I have had a tread on the Infidelity EA board... but I thought I would post here as well...

My wife has been talking about divorce and separation... saying that she just cannot changer herself and the way she feels about me...

We have been married 12 years and have 3 kids...

She took a left turn 3 yrs ago... with a guy friend... I know past friends but doubt PA...

Anyway... she sad she took the left turn 3yrs ago to a friend because she could not take it anymore...

So now she is saying she needs time and space... because she can't look at me trying to be a good husband and not be pissed off at me for trying to be mister good...

She says she needs time alone to sort out her options... D and committing to salvage the M

Her christian counselor knows that she feels trapped and is gonna get away some way or another... so she recommended this book... she couldn't remember the name... but will get it to us today... but the book is to be read by both of us... it is about mutual separation with counselor guidance... we agree to a timeframe... financial stuff... no talks of relationship... only kid stuff... and then she has to come back work with the counselor on her decision...

Does this sound like a good or bad thing...

The house is very volatile with her outbursts... and could shoulder... you can cut the tension with a knife...

So it would be a relief to us both...

Oh and she would be going 900 miles awy to live with her brother for the set amount of time... no where near the OM...

Any comments are appreciated...

I don't know if its good or bad. My stbx decided he couldn't even try to work on things, because "our relationship was so beyond repair."

How old are your children, would they be staying with you?

Lee Raffel's Should I Stay or Go? : How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage?

When my (now ex-)wife moved out for six months, it seemed to help. In our case, we maintained contact and went to counseling together.

In retrospect, she probably moved back in with me too soon, because she started tensing up again as soon as she did.

Our kids are B6 B4 G9mo...

She has opened up a bit the past couple of days... yesterday she actually slept in our room for the first time in weeks...

Not a sign from above or anything... but a small change...

More comments would be great...

Devasted, my WH did the same thing. We are now at month 4 and things have not improved. He says he is "content" where he is. Doesn't want to risk moving back to the same old crap even though I have been trying to show him that I can address our issues and make changes in myself to improve our marriage. He doesn't want to move back and lose his apartment and not be able to find another. The excuse list is long and I am left feeling helpless and hopeless. All I can say is be prepared that the move out is very well the first step to the end. I know it doesn't always work that way, but personally I don't feel you can truely work on your marriage when you are in two different households. And depending on your sich, the financial burden creates a whole new problem to argue about.

I kinda have those same feelings... but she would be away for a set amount of time... living with her brother so no housing ties to worry about...

She kinda made a statement along the lines... I just need a break... some time alone... to sort myself out...

Hmm. Being with her brother seems safe. Give her her space (you don't really have a choice anyway, right)? Take that time to do some things for yourself, too. IC if needed, something that is a win-win (good for you and shows that you want to work on the marriage). Plan some fun things with the kids, too. Goodluck.

we are both in IC now... that is where we got the book from that describes the process... she admits that she is mad at me... because I am a better person and doing the right things... the things she doesn't want to have to do... I am almost at the point that I realize that she is kind of venting... give me a little break and then we can try to work some things out... but the road to here has been too much for her to be able to handle in the short volatile timeframe...

I think we are both happier than a week ago... knowing that there neither one of us wants to live this way... and that there is kind of a plan to follow...

we will see...

I am hopeful... but still not sure...

It is all in God's hands!