WW and I have separated. I moved out - needed a change - staying at home only seemed to enable the A. Now at least A is exposed to family and friends. WW began NC almost 2 weeks ago. But unsure where her head is at now. She talks the talk, but has struggled in the past with walking it. We have hardly spoken in 4 days.

My greatest fear in divorcing my WW is the OM coming in contact with kids. Though I do not think OM could/would ever commit to being in a monogamous R (he is a NBM personal trainer, numerous As with WS, sexual predator!), he may try it for some time. I want to keep my kids safe and unfortunately I do not think I can rely on WW considering the fog she has been in.

Any legal eagles out there with advice? Or those that just learned the hard way?

Hello and welcome:

I do not have too much advice to give you, I too am new to this board. Your situation though is similar to mine in the fact that my XWW too exposed our kids to OM. Legally, depending on the state you live in there is really nothing you can do to prevent it. One mistake I think you made was moving out, I pretty much forced my XWW to move out and she moved in with OM, I got a restraining order preventing her from taking our kids from their enviroment. Seeking advice from a lawyer may help but in most states it is very difficult for a man to have many rights concerning custody of children.

I wish you best of luck trying and do read and gather all the information here as it will help you as it did for many people.

Dear WWJD,
Hi, I'm new here and as you can tell by my name I'm a Dr. Laura fan. I've heard her address this question on the air and I think it's wise what she recommended. Don't move out for the kid's sake. Yes your wife is being a 'scum' to you but the kid's needs are higher or should be higher right now.. so if you can stand it, with your wife in the position she is in and all the pain and brokeness she has caused because of her selfishness, you should be there for the kids, such important ages they are at. You don't want him around them at all, and you should be there to protect them from her stupidness and show them what a real parent is. If the wife doesn't repent
then I would see what I could do to get the kids and kick her out. Just my opinion. I can tell you care deeply about your sons and daughter. Keep your head up, after all they think your awesome! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yep-see a family lawyer. You can prevent overnight exposures. Maybe you should move back home and try to establish some additional parenting time and document the A. Maybe you could get full custody if she is behaving badly.

Hello WWJD,
I made the mistake of moving out for the kids sake. XW was gonna move out and take the children with her and I felt they needed to be in their home enviroment. I totally regret it now.(hindsight is 20/20) Divorce has been over since 10/03. We went to mediation and the attorney that officiated our mediation told me point blank "unless she is conducting herself in an unfit manner, I had no hope of being granted custudy of the children." Apparently,an affair or adutltry does not hold much weight in court or a custody hearing. But, If the children specifically voice they do not want to be around this OM, You can have a restaining order put on him to keep him away from your children. The courts will 99.9 percent rule in favor of the "nurturing parent" (not sure of the correct terminalogy) which is in most cases, the wife/mother. If it is to be any different, it is up to husband/father to prove that. I wanted so badly to continue raising my children and with the limited visitations that I have it is very difficult to do that. I really miss out on ALOT of the child rearing and the day to day activities that happen in their lives. I don't know if this helps any. Just another concerned father trying to give some insight.

Why do you regret moving out?