anybody else have these kinds of feelings? Or, am I the only one that is not right some place?

hey Dennis47... i don't post very often, but i know what you mean by not feeling anything anymore... i don't know myself if it is right, but it is real... for me, i think i don't feel anything any more (17 months separated, she has been living w/OM that long) and haven't for quite some time because it just doesn't matter what I do, it is over and done... looking back, in all honesty, i wasn't happy living with a taker and now i am the happiest that i have been in almost 10 years... i have felt the same way where i am not sure if i really wanted to fix it, but i didn't want to be the bad guy, but it really doesn't matter after this much time... i have read those books and logged countless hours in journals, as well, and i know exactly why the marriage went south... i own my part... but since she left, i see the entire picture so much clearer and i am proud of how long i held out in the marriage, even though i got 'goose-egg' in emotional needs from her... so that is why i don't feel sad... i wasn't getting much happiness out of the M that 'i' was working so hard to maintain... now i just take care of myself... feels great... time does it for me...

be well

samm

There can be a strong sense of relief when getting out of a burdensome situation.

Ultimately tho', I would like to see your M work. But you're the only person that can really judge whether you have that desire, and if your WS does. And if you're ready to go through the work and such.

Dennis, very possibly you are becoming indifferent to your wife. That can be good. If she is determined to end the marriage, then indifference will help keep the pain away. The opposite of Love is not Hate, it is Indifference.