STBXWH left to move in with MOW in 12/00. Although I'd heard rumors about them - she was an employee of our business - I'd never believed them, honestly, because she was not only too young, she was also too unattractive and ignorant. I just thought STBXWH got off on admiration from her, and other, female employees, and, strangely, he seemed especially fond of the ones who were overweight, unattractive, had low self-esteem, and probably most important, were into drug and/or alcohol abuse.
Now, over four years later, I'm really, truly ready for it to be over. Not to say I don't still harbor the fond memories and regrets, but enough is enough. I've supported STBXWH and MOW for their entire relationship (I fired MOW immediately after D'day), FOUR YEARS AND COUNTING... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I just hired my THIRD lawyer. I keep thinking it's my problem, but the first lawyer wanted everyone I knew to write a statement for me and tried to put words in their mouths, which, of course, alienated all but a few. WH told me he wanted to try to reconcile so I fired first lawyer. Reconciliation was really just manipulation so I hired second lawyer, but who recommended her??? HIS lawyer. I know, what was I thinking?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> This has been the lawyer who's only called me to forward requests from WH and/or his lawyer. But if I call him, he's never there and never returns calls.
Enter LAWYER #3. He's the lawyer recommended by my accountant. He charges more and has the fancy office to go along with the fancy prices, but he also, so far, answers calls and seems ready and willing to move things forward, rapidly.
STBXWH took me to court last July to force me out of family home so he could buy himself (and MOW) a house. In other words, I was going to be homeless, running our business alone and supporting myself, STBXWH, and MOW, with seven horses, four dogs, and two cats (that were his, too) so he and MOW wouldn't have to rent anymore (since they'd been thrown out of EVERY place they'd lived in together, at least SIX).
Since we owned an unimproved piece of property, I decided to move there. This prompted STBXWH to take me to court to get that property reappraised since he believed appraisal value was too low. Instead, appraisal came back $50,000 (!) LOWER than original appraisal. Of course, he was furious. Now he's having the property reappraised again. Meanwhile, I'm living there in a travel trailer powered by a generator and I've put in septic, a well, graded the road and had it gravelled, fenced and cross fenced the property and put in a pole barn for the horses - horses, I might add, that I tried to sell after he left and when buyers were on the property with a trailer, he had his lawyer call and block the sale, though he doesn't even want them.
I had a restraining order for three years that was extended last year for another three years. He's lost his professional license and the state licensing agency for our business has made him ineligible for any involvement in the business. I have bent over backwards to be cooperative, reasonable, forgiving, patient, and calm. Where has it gotten me? STILL MARRIED while the value of everything we own has increased and the amount we owe has decreased through my efforts alone (not to mention inflation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .
PLEASE wish me luck with my new lawyer. New lawyer says he doesn't want to hear any of the emotional stuff because, in so many words, he knows that if STBXWH wasn't using drugs and hadn't left me for MOW, I wouldn't feel the way I do now. Very true. But exactly that thought has kept me from pushing DV as hard as I could and has basically cost me a lot, maybe even cost me the chance to buy him out of our business.
As for the business, I've been doing both his job and mine (for the same salary) but finally hired someone to help with my original job. Since this post is already too long, I won't go into the struggles I've had learning to run the business alone. Suffice to say, I'm ready for a long break with no break in sight.
Finallly, I'd like to add, that I've been through breast cancer, mastectomy, radiation, and extensive reconstructive surgery just before D'day, a shattered ankle (horse slipped and fell on me) about two years ago, and the suicide death of my 23 year old stepson, who I helped raise since he was less than a year old, last June. Also, I was unable to have children of my own, but, besides stepson, STBXWH and I were legal guardians of STBXWH's niece and nephew because his sister and her H were drug addicts who lost their parental rights. After STBXWH attempted fake reconciliation in order to get me to put his name back on business checking account, he kicked me out of the house, moved MOW in the next day, then kicked niece and nephew out the next day after they begged him not to move MOW in. I moved into a vacation rental with the kids until I was able to obtain restraining order and we could return to house. Niece graduated from HS and nephew went back to live with his parents. Now their parents hate me because of what happenned (and for being willing to take in their child when they were incapable).
OK, I'm done with my vent.
